Snowdrops in summer

I was furious. I' m pretty sure that a cloud of steam was rising from my head at that point. Alright, that is definitely an exaggeration but in my present state of fury then, every exaggeration was totally justified.

I have no idea how long I'd been standing there but I don't think I moved a finger since. Speaking of fingers; there was a trail of blood flowing from my left hand. Apparently, I had been digging my fingernails into my palm, probably in an attempt to distract myself from the aching throb in my chest. Did it work? Definitely not.

My knuckles were also white from tightly gripping the railings, so much so thati feared they might break.

 I thought that anger was alleviated or minimized at least, when people went out for fresh air. For a while now I'd been standing in the freshest air around but there's been no improvement. In fact, I think the situation was getting out of hand because black spots were now dancing in front of my face.

But for the reassuring hand I felt on my shoulders in that moment, I think I would have blacked out.

Uncle Mark was the kindest person I knew. He was always around. He scolded me when I was at fault but in moments like these, his comfort was priceless. It was all I needed. I couldn't help but wish he was my father sometimes.

Oh, my father was a great dad, awesome personality and easy to love. He had his flaws but I loved him so. Nevertheless, my only regret was that; in situations like these, my father was good at doing only one thing; nothing. And that was the worst thing one could be doing in my defense at such moments. 

Well, it took some getting used to. At least, I no longer felt the urge to rip off his ears; those same ears I loved to play with as a child. Weird right? Still, don't blame me, we all have our flaws.

As usual, uncle Mark was able to bring me some calm and I was thankful. But be not deceived though, in a typical Nigerian home, it didn't matter wether you were at fault or not, there's always something you are not meant to do next time because that was what caused the issue this time. It's always like, 'I know it's not your fault but maybe you should have...done this or done that, or not done something or the the other.' there's just no way you'd be a hundred percent innocent even though you know for a fact that you are a hundred percent  innocent. I don't know, i feel like I'm starting to sound like a crazy person.

Anyways, to cut the long story short, Uncle Mark's warning to me this time, was to try and curtail my anger in the future. But whatever, the case, the deed was done and Margaret should be dedicated to watching her back from now on. Because I could definitely endure a little spanking and punishment. And so what if i got grounded? I'd sneak out anyway.

💌

I read somewhere that an after effect of fury was excessive thirst and In my almost calm state, all I could actually think of was how much of a genius that writer must have been. 

Walking up to the fridge, I picked a bottle of swan water and gulped down the entire liquid in successive and equally loud gulps.. For days now, there had been shortage of electricity so consequently, the water was not as chilled as I would have dimmed fit. but, it had to do.

Walking to the backyard, I sat on the wooden bench under the Mango tree. This was my second favorite place in the world, apart from under my blanket. But then again, i hadn't been to many places as my whole life was centered in a small community somewhere in Maitama. The community was so smalk, we didn't even have a police station. But nevertheless, it was so peaceful out here. In season though, your head might just receive a bang from a falling mango. At this time of the year though, there was no tendency of such risks.

As I sat under the tree, my nerves became so relaxed, sleep threatened to overwhelm me.

Then Margret chose this exact moment to pass by, smiling wickedly and swaying her tiny hips with the confidence of the devil's incarnate.

. I actually surprised myself when I lifted two fingers in form of greeting to her, not because I felt like being polite but because I wanted to catalyse a reaction from her for my own amusement and Margaret never failed to not disappointed me.

There was no way I could have missed the frown that creeped into her pretty face. Of course, that in turn triggered a satisfied smirk on my path. I'm such a sweetheart.

As I resettled into my relaxed state, I found myself reflecting on the day's events and Wondering what it would have been like if things had chosen to take a different turn.

I suppose you woke up this morning to the annoying sound of an alarm clock which you felt the need to destroy for jeopardizing your beauty sleep.

Well, lucky you, at least you could afford to own an alarm clock. I wake up every single morning to the sound of a rat nibbling on one of my books, or much worse; my toes. 

Dragging my lazy ass out of bed, I went ahead to carry out my morning routine; you know, morning peeing, toothbrushing, face washing, and waking siblings. Trust me I hated that last bit.

Having to wake up a single sibling at an early hour might be a cup of coffee. When waking up 2 siblings, the experience might not be as thrilling. But having to wake up three of my siblings...you might as well just commit suicide.

