Author's note:
Please play Say something by A great big world while reading this Chapter, thank you and enjoy reading everyone.
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Simula ng malaman ko ang katotohanan, hindi ko na tinangka pang sabihin 'yon kay Rigel. Binaling ko sa iba ang aking atensyon. Nag focus ako sa internship at nag re-review ako kapag may free time para sa bar exams, ayokong isipin ang mga problema dahil baka malunod ako at hindi na makaahon pa.
Andaming nakatambak na gawain sa 'kin ngayon buti nalang at four weeks pa bago ang deadline nito.
Maya-maya may lumapit nanaman sa desk ko. Hudyat na may paparating nanamang bagong gagawin.
"Fernandez can you do a revit model of my garage? I need it within this week."
"Yes Sir." I tried to smile at him.
Wala 'kong choice kung hindi tanggapin nang tanggapin ang pinapagawa nila dahil intern lang naman ako dito, wala akong karapatan para mag reklamo kahit na tambakan pa nila ko ng napakadaming gawain.
Sinimulan kong gawin ang mga nakalinyang mga gawain, ngunit biglang nag vibrate ang cellphone ko dahil sa tawag.
"Hi Cass are you busy? Please don't forget to eat okay? Rest if you have time. I love you."
"I'm busy right now, I'll eat later. Don't worry about me I'm fine I can handle myself." I ended the call.
Matapos kong malaman ang katotohanan, bihira nalang kaming mag kita ni Rigel dahil parehas kaming busy. Naging pabor naman sa 'kin 'yun dahil napaka hirap pata sa 'kin ng problemang ito.
Month passed by, natapos ko ang lahat ng pinapagawa nila sa 'kin at napasa ko naman ang mga 'yon on time, kaya naman hindi na tambak pa ang mga trabahong ginagawa ko kada araw. Kahit papaano ay nakahinga na 'ko sa napakaraming gawain. 'Yung sweldo ko dito binibigay ko kay mama, nagtatabi din ako ng konti para sa sarili ko.
Nagulat ako nang makita ko sa labas ng building si Rigel pagkalabas ko.
"Happy Birthday Cass." Rigel greeted me while holding a cake.
Napangiti naman ako dahil kahit sobrang busy niya, hindi niya ko nakakalimutan. Mas lalo akong pinapahirapan ni Rigel dahil sa mga ginagawa niya. Lagi siyang nag eeffort lalo na pag pagod na pagod ako. He always try to make me smile kahit na pagod din siya galing sa trabaho. Malapit na kaming mag four years pero never siyang nag bago, lagi pa din siyang andiyan para sa 'kin, pinapahalagahan, inaalagaan at minamahal ng walang hanggan kahit na napakacold na ng pakikitungo ko sakaniya.
"Thank you Rigel." I smiled at him.
He wanted to kissed me on my lips ngunit agad akong umiwas, gusto sana niya 'kong halikan sa labi ngunit hindi niya nagawa, kaya tumawa nalang siya.
"Let's go Cass!" Aya niya sa 'kin.
"Where are we going?" I asked him.
"Just trust me." He chuckles.
"I trust you." Maikli kong sagot.
He opened the door at the shotgun seat then I went inside, he gave me the cake before he went to the driver seat and started the engine. He drive straight to his condo and after a few minutes we finally arrived.
Bumaba na kami sa sasakyan niya at naglakad kami patungo sa elevator. Nang makarating kami sa pintuan ng unit niya, tinakpan niya ang mga ⁰mata ko.
"Rigel!" Inis kong sabi.
Naramdaman kong binuksan niya ang pinto. Pagkabukas niya, tinanggal niya ang piring sa mga mata ko, nakita ko ang mga rose petals na nagkalat sa sahig, lobo sa kisame, heart shape na mga pictures namin sa pader at bouquet of flowers sa lamesa.
"Happy Birthday Kc!" Sabay-sabay na sigaw ni Misty, Nicolo, Clyde, Mica, Dax, Migs at Casper.
'Yung pagod ko agad na napalitan ng saya. Lalo na ng dumating ang aking pamilya. Cenelebrate namin ang birthday ko kasama ang mga taong mahal ko, sobrang saya dahil kasama ko sila ngunit hindi maalis sa 'kin ang pangamba.
Nang mag hating gabi na, umuwi na ang lahat kami nalang ni Casper ang natira. Inaya niya ko sa roof top ng condo para mag star gazing.
"I miss this!"
Niyakap ko siya habang nakatingin kami sa kalangitan, dahil baka eto na ang huli.
