sampu
pag-asa
"Trevion, paki-give naman 'to kay Vortigern." Nahihiya kong pakiusap sa drummer. He raised an eyebrow, and his lips twinge upwards to a little bemused smile as he stared at the bag in my shaking hands.
He took the bag from my hold and pouts his lips, "Para kay Vortigern lang, Hate? Pa'no kami?"
It's been five days or so, since the party. Masaya ako, dahil sa pinakita ni Vortigern at sa mga inakto niya. Ayoko lang mag-feeling at baka masaktan lang ako. Pero, kahit na ganun... he moved my heart. I became more determined to get him to like me. So, here I was, in Bhaltair's cyclopian house. They're supposed to be practicing today, Helios told me habang nagliligpit kami ng mga kalat bilang tulong na rin sa mga househelp nila dito.
Helios bumped his hip against mine as I wiped down the counters, "Hate, you should go to Nexus' practices. Bhaltair told me they practice during the weekends at his place, you can watch them according to him." Nabatiwan ko ang hawak kong pamunas. I whipped my head towards his smug face. "They're rehearsing for senior's night."
"T-talaga?!"
Hinampas ni Maeve ang likod ng ulo ni Helios nang marinig niya ang usapan namin. "If that isn't true and umasa naman 'tong si gaga, I will make sakal your neck."
I searched and scanned for the perfect outfit to wear just for this very day. I know it may seem OA, but this is Vortigern. Crush ko. I needed to be presentable around him! Baka magka-develop siya bigla ng feelings sa'kin, 'di ba? I ordered his favorite dessert, lemon cupcakes. A whole box of it, especially for him. Kuya Ford was busy with his reviews for his upcoming exams, so Demeter drove me to Bhaltair's place instead. Ani niya, kakilala daw niya ang pinsan ni Bhaltair kaya naisip niyang isabay nalang ako nang marinig niya 'kong nagpapaalam kina mama. Nangingig ang aking binti habang nakatayo sa labas ng malaking bahay, si Demeter ang kumatok at ang bumungad sa'min ang isang mala-angel na babae.
Ubod ng kagandahan at mukhang modelo sa tangkad. Niyakap nito si Demeter at inanyayahan akong tumuloy sa loob. My face flushed under her gaze, she's so beautiful. I suddenly became aware of my features and felt insecure. Pushing the thought down, I lift my chin up and marched my way to the audio room na sinasabi niya. I let my eyes wander around the victorian inspired mansion.
"I don't mind spending everyday, out on the corner in the pouring rain."
The faint sound of instruments playing and a singing voice reached my hearing. I must be close, sabi nung pinsan ni Bhaltair the door next to the gigantic golden harp daw. I straighten my back and adjusted my skirt in the reflection of the shiny golden harp. The casual, oversized, blue sweater and white tennis skirt suited my skin tone. The music stopped so I took it as a sign to come in. With a huff, wrapping my hand around the door knob. Bumagsak ang kamay ko nang may lumabas na isang maganda babae. Hawak-hawak niya ang shirt collar ni Vortigern na hindi 'man lang ako napansin dahil busy siya kakahalik sa babae. They stumbled and tripped on the way to the door in front of the audio room. The click of the lock was like a call of reality to me.
Hindi ko namalayan na nalukot na pala ang paper bag sa higpit ng pagkakahawak ko dito. My chest tightened, 'di ko inaasahang makita siya sa gantong sitwasyon. I'm aware of eighteen year old's enjoying stuff like this, although hindi pa 'ko eighteen... Maeve basically eduacated me about it. The girl he was with could pass as a model, stunning and mature. My eyes cast down the floor, my vintage nike's peeking at me as I did so. Somehow, I started to realise that even if I say that I won't be sad if Vortigern won't like me back... I'm just convincing myself that it won't hurt even if it will, even just a tinge of pain.
