[Airish Laxamana]
It's been a long time since I met his sister. It's been a long time yet I can't help but to think about her words.
Am I really suitable for him? Paano kung mapahamak si Kaijin dahil sa akin? What if she's right? What if something happen to him because of my selfish request?
Pero ang totoong tanong... Did I really LIKE him? Or do I LOVE HIM?"
"What are you thinking?" Napatingin ako kay Kaijin na ngayon ay nakahawak sa kamay ko. How can I let go of this warmth?
"Nothing." What a big liar you are Airish... When did you start to lie?
"You're staring at the window for a long time. It's been a long time since you keep on nodding and saying yes." I can't just say that: "Your sister wants me to stay away from you."
At alam ko naman ding hindi siya papayag sa gano'ng sitwasyon.
"Right, your sister has a request... You should go back to states with her." I can't force him to stay with me.
"Tapos iiwan kita dito? In this kind of state? If you want me to go back then you should come. If you're not coming then why would I have too?" With this words... How can I let go of him?
"So tell me, are you coming?" This war is starting... I need to organize my plan. Gustuhin ko mang sumama ay hindi pwede...
"I'm not–"
"Then I'm not going. That's it." He give me the best smile that he can ever give. In these past few days... He really didn't leave my side... He keeps on asking me about my matters which I can't just spit out so boldly.
Lalo na... Hindi ko kayang sabihin na ako ang leader ng Rage Society.
"Want to go somewhere? I want to clear up something." Hindi niya ba alam na maggagabi na? Saan naman niya balak pumunta?
"Saan naman 'yan?" Tanong ko pero ngumiti lang siya bago hinigit ang kamay ko.
"Trust me, magsasaya ka." Napangiti naman ako dahil sa sinabi niya. I'm not used at smiling but damn... This guy makes me smile for a reason...
Nang makasakay kami ng motor ay marahan lang ang pagpapaandar niya nito. Bakit iba yata ang pagpapatakbo niya ngayon? Did he want me to see something?
Kasabay ng pagpapatakbo niya ay ang pagsalubong ng malakas na hangin. Kahit madilim ay nakikita ko parin ang ilaw at mga lampara na nagpapaliwanag sa gabi.
"Maraming mga bagay na dapat mong makita." Biglang kumabog ang dibdib ko ng huminto kami sa isang Amusement Park. Dito rin niya ako dinala dati noong nalulungkot ako...
Napangiti nalang ako ng hawakan niya ang kamay ko. "Subukan mong huwag munang mag-isip. Let's see if your feelings will be at ease." Hindi ako makapaniwala na alam ng lalaking ito ang nasa isip ko ngayon.
Totoong maraming bumabagabag sakin. Maraming What if... At maraming problema ang gusto kong matapos.
I maybe the strongest person that you could ever meet... But I'm still a WOMAN. No matter how hard I try to be tough... Lalabas at lalabas parin ang kahinaan ko.
"Hold my hands. And just think about US." Siguro nga kailangan kolang maging masaya sa araw na ito...
Una kaming sumakay sa Octopus rides. Matindi ang kapit niya sa kamay ko habang sumisigaw. Ni hindi ko alam kung natatakot siya o gusto niya lang akong patawanin dahil sa itsura niya.
Sumunod naman ay sa Carousel habang magkahawak ang kamay naming dalawa.
I have to admit that I like this kind of warmth... I'm afraid that I can't never let go of it...
He takes some pictures of us at ginawa niya pang wallpaper. At syempre, gano'n din ang ginawa niya sa cellphone ko.
At dahil gabi ay napag-isipan din naming pumunta sa Horror house. I didn't expect that he'll shout so loud when he saw a fucking white lady. Muntik pa nga niyang masapak ang babae.
"You're scared that much?" Natatawa kong sambit. Matagal siyang tumingin sakin bago ngumiti.
"Tara," Sabay higit niya sakin sa isang cotton candy station. Isa lang ang binili dahil sabi niya ay share kami sa cotton candy.
Hanggang sa makasakay kami sa isang ferris wheel.
Now Playing: Sakura Falling by Yohio
Pilit kong kinalma ang sarili ko dahil ramdam ko ang mabilis na kabog sa dibdib ko.
"Kaijin..." My chest hurts when he smiles.
"Am I that worth it? I'm bossy... I always give you trouble... I'm still a mess... I always provoke you... I don't even know if I should be with you–" He sealed my lips with his finger before he sigh.
"So that's what bothers you the most?" Hindi lang ang bagay na 'yon...
"You don't even know my identity... I don't even know how to communicate properly... I'm a pain... But why did you want me?" Why are you still into me? Hindi mo ba alam na mapapahamak ka? I can't just risk your life... I want to be with you pero what if masaktan kita? What if I can't be your ideal girlfriend?
WHAT IF YOUR FEELINGS DIE?
"I don't know what? That you're Rage Society leader? I already know that you're risking your life on this relationship." Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko. Ramdam ko ang dahan-dahan pagbaba ng ferris wheel kasabay ng pagdikit ng mga noo namin.
"I already know all. Axis says it all. But is that a reason to leave you? Pagkatapos kong malaman ang bagay na 'yon... tingin mo hahayaan kitang mag-isa? You've suffered a lot... Can't you just rely on me?"
"Ano naman ngayon kung mamatay ka kapag nagpakasal ka sakin? I'm Kaijin Del Mundo... The leader of Enforced Duty. I can protect you... I can give you all the memories that you deserve... Just trust on me... Hahayaan ba naman kitang mamatay?"
"Be strong and we'll keep on fighting... Did you get me?" How? How can I let go of him if he keep saying those words to me?
He hug me as I didn't move.
Kasabay nito ang paghinto ng ferris wheel. He already knows it all... Yet... He just comfort me with his words and care...
He doesn't seem to be bothered at all...
"I'll take you to the last place." Naglakad kami ng naglakad hanggang mapadpad kami sa isang damuhan malapit sa isang ilog.
"I want to make you happy. That's why I'm willing to give all the light to make you feel comfortable." My eyes widened as he stomps his feet on the grass. My eyes widened as the fireflies lights the place.
Sa unang pagkakataon... Ngayon lang ako nakakakita ng ganito...
"You promised to stay by my side. And I will do the same thing." Paano niya nalaman na may ganitong mga insekto sa lugar na ito?
"Did I make you happy?" Is he a fool?
"Of course I am!" Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako simulang ngumiti at sumaya...
Siguro simula ng makilala ko ang lalaking ito...
Hindi ko inaasahan na sa dinami-dami ng tao sa mundo...
Siya pa talaga ang nagparamdam sakin ng ganito...
Inilahad niya ang kamay niya sakin dahilan para mapatingin ako sa kanya.
"Airish Laxamana. Can we dance?" Without a doubt... I smile while I nods...
We dance slowly as the fireflies show up. In every step... I can't help but to smile... Why do I feel that if I let go of him... I will feel very sad and hopeless?
I'm used to his presence... But when that day come... Masasanay ba ako na wala siya sa tabi ko?
"I'll embrace you through your sorrows... I'll be your knight if you need my help... I can be your shield when you're about to cry... I can be your man if you just let me... I will not let go of you Airish... Just hold on tight... And I'll promise to take care of you all my life." Am I the Airish that I know?
Or did I really changed already?
"You're not tired of my attitude?" Nakayuko kong sambit. He gets my chin as he looks directly on my eyes.
"Ikaw ang pahinga ko. Why would I ever feel tired of you?" His words... Reminds me of my own words back then...
"Ikaw ang pahinga ko. Because of you, I feel safe, so, of course I'll stay."
When... When did my feelings start to change?