Severus Snape knew sooner or later he would get ahold of something which would incriminate Potter. He walked around the corner and saw Harry in deep discussing with Daphne Greengrass and Susan Bones. Snape knew better than to get involved. If word got back to Daphne's mother, or to Amelia Bones, then Snape would have a lot of uncomfortable explaining to do.
He knew the flying girl would be coming back. Potter could not be surrounded by witnesses forever. Snape watched a few seconds later as Potter turned around and sighed.
"May I help you, Professor Snape?"
Snape flinched a moment afterward. Susan and Daphne looked over their shoulder. Both of the second years frowned when Snape locked his gaze on them.
"Miss Grengrass, Miss Bones, I wish to have a word with Mr. Potter in private," Snape said. "I can assure you I wish him no lasting harm."
"We'll be right around the corner," Susan said. "My aunt may be speaking to you soon regarding the drop of enrollment in the Auror academy since you became the Potions Professor."
Snape just nodded, and had been angered about the implications that it was his fault he had been saddled with a bunch of dunderheads. He motioned for Harry to follow down the hallway. The Boy-Who-Lived followed Snape down the hallway.
"I know you're up to something, Potter," Snape said. "And when I find out what, I'll make sure you get expelled."
"You know, Professor, that threat really doesn't do anything to me," Harry said. "It would be a nightmare for public relations at the Ministry of Magic if the Boy-Who-Lived was expelled. There are countless other magical schools who would take me in and have that honor. And I'm certain that if they pushed the issue too far, you might find yourself out of a job."
"You arrogant child, you don't know what you're talking about," Snape said.
Harry refused to back down and blink from Snape. Snape noticed something about his eyes. They maintained the illusion of maintaining eye contact while shifting very much away. Someone smartened him up, likely Miss Greengress. If Snape called him out on it, then he would only confirm it to Potter.
"I will find out what you've been up to, Potter," Snape said.
"Oh, you will?" Harry asked. "Professor, with all due respect, this level of obsession is not really healthy. Perhaps you should get a hobby, or something?"
Snape's eyebrow raised up and he leaned closer to Harry. Harry stepped back and moved around the corner.
"Are you implying that we teachers don't have a life outside of teaching you brats?"
"Of course not, Professor Snape," Harry said. "Although, I think that Professor Dumbledore should take the mental health of all of the teachers more seriously if they believe they are seeing imaginary flying girls."
"She's not imaginary and I'll prove she's real!" Snape snapped.
The door opened up and several seventh year Ravenclaws came down the hallway. One of them was a noted gossip, and no doubt news of Snape's growing mental instability would spread by dinner time.
"Yes, and she's currently cruising around in a UFO with the Easter Bunny, Bigfoot, and the Tooth fairy," Harry said.
Luna Lovegood popped around the corner. "Seriously, Harry? Bigfoot flying in a UFO?"
The spacey girl responded with a smile. Her fellow Ravenclaws rolled their eyes until Harry gave them one of those looks. They backed off.
"We all know he has a jetpack," Luna said. "How is he supposed get away from people who see him? Very shy fellow, nice guy…I met him after I had some of Daddy's special mushrooms."
Deadpool paced up and down the murky fields which pressed into the bottom of his feet. His attention had been turned to the pixie jury who lined up. Lockhart dangled in the cage in the pit. Deadpool sat in a three piece suit affixed over his usual uniform and a wig with a ponytail. A monocle fused to his mask gave Deadpool the sense of sophistication.
"Now, can you prove that Gilderoy Lockhart was competent enough to capture Cornish Pixies?" Deadpool asked. "Look at him, and look at this man. Is he someone you think is capable of?"
Lockhart looked up at Deadpool and responded with a very brief shake of his head.
"He puts himself across as a hunter of dark magical creatures," Deadpool said. "He banished banshees, wandered with werewolves, travelled with trolls, and took a voyage with vampires. You can see all of his books described in this flowchart."
Deadpool pointed to the chart.
"Do you see any pilfering of pixies on this list?" Deadpool asked. "Because, I think that Lockhart was not the one that captured these pixies. No, they willingly agreed to go with him."
"Are you saying that our pixies willingly went with this man?" the Pixie Queen asked. "Are you saying that they lied?"