Jordan was fourteen and loved to feel like an independent young adult. He didn't like anyone telling him what to do and whenever things got out of hand, like they did today, he would simply just order me out of his room. Of course I did not have a choice. Jordan could easily beat me up if he wanted to, I mean, not that he'd ever tried before but I really didn't want to know what it would be like if he did. 

I was two years older than him but he was by far taller than me. Plus, he was a boy and although i didn't think God was very fair in creating me, i guess I'd rather stick with my ugly body parts rather than loosing 'em and worse, to a good beating from my little brother.

 My last resort now, was to send Mills up to keep him company . dear old Mr. Mills, so fluffy. Nothing could warm you up better or give you an amazing tickle experience. You could always count on Mr.Mills, he never fails. 

As expected, Jordan was down in a few minutes with a pointed glare in my direction. Well, what can I say, so long as I got him down in time for school, everything was good. I just worry that one of these days, he might end up mutilating the innocent cat and giving me it's skin as a birthday present.

Little Devon would kick, scratch, bite, cry, anything to ensure that I let him be. But since he was very little, i could easily just carry him in a bundle and shove him in the bathtub; one of the advantages of being a big sister, we are strong. Of course, i earned a few bruises every now and then and sometimes a migrain but i wasn't complaining, It's all part of the trials and tribulations of being a single parent. You heard me, I'm the parent, the only available one at least. My mum works herself to death andis never around while my dad is a mute. I don't even know what goes on in that study of his, neither do i know what goes on in his head. We used to be so close, i wonder what went wrong. Now, the only time i ever see him is when i go to give him his meals.

Halona and I share a room and she is a light sleeper, waking her is not always as tedious. Sometimes, she even wakes up When I do. Probably because I'm not always entirely silent while carrying out my morning routine. 

Not that I'm a fan of favorites but Halona is always around. She is always ready to supply advice, support and a shoulder to cry on. She might be the total opposite of me in the sense that she is nosy, and not so organized. She is also a chatter box but damn if she isn't a great listener.

last year when Halona had been transferred to a boarding school, I was broken. My parents had tried to comfort me by telling me it was for her good and it was going to help her learn some level of discipline. 

Jordan and Devon had also tried to cheer me up in their own little way and I appreciated it, really, I did. But all I wanted was my sister and none of their kind gestures seemed to produce her. 

Over the years, Halona and I seemed to have been connected by some sort of bond. Maybe it was because she was my only sister or maybe it was because she was nearest in age to me with only a year and a half age difference. Either way, I felt that no one else could understand me as much as she did and every night after she was gone, I found my mind drifting away in thoughts of her as I watched the night sky through my window. I couldn't help but wonder if she was thinking about me too. I had even moved to her bed, temporarily abandoning mine in an attempt to establish some connection with her. It had made me feel closer to her in some sort of way.

I was beyond excited when I heard that an epidemic had broken out In the region where Halona's school was located. Don't get me wrong, I worried for her safety but the thought of her being withdrawn from that GOD FORSAKEN school was a thrill. Call me selfish, it's not as if I cared. Besides, the doctor had assured us of her well being so I had more than enough reason to be excited.

''Alyssa'' I was brought out of my thoughts when little Devon spoke;

"Is there a possibility that I can call in sick today and just stay at home? Look, i think I'm having a fever and my temperature is a bit high" 

As I looked at him, I couldn't help but smile. He was so cute. Apparently, he was still finding it hard to accept the painful reality that sleep time was over. Every other day, this was the same routine. Same excuse, same reply, but this child had refused to take a hint. This was getting pretty old. Anyways, he seemed to enjoy this game so the least I could do as a sweet big sister was to play with him.

"For the millionth time Devon, call me Allie" Devon was the only one who had chosen to defy my wishes of being called Allie and insisted on the full name. "And yes Devon, you can skip school today, I'm just gonna quickly rush in and tell Mama that her little boy is Ill so she can ensure you are properly taken care of."

"Never mind I think I'll just go to school, I don't feel so terrible anymore in truth." He replied hastily.

That was very much expected. In my house, never pray to be sick. Oh you will be pampered but that wouldn't prevent you from drinking my mother's special herb. Did I mention that my mum was a bit traditional? If I did, then I was telling a lie. My mum was very traditional. I have absolutely no idea what she puts in that thing but it was awfully bitter. You had a choice of not drinking it but

That would be at the expense of whatever meal was next, trust me it was not worth it.