Ansarap pagmasdan ng langit lalo na pagmadami kang iniisip, nakakatanggal ito ng mga problema.
He pulled me closer to hold my waist. While I'm staring at the beautiful sky.
"I love staring at this beautiful view." He said while looking at me.
"Tsk sa 'kin ka nga nakatingin!" I looked at him then I rolled my eyes.
"Because you're the most beautiful view for me Cass." He wink at me.
Agad ko siyang hinampas, "Akala ko ba mag star gazing tayo?" My brows furrowed.
"Yeah, we're doing it right now. We're both looking at the star, I'm looking at you while you're looking at me. I'm your Rigel and you're my Cassiopeia." He sincerely said while looking at me.
"Badoy mo!" Hinampas ko ulit siya.
"It's not badoy if you're blushing." He chuckles.
He gave me a box. Then I opened it.
Nang mabuksan ko na ito tuwang-tuwa ako dahil ang ganda ng regalo niya, isang glow in the dark star globe lamp na may mga constellations.
"Do you like it?" He asked curiously.
"Yes." I forced a smile.
We stared at the sky for almost one hour then we go back to his unit.
Habang tumatagal mas lalo akong nahihirapan.
Weeks passed by, we became so busy. It's so hard to find time for us. That's why we settled for texting and calling each other. It's so exhausting this past few weeks. Sabayan pa ng mga problema ko sa buhay.
From Rigel:
Cass I have a good news! I am finally promoted as Marketing VP. This is for us! I love you.
To Rigel:
That's great, Congrats Rigel.
From Rigel:
Thank you Cass we'll celebrate this on our 4th Anniversary. Always take care Cass.
Hindi ko na binalak pang magpakilala sa tatay ko dahil ayokong magkagulo. Ano naman ang sasabihin ko sa tatay ko pag lumapit ako sakaniya upang magpakilala? Ako nga po pala 'yong anak niyo sa kabit niyo noon, at mag kasintahan kami ng anak niyo ngayon.
Kaya naman pinili ko nalang manahimik, ang mahalaga sa 'kin nakita ko ang tatay ko at nakilala ko siya kahit papaano. Isa pa ayoko ng makadagdag pa sa problema ng pamilya nila.
Dumating ang araw ng Anniversary namin ni Rigel. Sinundo niya 'ko sa trabaho. Dahil pupunta daw kami sa isang fireworks festival.
Ang haba ng biyahe namin dahil sobrang traffic, naka-idlip na 'ko dahil sa sobrang pagod.
"Cass wake up, we're finally here." He slightly tapped my shoulders to wake me up.
Agad ko namang minulat ang mata ko ng maramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa balikat ko.
"Let's go?" He asked and gave me a sweet smile.
I nodded.
Mag-aantay pa kami ng thirty minutes bago mag simula ang fireworks festival. Kaya napagpasiyahan muna naming kumain. Pumasok kami sa loob ng mall at doon naghanap ng restaurant na makakainan.
Matapos naming kumain, bumalik na kami sa venue. Saktong-sakto pagkabalik namin nagstart na, humiga kami sa damuhan at tinignan ang mga fireworks na mas lalong nag paganda sa kalangitan habang sinasabayan ng musika.
Rigel intertwined our hands, then we stared at the beautiful sky with full of fireworks.
"Congrats Rigel and Happy 4th Anniversary for us, thank you because you're always there for me, you never leave me specially when I needed you. Thank you for your laugh because it always builds me up and your warm hands that gives me strength. You are the most important thing in the world for me and the best thing that ever happened in my life. My life is great because you added colors in it. I will treasure all the memories that we shared. Thank you for everything Rigel." I almost cried while saying this words.
"Stop saying that, you will never leave me right? Our relationship should end in church." He calmly said.
I didn't talk, I just stared at the sky while holding his hands.
"I just want to tell you that you are the reason why I can laugh everyday. When I look into your eyes, I only see pure happiness. When you smile, everything seems so magical Cass. And every time you touch me, I feel warmth. You give me everything Cass, Thank you for being there for me, for 4 years. Happy 4th anniversary Cass, I'm hoping for more years with you. I want you to be my wife in the future and I will do everything just to make it happen."
I smiled bitterly, and hugged him.
After ng fireworks festival, dumiretso na kami sa kotse niya. Pumasok na kami sa loob para umuwi sana.
"Cass I want to give you this ring, it symbolizes our love for each other." He opened a small box.
