Deaf or stupid, what's your excuse?" I demanded as soon as Jenny woke me the next morning. I had given her strict instructions not to wake me up but yet, here we are.
"Ah ah, dont be like that now. You know i wouldn't have woken you up if i knew you wouldn't be interested in what i have to tell you. "
"And you couldn't wait for me to wake up."
"Fred would be here to take me any minute now"
"You would still come back na. "
"Yeah, but not today, i'm staying at Fred's place till monday. " she turned her face from me as she said that last part and i didn't blame her. She had never stayed at Fred's and she seemed nervous. But before Fred, i had never seen Jenny so happy and that was enough for me."
"Jenny is a big girl iya iya o" I sang to tease her and she gave me a fake glare and we both laughed.
"Oya tell me. And if what you want to say is rubbish, God bless my soul, my name would be added to the list of murders."
My sleep had actully vanished and i hated that, but curiosity had gotten the better part of me. And with the way Jenny was excited, i really wanted to know what she wanted to say.
"So i was scanning through your profile on instagram and guess what? "
"What? "
"You famous girl." she said, clapping and bouncing up and down.
"Jenny what are you even talking about? "I asked.
"I said you are on your way to become a celebrity. Look here." she said handing me her phone. "An additional three thousand followers within the last 24 hours. How crazy is that? And your subscribers on youtube are like 1500. 327 people shared your video and your likes are just multiplying by the second. Keep up with this rate and in a month's time, you'd be a star."
I was so shocked that i couldn't even close my mouth. The suprise on my face seemed like a fuel that boosted her enthusiasm and she just kept ranting. When she decided to shut up, that was my cue to speak.
"So, Jenny, you woke me up from my sleep to tell me that i have 5000 followers on instagram and 1700 subscribers on you tube. "
"Yes, yes yes. Isn't that amazing? " she squealed in delight.
"Mai chonu gi there before i land you one authentic igbati." I said in English, Igbo and Yoruba combined. "See this girl o. You woke me up before 8 A.M on a saturday to tell me that people are liking and following me because of a video i did not even post. Who even posted that thing first before everybody started posting and reposting and tagging me? Can you imagine.
I turned away from her and spoke to noone in particular; "The chick said i was famous. See me thinking Instagram has given me blue tick."
Facing her again, i continued, "See, dont be trying this kind of rubbish with me and my sleep o."
"Ah sorry o, sorry madam. I thought i was bringing for you good news." Jenny said, apparently dissapointed.
"You better be sorry o. Don't be thinking that kind of thought when it comes to my sleep. Oya tell me now, would they change the followers to money for me? Mtcheeeew. Now my sleep has vanished." i lamented.
"that one is your own business o. Your mates are on the streets hawking for a living and you are here complainig about sleep at 9 A.M. You should be ashamed of your self." Jenny said while walking out of the room.
"Tor, the lord is their muscle. That is their own cross. They should come and read this anatomy textbook and see wonders." i said in reply before my head my dissapeared under the covers.
Ten minutes later, i was still tossing and turning. Unable to find myself a comfortable position. Jenny was also in the kitchen making some very loud noises. I had a strong feeling that it was intentional.
Marching angrily to the kitchen, I said with a start ; "Jenifer Kelvin Ikedinachi. Did they send you to me? did anybody send you to me this morning. If they did, then you better go back to whoever sent you and tell them you did not see me or else... or else. Hmm mei've said my own o "
She didn't even answer me. What am i saying, she didn't even do as much as turn to look at me.
"Shebi i'm talking nonesense ba? Im saying trash abi? Oya na, we will see. Thank God it is just you and me in this house."
I made to walk out of the kitchen when my eyes landed on the water boiling furiously on the stove. I glanced back at Jenny. there was a towel tied firmly around her waist while she sang joyfully. A mischievious grin consumed my face as i got a bright idea.
Walking silently to my room, i opened the bathroom door and picked a bucket. in the kitchen, i walked over to the stove, picked up the kettle and turned its contents into the bucket. I was almost finished when Jenny turned around and saw me.
"What do you think you are doing? I was just about to use that." she yelled.
I had actually wondered why she didn't notice me sooner. The reason was clear now. Her ears were stuffed with ear plugs. I also realized too late that I was yelling at myself when I thought I was yelling at her. 'So stupid.'
"Well, I didn't see you using it and now I want to use it." I countered
"That's hardly fair you know. " Jenny said with a frown. "Fred would be here soon and i'm not even almost ready. "
"Life isn't fair best friend. Let him wait. " I said as I walked out of the kitchen, bucket in hand. I mentally gave myself a pat on the back. Good job Alyssa, congratulations on being successful on your first mission of pissing Jenny off. She was already so mad that I was almost, just almost starting to feel sorry for her. But little did she know that this was just the first plan executed.
As I walked towards my room, I looked back and saw Jenny refilling the kettle from the tap in the sink and I smiled. Now, that's what you get for messing with Ally.
I contemplated a long and relaxing shower but I decided against it and opted for a quick and thorough cleanup. The toothpaste tube was practically empty and I had to do a lot of work to get some unto my toothbrush. I walked to my supply drawer and checked for an extra but there was none. I seemed to have used them all. Picking up my phone, I set a reminder.
"Buy toothpaste and mouthwash."
After my shower I picked the first thing my hands touched in my wardrobe. It was a brown jeans trouser. white turtle neck long sleeve shirt came out next. My striped tank top followed suit and then my sandals.