"I say that they could have," Deadpool asked. "Did you interrogate witnesses before just assuming? Did you check every single inch of their story from scrutiny? Did you double up on the people you interrogated until they screamed in terror?"
Deadpool turned to them and waved his fingers.
"You, I remember seeing you at Hogwarts," Deadpool said.
The pixie buzzed and looked at Deadpool.
"Yeah, don't think I forgot about you," Deadpool said. "And don't think my crotch has forgotten about you either after getting a fire axe to it."
The pixie buzzed and looked at Lockhart. His eyes rolled from one side to the other.
"Did you assault Wade Wilson with a fire axe at Hogwarts?" Deadpool asked. "Did you assault the Deputy Headmaster of Hogwarts? And did you dump Gilderoy Lockhart in the middle of the backwoods of West Virginia instead of bringing him straight to this forest?"
The pixie buzzed and buzzed against. The Pixie Queen turned to the subject who swallowed his throat.
"Are you saying that you took this Lockhart and dumped him in the middle of nowhere?" the Pixie Queen asked. "Are you trying to say that you tried to perform your own brand of justice without giving him his proper trial?"
Constant and repetitive buzzing from the pixie came across. He looked very anxious and the Queen bared down on him. The pixie pointed from Lockhart to the rest of the Pixies, and then made a throat slashing motion. Deadpool adjusted his monocle to look at the pixie.
"Can you provide a witness where you can verify my client, Gilderoy Lockhart, threatened you?" Deadpool asked. "Or is this just hearsay?"
The pixie sweated instantly, or did whatever pixies did when they were under a lot of stress? Deadpool extended one big arm.
"I can verify that this pixie attacked me with an ax," Deadpool said. "Harry Potter can verify, along with several other students, that I was attacked with an ax. And then Gilderoy Lockhart was taken out of the school. Most likely to cover up the fact that this pixie…what was your name again?"
The pixie gave a frantic buzz.
"Buzz," Deadpool said. "If that is your real name, then Buzz conspired with several other of your pixies to cripple human and fey relations and cause a magical war which would put the world into absolute chaos."
The pixie buzzed madly and swayed back and force pointing his way.
"Yes, I did it!" Lockhart yelled. "I captured you pixie and I intended to sell you all for slavery! Yes, I am a rotten human being, and I deserve to be sent down into the pit!"
"Do you really think that this man is capable of doing anything rotten and malicious?" Deadpool asked. "Look at him, look at this. Is this the face of a mastermind? Or the face of someone who was duped?"
The Mercenary's eyes flashed and then reached through the bag. He pulled out a copy of Gilderoy Lockhart's autobiography and flashed it at them.
"This doesn't look like a man who would maliciously attack pixies and trap them in caging before turning them into lanterns!" Deadpool yelled. "This is a man who looks like he's getting ready for a glamor shot. He's unassuming, and he was manipulated and framed by the true evil malicious mastermind of this entire case, Buzz!"
Buzz the pixie started buzzing around and making motions with his wings. The other pixies bagged off of him.
"No, I wasn't manipulated!" Lockhart yelled. "I did it all! SENTENCE ME! AND SENTENCE HIM AS WELL! THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT!"
"Be silent," the Pixie Queen said. "I've heard more than enough. And I've decided that this man, Gilderoy Lockhart is not responsible. It is you, Buzz, who is responsible for this malicious activity to punish your fellow pixies by selling them into captivity. Why?"
The Pixie guards moved on in and angrily glared at Buzz. Buzz brushed passed and pulled out a large axe before swinging it. Deadpool's eyes widened as the axe smacked him directly between the legs.
"Fuck, not again," Deadpool groaned.
Buzz moved in and swung his axe as his fellow pixies. The pixie gave an angrily screech and moved back.
The ropes holding Lockhart's cage high above the ground broke and slammed onto Buzz's body. The cage burst open and the bulbous and ugly form of Lockhart came out. The pixies all stepped back as Buzz.
"Unfortunately, it had to happen," The Pixie Queen said. "You murdered him."
"Yes, throw me into the Pit!" Lockhart yelled. "Do you not understand that you will be doing me a great mercy?" Why have you done this to me? Why have you cursed me so?"
"We have not cursed you," the Pixie Queen said. "This would be fully and completely beyond our magical capabilities to curse you like this. No, someone else is."
Lockhart pulled himself to his feet and wondered who could else who would cause it. He dug a nail into the side of his face and frowned.