I was so shocked when I finally see it. It has a diamond at the center. At may engraving na 'Rigel loves you'.
Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kaya agad akong lumabas ng kotse at tumakbo.
"Cass!" he chased me, until he finally hold my hand.
Hinarap niya 'ko sakaniya at hindi niya binitawan ang mga kamay ko.
"Rigel let me go, please I need to think."
I tried my best to be so strong,
because I needed to be strong for the both of us.
"Cassiopeia why do you need to think? Can we talk first?" His voice broke and it hurts me so much.
I close my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Rigel can I asked for a favor? I asked him.
He nodded and walk towards me to gave me a hug.
"S-sana magawa mo 'kong palayain, dahil hindi ko na kaya pang magtagal sa relasyong 'to." Nakapikit kong sabi habang niyayakap niya 'ko.
"What? Do you want me to set you free? I can't do that Cass." He shook his head, "A-are you breaking up with me? Why? Am I not enough? Are you tired of me? Aren't you happy with me anymore?" I can sense the pain in his voice while saying those words.
"Rigel I don't know how to say this, but we can't be together." I bit my lower lip to stop my tears from falling, I try to pushed him away but he didn't let me go.
"Damn it Cass! Why? Why can't we be together? What's the problem? Please tell me so that I can fix it, we can fixed this. Because I can't fucking lose you Cass!" He messed up with his hair because of so much frustration, "Is it about my parents? Did they talk to you? Did they threatened you? What? Please answer me! I needed an explanation because I don't understand why you're suddenly breaking up with me." His lips started to shake.
"Hindi na kita mahal Rigel." I gave all my strength to say this, then I looked away.
His lips parted in shocked, "Cass, I don't believe you, You're just lying, You love me right? I know you love me Cass.Why are you doing this to me?" His tears started to fell down.
"I don't love you anymore Rigel, I already fell for Casper."
"Cass we're fucking okay, our relationship works well. What's the problem? Why all of this things are happening right now? Where did I go wrong? Is it t-true that you don't love me anymore?" He asked, hoping that I will say the truth.
He's still crying and it hurts me a lot. I want to wipe his tears away but, I can't.
"Yes, It's true. I don't love you anymore." I smiled bitterly.
"Look at me Cass and say those words again. Please, can you do that for me?" He kneel down, trying to begged me.
Ramdam na ramdam ko 'yong sakit na nararamdaman ni Rigel ngayon.
Nauubusan na 'ko ng lakas.
Lumapit ako sakaniya kahit nanghihina na 'ko, unti-unti akong nauubs.
"Gusto mong marinig ulit? I asked him, "Tumayo ka sasabihin ko lahat ng gusto mong marinig mula sa bibig ko."
He nodded.
Tumayo naman siya habang pinupunasan ang sunod-sunod na pagpatak ng kaniyang mga luha.
Ang mga luhang noon ako ang nagpupunas upang tumahan siya, ngunit ngayon wala ng magpupunas noon para sakaniya.
I look at him before saying this, "Rigel, hindi na kita mahal, Si Casper na ang mahal ko. Sana maintindihan mo na kahit kaunti wala na 'kong natitirang pagmamahal para sa 'yo. Ayokong makasama ka habang buhay Rigel, ayokong tumandang kasama ka. Please lang bitawan mo na 'ko, maghiwalay na tayo, palayain mo na 'ko. Hayaan mo naman akong sumaya, kahit wala ka na." I finally said those words, but my tears started to fall.
"C-Cassiopeia you can't do this to me. You can't decide on your own. Relationship works for two people that's why you need my approval. If you're tired we can rest, I can give you space. But please, don't break up with me. I already have plan for us, for our future, you already gave me our house plan right? I can't lose you Cass, I'm begging you please don't do this to me, don't break my heart. I will do everything for you, just to make you stay. Don't leave me like this." Pagmamakaawa niya.
"Hindi tayo para sa isa't-isa Rigel. Kaya tama na, 'wag ka ng kumapit pa sa relasyong wala ng pag-asa, bumitaw ka na. Umalis ka na, iwan mo na 'ko! Huwag mo na 'kong ikulong sa 'yo, dahil hindi na 'ko masaya sa piling mo!" I started to walk away, I walk as fast as I can.
"Cass don't leave me please." He yelled and chase me, "Cassiopeia aren't you hurting too?" His voice broke again, "I love you so much Cass, why all of this things are suddenly happening?" He run towards me, "We can work for our relationship, please don't leave me. I'm willing to do everything for you Cass, what do you want?"