I didn't have much to do with my hair so a little brushing was enough. Makeup wasn't really a necessity, neither was it my thing. So a little powder and lip gloss was okay. Mascara was a no go area for me. I loved my eyes too much to bring anything close to it. Generally I loved my face. I practically hated anything that made me hold my breath. Possibly, it was because of the asthma but all I know is that for a very long time, I've hated water on my face. My mum told me that when I was little, I would run out of the bathroom when she was bathing me as soon as she poured water on my face. She used it to always tease me and it soon became somewhat like an anthem.
I picked my purse and stuffed it with my phone, lip gloss, some money and a handkerchief.
In the living room, the TV was on. It was tuned to Na Geo wild. I couldn't undetstand why anyone would want to watch animals mate. I couldnt deny the fact that I actually enjoyed some documentaries though.
As I sat on the couch searching for anything interesting to watch, the doorbell rang and I went to get it.
"Hey Alyssa, what's up? "
"Hi Fred, how are you." I said, walking into his open arms for a hug.
"I'm good. I see you're up early today" he said while coming in. Dude knew me too wel.
In his left hand he had a leather bag which contained two massive pineapples.
"Here you go" he said handing me the bag. Whenever Fred came over, he always had something for us.
"Thanks Fred." I said while collecting the fruits. As I went to drop it on the dining table, I continued. "Speaking of being up early, I think I have specific people to blame for that. You should really consider compensating me or I might just decide to murder your fiance in her sleep."
I couldn't tell if Fred was about to say something because just then, Jenny walked into the living room.
"Hey guys, how do I look?" She asked. While twirling around so we could have a better view.
"perfect."
"You look great" I said. She did look great. Her black dress and red heels. Where a perfect pair. And her makeup was explicit. She had a talent in that aspect
"Thanks" she said before going to give Fred a welcome kiss. Then her eyes landed on me.
"Hey Al, you going somewhere?"
"Yeah, i'm coming with you guys."
"No you're not." She protested. Visibly terrified.
"Fred invited me last month remember? "
"Yeah, but you declined."
"And i'm taking him up on his offer now. " I shot back.
"It's alright babe, I promise we would have a great time. The more the merrier." Fred chimed in.
She just stomped to to the car and her sweetheart ran after her. I stayed back to lock the doors and we were soon on our way.
At the restaurant, I had a little more than enough to drink and my plan of disrupting their romance sessions was now in full swing.
In an attempt to embarrass Jenny, I revealed some of her secrets and she did not waste any time retaliating.
In the end, it just turned out to ne a secret revealing forum and I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. i think Jenny almost vomited because of too much laughter. Fred wasn't left out of the fun either.
On the way home, I asked Fred.
"So, oga Frederick, what makes you think you can just get married to my best friend without my permission."
"Sorry, madam."
"You think i'm joking don't you. You'd be surprised when the bride gets missing on the wedding. "
Jenny laughed.
"Don't be ridiculous Alyssa." Fred said with a smile.
"I won't be, trust me. And now you just want to steal her away for the weekend. you would pay a fine for that. Do you think its funny to live alone?''
"I'll bring her back to you in one peace."
"If you like don't. Wetin be my concern, but I will not pity you when her mother sits on your head."
For whatever reason, none of them found it funny. But it was supposed to be a joke nau. I really needed to iprove on my joke cracking skills.
"Fred, please drop me here, I can find my way home from this point"
I said as we approached the bus station.
At home, I didn't even bother to undress. I just decided to go and see Esther. (Siesta) i really missed her.
The next day was sunday but I was in no state to go to church. My project was my biggest priority now. "I can pray at home" I told myself.
I was just about to bury myself in my work when the doorbell rang. Groaning I pushed myself to answer it. It was the delivery man.
"Miss Benson?" He asked. As soon as I opened the door.
"Yes that's me." I replied curiously.
"Alright, could you please sign here?"
i did so without hesitation. when he was gone, I quickly unwrapped The package. I wasn't expecting any deliveries so I didn't know what to expect.
Inside were two tiny gift boxes. One was pink and the other grey.
Inside the first one was a beautiful necklace with a tiny guitar at the center and I fell in love with it immediately. Inside, the note that was there read;
"please let me marry your best friend. She's such an angel."
This made me smile
The other box contained a pair of tiny glass slippers enclosed in a sea of glittery water. It emitted light when it was shaken and it was so beautiful. The note in the second box read;
"This is for stealing your best friend for the weekend. Expect more gifts Cuz I can't say this is the last time. Besides, she's moving in with me soon so you had better gotten used to it "
A stray tear ran down my cheek. Jenny was really leaving soon. I prayed for her happiness and mine before I went back to work.
🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹
I am actually asthmatic and I do remember running out of the bathroom whenever water is poured on my face. But I'm a big girl now so yeah, some of Alyssa's life isn't exactly fiction. 😉
Glossary
Igbati means "slap" in Yoruba language
May chonu gi. Means: "Keep quiet there. I think. In igbo.
Shebi: can be used in place of "abi"
It can be used to represent the phrase "you think?" Or right?
example : Shebi i'm talking trash
Meaning : you think i'm talking trash right
If its at the end of the sentence, use abi instead then the meaning becomes "right?"
For example: I'm talking trash abi?
Meaning. I'm talking trash right?
In the same sentence : Shebi I'm talking trash abi?
Meaning : you think i'm talking trash right?
Oga means mister
OYA NA an expression meaning; its alright, its all good or no problem
Tor means "okay"
Iya Iya o; so I have no idea what this means but I grew up hearing it.
Its either Susan is a bush girl, Iya Iya o
Or Susan is is a cry baby iya iya o
It fits in any sentence. Just use it if you want to look for trouble. It always works🤗