After managing to get all three kids ready for school, I was still doing the final tasks of brushing Devon's hair, and shoving Jordan's homework into his bag when the bus arrived. Halona was now in the 9th grade and was already long gone before the boys were ready. Most times, she took her bike but on rare occasions, she caught a ride with the Carsons whose youngest daughter was her best friend

Relief washed over me as I savoured the silence that accompanied the absence of the kids. I finally felt as though I could finally have some "me time". I was in senior year and was on mid term break that is why I could have some peace. Theirs wasn't due till next week. I groaned when i realized that id be attending classes while they lazied at home. i was about to retire back to my room when I realized with annoyance that I wasn't alone in this house. Margaret fucking Johnson was under this same roof. It was also at that same moment that I realized there was no water available for house chores in the house since my parents could no longer afford to pay our water bills and since PHCN (Power Holding Company Of Nigeria.) had decided that it was alright to deprive us of electricity. Now I had get water from a nearby well. The well belonged to Grandpa Solo who owned a bakery down town. I was gifted with treats of cookies and cake, every once in a while and I was very much fond of the sweet old man. He was old but his strength had not failed him. That was something to admire. 

It was my duty to fill up the large water urn in the backyard and if i was to complete that task before Mama got home or else she would have my head on a spike. I needed all the help I could get. Given the circumstances and with all the siblings away, Margaret was my last resort.

I groaned as I pushed myself upstairs towards Margaret's room. I hated it when she was here. She was bossy and nosy and lazy and disorganized. She lacked manners and was a slut all the way. At school, I hated her guts. I hated the fact that she was my cousin. I couldn't speak any better of her sister Kate. They are both nieces to my papa. After their mother died, they were being tossed from one relation to the other and never really had a permanent home. Several years earlier, their parents were divorced and their father was never heard of again. Rumor has it that he moved to Kano, in the north while others still believe that he was still in some other part of Abuja. I felt sorry for them sometimes but with their attitude, it was quite difficult to reserve even the smallest sized sympathy for them. Their behavior could be blamed on on all the unfortunate happenings in their lives or maybe it's all as a result of their own personal traits. Whatever the case, their behavior could hardly be justified.

It was 9 A.M and I rolled my eyes at the thought that she was still sleeping. Knocking on the door a few times, I slightly pushed the door and peeked inside and there She lay sprawled carelessly on the bed like a bundle of rubbish with the covers cast on the floor. 

With a sigh, I walked over to the side of her bed and tapped her gently, not wanting to upset her. Not that I cared about her feelings but because I was desperately in need of her help.

"Hey Margaret, it's me Allie. I am actually heading to Grandpa Solo's yard to get some water for the house. Just wondering if you wanted to tag along to render some assistance?

"Go away Allie, I'm still very tired and and need my rest." Those were the only words she could mumble out before drifting back to sleep. I wondered where I even got the Idea that she might want to help in the first place. 

It was wise not to press further. Maggie was such a professional drama queen. She might end up with some sorry tale of how I planned to murder her in her sleep. The sad part was that Mama would always take her side and punish me nonetheless. Not that I cared; I was used to it; used to being the unwanted one.

Standing up from the bed where I had been sitting, I contemplated smacking her head with a pillow but decided against it. With a sigh, i marched out of the room, slamming the door a lot louder than wasnecessary. I could here Margaret ranting about something. It was definitely not in my favor but I paid her no attention.

As usual, Grandpa Solo and his wife were homily. His wife offered me freshly baked cookies and a glass of milk which I accepted without hesitation. I was still getting my self ready to begin my task when I heard footsteps headed in my direction.

Instinctively, I turned around; maybe a little too abruptly because I lost balance and would have fallen if not for the timely intervention of this stranger. Straightening up AND clearing my throat in attempt to thank this hero of mine for coming to my rescue even though he was literally responsible for my loss of balance in the first place, I was shocked to see who was grinning mischievously at me

"Clumsy much?" He asked with a grin, the familiarity of his voice warming me from inside out. My mouth however decided to betray my thoughts as it opened up but refused to produce any words. All I could do was blink, open my mouth, close it then open it again.

"Well, good to see you too" he said, rolling his eyes when he saw i wasn't saying anything.

I think I must have found my voice then.

"Henry" was the only word I could manage though as I ran into his embrace.

Henry and I had grown up together with just a fence separating our yards. We were the best of friends, best buddies even. We were always there for each other. 