Nang mahabol niya 'ko agad niya kong hinarap sakaniya, hinawakan niya ang mukha ko.
"I just want you to let me go!" I said in a calmly voice.
Tinignan ko siya sakaniyang mga mata at tanging sakit lang ang aking nakikita, sa mga matang noon ay masigla.
"Do you think it's easy to let you go Cass? It's the hardest thing I can do, but let me hold you for a little longer." niyakap niya 'ko ng napakahigpit para mapakalma 'ko, 'yung yakap na parang eto na ang huli.
Hinayaan ko siyang halikan ako sa noo, sa ilong, sa magkabilang pisngi at sa aking mga labi sa huling pagkakataon.
"Rigel tama na, hindi pa ba malinaw sa 'yo ang lahat? Hindi na kita mahal. Hayaan mo 'kong sumaya sa iba, kahit wala ka na. Dahil kahit minsan hindi ko naisip na makasama ka sa future. Rigel you deserve someone who chooses you every single day. Someone who doesn't make broken promises. You deserve someone who gives you more than anything & everything that you need. You deserve to be someone's everything Rigel not a woman like me. You deserve someone worthy of your love and that isn't me. You'll find someone better, 'yong mamahalin ka ng sobra-sobra, hindi kagaya ko na kayang mag mahal ng iba, kahit binigay mo na ang lahat. Kalimutan mo na 'ko Rigel!"
He cried so hard after hearing those words. His eyes became bloodshot.
He inhaled a large amount of breath, before talking again.
"I can't f-forget you Cass. What if, all my life when I met s-someone new, I will never fall for her because they aren't you?" He looked away and massaged his head, "You want me to forget you Cass?" He looked at me.
"Yes." I nodded then I smiled bitterly.
"Damn it Cass! It's so hard to let you go, It's so hard to forget someone like you. You gave me everything I need, I found my comfort in you."
Sinipa niya ang mga bato dahil sa galit. Halos magwala na siya dahil sa sobrang sakit na nadarama.
"Gusto mo kong saktan? Sige saktan mo ko Rigel! kasi deserve ko 'yon, sampalin mo na ko, sapakin mo 'ko, sipain mo 'ko, sigawan mo ko, murahin mo ko, tatanggapin ko lahat kasi hindi ako marunong makuntento. Binigay mo na lahat sa 'kin, pagmamahal, oras, material na bagay, pinapasaya mo 'ko, andiyan ka lagi para sa 'kin pero nagawa ko pa ding maghanap ng iba, niloko kita Rigel."
"I can't hurt you Cass, I'm scared of hurting you. I love you so much and I respect you. I will never hurt you because you're so precious. You want me to set you free? I will do it, because I respect your decision Cass even though it gives me so much pain." Napaupo na siya dahil sa labis na panghihina, "Fuck! I can't believe that this time I'm setting you free, I never thought that our relationship will end up like this. But, if that's what you wanted, I hope you'll find the happiness that you deserve with Casper. I love you so much Cass and I'm willing to let you go if that's the only thing that can make you happy. Please be happy Cass, be happy with Casper. But for the last time, allow me to take you home, I just want to make sure that you'll be home safely."
Hinayaan ko siyang ihatid ako sa bahay, buong biyahe namin ay nabalot kami ng sakit at pait.
After we arrived at my house, he kissed me on my forehead for the last time.
"I'm setting you free my love, I just want to make you happy, even if it means breaking me. But I ain't never gonna stop loving you."
'Yan ang huling katagang narinig ko sakaniya.
He take his hands off me, and watched me walked away from his life.
Sobrang sakit, hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang magpatuloy ng wala siya.
Pumasok na 'ko sa loob at umiiyak ko siyang tinanaw mula sa bintana. Sinasapak at sinisipa niya ang kotse niya habang siya'y umiiyak. Sobrang naawa 'ko sakaniya.
Gusto kong bumalik papunta sakaniya upang muling yakapin siya, punasan ang mga luha niya, at halikan siya upang tumahan na. Pero hindi pwede, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na bumalik sakaniya, pinigilan kong bumalik sa taong naging mundo ko sa apat na taon naming pagsasama.
One of the saddest part in life is when you need to let go someone you love, even you still love each other, but you chooses to be apart. He tried to chase me to make things right, but I pushed him away. I pushed him away enable to let me go.
It's so hard to let go the person you love the most. But it's harder when you know that it's the right thing to do.
One day our relationship was so perfect. And now our relationship was finally over.
And it hurts me a lot.
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