"It must have been those Voodoo Hillbillies!" Deadpool yelled.
The pixies buzzed in fear and all scattered for their lives. If this one had the stench of the Voodoo Hillbillies on him, then they would be affected by them. Lockhart looked towards Deadpool who responded with a shrug.
"I think that means that you're off the hook."
Margot Dingle felt absolutely wretched. She was upset about how happy she came close to feeling due to giving Gilderoy Lockhart the Alternate Witch Weekly's Biggest Fall from Grace Award. She could not bother to look through his books.
She stuck her hands into the fire to burn them. Then when that interest passed, Margot smiled.
"Oh, it will be wonderful to see you again, Miss Dingle," Dumbledore said with a smile on his face. "But, I'm afraid Gilderoy might not be too pleased to have such an honor bestowed upon him. It may push him over the edge."
"I know!" Margot said in a miserable, yet cheerful voice. "I know! I know this could…he wouldn't be the first one to get sent over the edge. But, I can assure you that suicide is a beautiful thing, and it is a magnificent thing to see one's life being snuffed out by their own hand. Suicide is the answer to all of our problems."
A very authority voice over cut in through the story.
"The following is a public service announcement by Wade Wilson."
Wade Wilson, better known to most of you as Deadpool, appeared on the screen. He flashed a very sad smile when looking at everyone.
"I would like for people to know that opinion that suicide is the answer is that of Margot Dingle, a fictional character, and not any rational person in the real world," Deadpool said. "It is not as easy as finding a person to talk to sometime, but if you do have suicidal thoughts, then talking to someone is a good first step. Taking your life is never the answer, and remember, the people around you would never be better off if you had. Thank you."
"The following is a public service announcement from Wade Wilson."
"We're going to have to disagree with that point, Ms. Dingle," Dumbledore said. "I will allow you to attend the award ceremony in Hogsmeade, if you can behave yourself."
"I'll be there, cutting myself as I wait," Dingle said.
"Splendid, I'll be playing with my Fidget Spinner," Dumbledore said. "Hope to see you soon at Hogsmeade."
Margo disappeared from the fire to go do as she said.
It was time.
The Voodoo Hillbillies drove down the streets. One of them read a map upside down as the huge tractor trailer came down the street. They moved in front of a rickety old shack.
"Why don't get out and ask the fine fellow in the shack for some direction?" Crystal Meth asked. "Make something useful out of yourself?"
"Alright, sis," Clyde said. "Or are you my ma!"
"Damn if I know!" Crystal Meth said. "So, why don't you get out there and ask that guy in the shack if he knows where Hogwarts is?"
Clyde stepped into the shack and walked over. He knocked on the shack three times. The door burst open and a scraggly looking man with broad shoulders and a beard answer.
"We're looking for Hogwarts," Clyde said.
"Hogwarts?" the man asked. "What do you guys know about Hogwarts?"
"We know that Lockhart fellow lives up there," the hillbilly said. "We think it might be one of those alternative strip clubs."
"I don't know," the scraggly man said. "Fudge don't like us telling us to Muggles about that world."
"You talk to your fudge?" Clyde asked sounded utterly bewildered. "Why you folks, you be very weird? And Muggles….hey, Grandpappy, what's a Muggle?"
"That's some kind of dog, son," Grandpappy said. "I think he was calling you ugly."
"Man, you aren't no prize pear yourself!" Clyde said. "That makes me so gosh darn mad."
The hillbillies appeared at the front door and glared down at the scraggly man. Zed looked at a magazine in the corner and saw the face.
"Hey, Crystal Meth, here's your bride!" Zed yelled.
He passed the magazine down. Crystal Meth put down the meteor rock infested cake and looked at it.
"Well, I'll be happier than a porcupine in a balloon factory," Crystal Meth said. "Guess we got an awkward ceremony to crash."
It was time.
Molly Weasley drew in a deep breath. She watched as the cauldron simmered on the stove. She turned to Slughorn and Xeno who both nodded.
"It's time," Slughorn said.
"You've just wasted your time," Xeno said. "That potion won't cure him. You're going to need to fight the Voodoo Hillbilly Queen in combat to reverse the curse."
"I'll do what's necessary," Molly said in a somber voice.
She did not yell, she did not scream, she did not even take over everything and push people around. Time ran out.
It was time.