When he had to leave my heart was shattered into a million pieces. His mother had given birth to him at a very young age, a year before I was born. she later got married and had to move to Kaduna. That was about five years ago and that was the last time I ever heard from or saw Henry.

I don't know how long I stood there in his arms, sobbing silently but when I finally got my emotions under control, I took a step back, looked him straight in the eye and then another wave of emotion washed over me. Without warning, my hands shot up into the air, gathered a considerable amount of momentum, plunged forwared and smacked him right across the face. I slapped him...yup, that's exactly what I did. Don't ask me why because I don't even know the answer to that. It just felt like the right thing to do and damn if it didn't feel great. If there was no justifiable reason, Then call it pay back for several years of teasing. 

"Ouch, what was that for?" He yelled, massaging the spot where i had manhandled.

" I don't know; you tell me." I said in a ridiculous attempt of an answer.

"You really haven't changed Ferally. But seriously, what crossed your mind that prompted you to become so violent mere seconds after soaking my shirt in your tears?" Henry demanded.

Hearing Him call me Ferally again brought another well of tears to my eyes. I didn't realize how much I had missed the nickname despite the fact that I hated it, or did I? I suppose I did, but maybe I didn't. I wasn't sure anymore.

I had earned myself that nickname in 8th grade when I got into a fight in order to save one of my classmates from the consequences of her own offence. She wasn't a close friend or anything like that. Damn! I didn't even know her name. I just had it in me to help everyone in need. I remember that day, I was like; " why are you hurting my sister." I called her my sister so that I had a good reason to help her and not look like an intruder. I Never actually won any of my fights because my contenders were always bigger and stronger than i was. There were always broken bones, missing teeth, bruised skin or dizziness after every fight but trust me, I wouldn't miss the next fight for all the treasure in the world. pfft, as if I could help it.

I don't remember exactly what happened that day but I was sure that this girl was in some serious trouble but not if she could avoid it. Well, being my awesome self, I stepped in to defend her and earned myself a few blows and punches. A tooth also got to serve as a sacrifice for my kind heart. Such a Noble deed.

Since then, Henry would always say that I was a feral wolf that could never be tamed and if I even dared to say it wasn't true, all he had to do was point at an evidence of his claim which in most cases was either a bruise or a cast, better still, a bandage or a missing tooth.  

"Ferally"- stupid combination of feral and Allie. Dumb right? I know, but trust Henry to manufacture shit at a moment's notice.

" ...So, how do you plead?" Henry spoke, holding an imaginary microphone to my mouth and equally bringing me back from La La land, only there was no singing there, only fighting.

"Uhm, not guilty?" I replied. It sounded more like a question rather than an answer.

"Well, miss Reuel, how then do you justify the fact that you just assaulted an innocent civilian without any cause." 

"Assault is a very strong word Mr. Martins" I said with a slight smile.

Ignoring my remark, he moved on with his interrogation; "Do not forget that you swore an oath to this honourable court that you would speak the truth and Nothing but it. Be reminded also that there were witnesses present at the crime scene who are willing to testify against you." 

"Well, my reasons were justifiable" I stated matter-of-factly.

"In that case, the court is willing to whatever you've got to say in your defence."

"I already told you Henry, I don't know why I slapped you. I saw you, i was surprised and confused, my instinct went ahead of me and there, you've got a bruised cheek" I answered, abruptly dismissing our imaginary court session. Henry kept looking at me as if i had lost my mind and at the same time wordlessly compelling me to give him some valid explanation.

 "I don't know, maybe it's because you decided to leave when you had the choice of staying with your Grandpa...and me." I suggested.

"I didn't have a choice Al and you know it." Henry defended, hurt burning eyes. I wanted to feel sorry for him but he was the one who abandoned me afterall.

"Oh yes you did, but you decided it was okay to turn your back on those who loved you and cared for you." I shot back.

"I was worried for my mum, I didn't trust Jack and I didn't want him to hurt her just like my father did. I explained things to you before i left, i thought you understood, you even encouraged me saying it was a courageous decision, did something change?" I could see the resentment he held against his father from his face and tone as he spoke.