'Yon siguro mga style niyang babae. Matangkad, maganda; 'yong pang-model ang labanan tulad ni Maeve, mature and not as childish as I am. C'mon now, why am I sulking? Bata pa naman ako. Madami... madami naman sigurong iba diyan, 'di ba? I let out a blow of air before proceeding inside the room, an audience that consisted of stuffed animals greeted me. The corners of my lips twitched upwards, nakaupo kasi ang mga 'to sa sahig na para bang nanonood sila sa Nexus.
Tumingin ako sa drums at natagpuan ko ang matalim na mata ni Trevion, hindi ko na binati ang iba pa niyang kasama dahil nahihiya ako at mukha pa 'kong nakikisali sa kanila. Nakakahiya talaga. Pagkatapos kong ipabilin nalang 'yong paper bag, umalis na kaagad ako despite their many reasonings for me to stay.
Crush lang naman dapat 'to, ah? Bakit... Bakit kumikirot puso ko, bakit ako naluluha, bakit ko kino-compare yung sarili ko do'n sa babaeng kasama niya? I've had my fair share of insecurities and self-doubt; But, I've never reached 'til this point where I want to be a new person. Siguro dahil gusto kong makuha yung validation ni Vortigern? Siya lang naman kasi 'yong nagiisang lalaking 'di ako nagustuhan pabalik. Yes. Yes Hekate, 'yan na lang isipin mo. 'Wag ka na umasa pa, baka masiraan ka lang ng utak kakaisip.
Hindi na 'ko nagpaalam kay Demeter, tumambay muna ako do'n sa may sidewalk. Nakaupo lang at nagiisip ng kung ano-ano. Wala na 'kong paki if madumihan 'man ang white skirt ko. P'wede naman akong bumili ng bago o 'di kaya'y i-bleach nalang. Hindi ko na rin alam. Kinulong ko ang mukha ko sa mainit kong palad. Tawagan ko na kaya sina Helios para sunduin ako? Kaso ayokong makaabala, baka may ginagawa 'yon. Nakakahiya.
"Hekate!" a voice called out to me.
Si Trevion na mukhang hingal na hingal at parang tinakbo pa ang buong mansion ang bumungad sa'kin nang lumingon ako mula sa aking balikat. My brows knit in confusion, why is he calling me? Tinanong ko siya at hindi ito nagsalita, he just opened the gate and sat next to me. 'Di rin siya nagsalita. Weirdo ba 'to? Ba't pa siya tatabi sa'kin kung wala rin naman siyang sasabihin? Baka may problema o 'di kaya nagmumuni-muni. Hala puta ba't nakatingin na siya sa'kin—
"Sorry, nawi-weirdan ka na ba?" ngumisi siya. "Pinuntahan lang talaga kita dito, mukhang hindi ka okay nung umalis ka. Si Vortigern ba?"
Napakurap-kurap ako sa sinabi niya. "Sino 'yong babaeng kasama niya?" Gusto ko sanang itanong kung sino ang babaeng kahalikan niya kaso baka magmukha akong nagagalit na girlfriend kaya iniba ko nalang.
"Ah 'yon ba?" He looked up at the sky at mariing ipinikit ang kanyang mata. "Bakit," he peaked one eye to look down at my hopeful face. "Selos ka?"
Naginit agad ang mga mansanas sa pisngi ko, marahas akong umiling at hinampas ang balikat ng tumatawang Trevion.
"H-hindi 'no! I'm Hekate Ali, ba't ako magseselos?!"
A teasing grin still on his lips, he stood up and reached out his hand. "Oo na, sige na. Tara na? Hatid na kita pauwi?"
I must've spaced out as I stared at his hand, he just bent down and dragged me to his car. Nanatili akong nakatingin kay Trevion habang nagdra-drive siya. Mabait din pala 'to? Nakakahiya na nakita niya pa ako sa gano'ng posisyon. Hindi ko naiwasan, hindi ko napigilan ang sumunod na tanong na lumabas sa bibig ko.
"Tingin mo, magkakagusto si Vortigern sa'kin?"