[Trigger warning: Mention of suicide]
Lucas stared at Gray sleeping peacefully on the bed at the infirmary. He made sure his friend is away before he went it. He also don't know why he's doing this, staying at this place, staring at someone sleeping.
Ever since the incident two days ago, the scene keeps on reparting on his mind. Gray's warm body enveloped into his and his words to him that up until now still echoes on his mind.
'I' ll help you... So please, don't do it again.'
'What help can you give to me?'
'I want to be your friend!'
"Friend..." He whispered.
Can he... Really made a friend? Will he finally be able to open himself to someone else again? He was successful on shutting himself from other for two years until Gray came wanting to break his wall.
'You don't even know me that well.'
"No.. I-I don't pity you. What you have is different from mine so I don't see any reason to see myself into you." Gray answered with much conviction that it scared him a little.
"Why?"
"You eyes... It looks lonely."
'My eyes?'
He suddenly recalled a memory from the past. Someone has said the exact same word to him two years ago.
Flashback
"Lucas, I feel sad."
"Huh? Why?"
He slowly reached up to his face and touched his cheeks lightly.
"It's because of your eyes. It looks so lonely."
End of flashback
'No, I won' t let it happen again.'
"Those rumors about me." He said after a minute of silence. "Those rumors that I killed someone. What if it' s true? Because of me... Someone has died." He never left his eyes as he say those words. He wanted to see how would he react.
Gray's mouth opened but nothing came out of it.
'As expected.'
He stood up and left the place without saying a word. He doesn't need to hear anything. Just by the look on his eyes and he already know the answer.
'My eyes... Why is it always my eyes?'
He came across Castle when he's walking to the infirmary with Gray's bag on one of his shoulder. He looked surprised when he saw him but he he didn't say anything and just walked past him.
-
He stood there, frozen. His mind filled with endless questions. Why is he here? Maybe this is just a dream. He closed his eyes and shook his head. There's no way for this to be real. He left this place a long time ago!
He felt shivers down to his spine when a cold wind suddenly came gushing. He then heard a door opening. He turned around and his eyes grew wide as he saw Gray.
'W-what is happening? It... It shouldn't be Gray!'
Gray then walked towards. He ran to him and called his name to no avail. It's as if he didn't existed.
Lucas could feel his heart coming out of his throat when Gray climbed the wall and stand on the edge of the building, wind still gushing wildly.
'It' s happening again...'
"G-gray..." He desperately called tears are slowly forming in his eyes. "Please... No..."
"Lucas." He looked at him and smiled. "Can you see me?"
Lucas violently shook his head as he ran away to Gray and climbed to where he is.
'I won't let this happen again...'
"Lucas."
He hugged Gray tighter, hoping to stop him. The wind is becoming more and more violent that they're already swaying.
"Gray..."
"Do you want to go together?"
Gray's smiling face made him forget where they are.
"I heard it' s good at the other side. Wanna come with me?"
He didn't even got the chance to answer when Gray hugged him tightly and jumped on the building, still with the wind gushing violently.
Lucas opened his eyes and got welcomed by darkness. He jolts up and looks at his trembling hand.
'What happened? Why...'
He tried to calm himself down by breathing exercises and counting backwards but it's no use. The suffocation he's feeling gets even worse. He's literally gasping for air.
'M-make it stop...'
He runs into the comfort room and opens the medicine box in panic and grabs a little bottle. Opens it and swallow as many pills as he wants. Minutes later, he could feel his breathing getting even and his body getting even more relax.
He sits down on the cold tiled floor feeling his energy drained. He never had that dream in a while now. Is it because he forgot to take his medicine? Even when his not taking it, his free of nightmare. But this time it's different. It's not even the same person but it's Gray.
Gray's worried face flashed through his mind. He hugged his knees together as he prevent tears from falling.
'No... I can' t feel this way. I must... I must stop this.'
He stood up again and looked for something on the sink until he finds a blade hidden behind the toothpaste. He held it up and stared at its sharp, blinding edges.
'I should stop this.'
-
It's their PE time and the lesson for today is dual sports. They just have to pass ball on each other which Gray finds really boring. He partners up with Castle and take turns on passing the ball lazily.
"This activity is so boring. I thought we' re going to play basketball." Gray whined.
"Beasketball is not a dual sport, Gray."
"Tsk."
He looked around saw Lucas walking away from them. He talked to the teacher earlier so he didn't participated at the lesson. Lucas then felt a weak force hitting him at the face.
"Why did you hit me in the face?"
"What? You were supposed to catch it!"
Gray sighed grumpily and grabbed the ball. He has this urge to follow Lucas. He'll probably go to his secret hide-out, the old gym equipment storage.
"Who are you looking for anyway? You're getting all distracted like that."
Gray ignored Castle and went straight to their teacher to complain about his non-existent stomach ache. When the teacher gave him a pass, he ran away quickly and went to the old gym equipment storage. And as expected, Lucas is there.
He stared at him like he expected his appearance. Again, he just stood the not knowing what to do.
"Are you just going to stand there?" Lucas' cold voice made him flinch in surprise. This is the first time Lucas didn't walked away or even ignored him. He walked over to him hesitantly and sat beside him on the grass.
"You skipped class too." He said.
"I.. I really didn't skip."
"Why?"
"Huh?" Lucas stared at him, expecting him to answer. "I really want to be your friend, Lucas." He answered honestly. He didn't said anything and just stared at him.
"I'm gay." Lucas confessed after a while. He suddenly leaned onto him, their faces only inches apart from each other.
"You do realize that I might not be contented with just a friendship." Gray gulped when he felt Lucas' hot breath brushing his cheeks. He really explain what he's feeling right now. His heart's beating so fast and he feels something tickling him inside.
With how close Lucas is, he could finally see his whole face clearly. One thing he noticed is the little mole below his left eye and small scar on his forehead. Those little things you wouldn't really notice unless you're this close.
'I want to... Touch his face.'
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
"You..." Gray hesitated before continuing. "You're really gonna try anything just so I could stay away from you."
He saw a hint of surprise and hesitation in his eyes but he didn't said anything. They remained at that position until Lucas backs away and sits back again. Gray felt a pang of disappointment. He could've done more.
'What the hell are you thinking, Gray?'
Lucas stood up and started walking away. Gray followed him in a hurry.
"So, are you going to be my friend?" Gray asked while having a hard time following Lucas' footsteps.
"Whatever. You do whatever you want." He answered coldly and walked even faster. Gray stopped on his tracks, a smile forming on his lips.