"Well, maybe I'm mad because you didn't visit sooner or call to let me know that you were okay or Maybe it's because you promised to write as soon as you could but you never did. Five years Henry, five good years and I had not even the slightest clue on what could have become of you.For all i knew that son of a bachelor might have stabbed you and dumped you in a latrine pit. Another possible reason is the fact that you are back here, in Abuja, right now. I don't know what is wrong with that but I need every excuse to be angry and that just came in handy. Oh and let's not forget the fact that you are here, talking to me as if everything is fine when it is absolutely not and you keep pretending that you don't have tonnes of explaining to do. And I'm standing here talking to you when I know that I have chores which are at the verge of not being completed because I missed you so much and want to spend time with you. And I am angry because I want to be a lot more angry with you but can't be any more angry than I already am. I want to tell you everything that happened while you were gone, yet I want to stab you right in the neck. Now how's that for feral. But if i do that then you'll die and I'll loose you forever and then I'll go to jail and I would loose my mind. I'm mad because you missed my 16th birthday even though we planned for it for years. And I'm angry that I can't stay mad at you forever because I love you so very much. but you left me and I spent weeks crying and missing you, not sure if I was ever going to see you again. Need I say more?"

By the time I was finished, I was practically breathless, Henry would not even look at me now but he wore a very sad expression. I knew I was ranting but I couldn't stop myself. I needed to get everything out. He seemed to have lost his voice and when he opened his mouth to speak, I prepared myself for a very tangible explanation; one that never came.

" I'm sorry" he croaked.

" You're sorry, seriously, that's the best you could come up with?" Alright, I was definitely going to burst out of fury.

" I have no excuse Al and I'm sincerely sorry for hurting you. I tried contacting you on several occasions, believe me I tried, but my mum stopped me, she said it was for my own safety. She said that was the reason we left in the first place; To protect me from certain bad people. Please trust me Al, you Know I'll never hurt you on purpose. I was young and scared, I mean I'm still young but there's been a little maturity since then.

I totally believed him but I was worried. What bad people were after him and why would they want to hurt him. He said that's all his mother told him. She said that was all he was allowed to know. He said he was back because he wanted answers.

Well, he succeeded in halfing my worry but that didn't mean my mind was a 100% settled.

He helped me fill the water urn before we went on to catch up on the lost days. I got to know about his cool new school and his first girlfriend. I did not have feelings for him, not like that but I couldn't help the feelings of jealousy that crept into my mind against this girl that meant so much to him. He was so passionate as he spoke about her. That was my place, you know.

I dismissed the thought and focused on other things. i told him about Margaret and about when Halona had gone to boarding school. I told him about my new hobbies of writing and singing and I was more than pleased to inform him that i hadn't been in any fights since his departure. Except with Margaret of course.

Time flew whenever I was with Henry; it always did. When We said our goodbyes, I was happy and peaceful.That was until I entered my front yard and saw Margaret. Washing her mighty pile of dirty clothes; with the water I had fetched with my hard strength and that of my best friend. Okay, Henry did most of the work but i still had the right to be angry right?

The urn was practically empty by the time i got home and there was definitely no time to refill it before Mama returned. This time, I made up my mind not to dismiss any thoughts that my feral mind suggested to me concerning Margaret.

 Right now , the only thing on my mind was ripping off her hair from her scalp and I went right into action. This was not the first time, not even the hundredth time. I ask for her help, she declines and the next instant, she is wasting my efforts like I'm some stupid maid who works for her. I f she needed to do her laundry then she could get her own God damned water. Today, i was determined to teach her a lesson, one she'd be remembering for a very long time.

" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU Alyssa, LET GO OFF MY HAIR RIGHT NOW,YOU CRAZY MANIAC. YOU ARE HURTING ME. YOU WOULD REGRET THIS I SWEAR, MAMA WOULD HAVE YOUR ASS FOR THIS. LET ME GO YOU PSYCHO, LET ME GO YOU CRAZY FELLOW, OW MY HAIR. PLEASE LET ME GO." She cried.

She could scream all she wanted but I was not backing out, not until I was satisfied.

At least, that was the plan up until the point where I was pulled off by very strong hands.

"Alyssa Reuel, come with me now." I turned around to see my mother glaring daggers at me.

" But Mama..." I tried to protest.

" Don't get me more upset than I already am young lady, now do as you are told."

I followed her meekly into the house to face the music of my actions With my head bowed down like a sheep being led to the slaughter. From the corner of my eye, I saw Margaret sprawled on the ground crying her lungs out and a satisfied smile consumed my face. It didn't matter that i was going to be facing serious trouble, whatever punishment I'd be receiving, it was definitely going to be worth it.