The opening of my eyes should have made me happy because a new day means a new opportunity and a new beginning. A new opportunity and chance of joy and happiness. But, my thoughts were shattered when I found myself being hooked to couple of machines. One of those machines was maybe monitoring my heart beat because it was beeping steadily. I was also connected to a IV tube.
I saw my bandaged arm, mentally willing the needle to get out of my hand because it was itching me. I looked at my surrounding and there was all white from where I understood that I was in a hospital room.
I saw a nurse standing at the edge of the bed, writing something on the writing pad which was in her hand. She seemed very indulged in doing so that she didn't notice that I had woken up.
I wanted to speak but my throat was block. I wanted a glass of water to gulp because my throat was not making any movement. I was feeling that my tongue was tied inside my mouth and my muscles were swelled that's why they were unable to move or perform.
I tried to clear my throat and I was quite successful in it because it helped me in catching attention of nurse. She saw me and her eyes immediately widened. She rushed towards me and helped me in sitting but my whole body was aching.
She helped me in sitting and then gave me a glass of water to drink. As soon as I gulped the water, I started coughing. She became anxious and started rubbing my back soothingly. She gave me water to drink again and I took few gulps. I felt like a desert which got rain after a long droughty period.
I felt better after drinking water and gained balance. I was not able to get better view of my body as I was in a slight sitting-lying position. My right leg, my left arm and head were bandaged. However I didn't feel the pain.
Seeing those wounds and bandages brought back the memories of my accident night. I wanted to cry but no tears came out. I was hit with the memories of Nick trying to rape me, and then James barged in to safe me from Nick, at the end my feeble attempt to end my miseries; When I came in front of James car.
Why I'm even alive? I was certain that I was going to die. Then who saved me and why?
I was jumbled with my thoughts that I didn't realise that nurse that was standing beside me few minutes ago went out and had called doctor.
The doctor standing in front of me was of old age, maybe in his late fifties. He smiled at me which I couldn't reciprocate because I was void of emotions. I asked and death and even death didn't embrace me? I was done with humans and their conspiracies and atrocities.
He cleared his throat and checked my pulses and I didn't know what he was doing. He was maybe satisfying that I was ready for another torture or punishment that I'm going to have for the mistake I did in past.
He did his work and I didn't object. He said that I was stable and wished me a speedy recovery and left me with nurse who was getting nervous in my presence.
I tried to smile at her, to make her believe that I'm not the same top ranked and high paid model that she should respect or to feel nervous around.
"How long I've been here?" I cleared my thought and asked her. My voice was hoarse which was already indicating that I was out for a long time.
"Two weeks, ma'am." She said timidly.
I was shocked that I was out for about 15 days. Why would I be here? And why anyone wanted me to be alive?
"Who took me here?" I asked suspiciously. I was dreading the answer. I didn't want it to be mom or Nick. The latter one was causing me to puke.
"Mr. James Ashton took you here. When you came here, you were in very bad condition. You had lost a lot of blood and we were unable to arrange blood for you and at that time it was Mr. James Ashton who arranged blood for you. Your wounds were deep and you weren't gaining consciousness. We all thought that we'd lost you." She said telling me the whole rescuing story.
What?! James took care of me? He rescued and arranged blood for me as well? No way. He hated me and wanted me to suffer. Why would he take care of me, if he enjoyed torturing me so much!?
I was in my own thoughts when she interrupted my thinking session and continued telling me about James.
"Mr. Ashton was really worried about you. He threatened all of the hospital staff to save you. When your surgery was successful, he instructed everybody to take great care of me." She said and smiled at me.
She was waiting for me to respond to which I nodded my head.
"You know what, ma'am? He used to come daily to know about your treatment and recovery. He used to sit with you for about half an hour daily." She grinned like a little girl who had seen a bucket full of chocolates.
She was behaving like she's telling me stories of my crush who has suddenly grown interest in me and taking care of me. She was definitely expecting me to blush and get happy about it.
"I don't feel good. I want to rest." I said because my head was spinning after gathering all these information. Was this a new trap of my life to mentally paralyse me?
"Sure, ma'am." She said quickly and began to exit the room when I stopped her.
"You don't need to call me, ma'am. I am not superior than you neither I'm the same lady anymore." I tried to give her a genuine smile.
"But ma'am—?" She was hesitant at first but nodded when I gave her a pleasant smile.
"Sure, Ali-Alice." I smiled when she addressed me with my name. I felt much better and the aura of nervousness faded away. Living in that boring room was much better now.
"Thank you." I said to which she smiled and left.
As soon as she left, my heart started thumping against myocardium membrane. What was going on in my life? Now what kind of web it was in which I was stuck.
I shrieked in horror when I tried moving my head and it started hurting badly. I closed my eyes slowly and instantly opened them back because closing of eyes was making me hit the cold, harsh and horrid memories that my life has given me. There isn't a single thing which I can remember to make me feel good except for those of my dad's.
But I was hit with reality that Kevin was not my father. I was born out of rape and this thought was enough for me to question my existence.
I couldn't cry because my eyes were deprived of tears like my heart was of love.
How ironic is when we were children, sleeping looked we are entering into dream world and not it seemed like an escape. Escape from the reality.
We all are humans and we all deserve to be loved. Some people can't believe in themselves, until someone else believes in them first. And that some people I know in my life is Me.
I really don't know what a happy ending is in life. All I have learnt in my life is that life isn't about endings. It series of moments and those moments are for us to live in it.
We spent our whole life capturing the moments and in those moments we lose the charms of enjoying it. I didn't know what my life has for me but I knew this that if I'm alive then God wants something from me.
I closed my eyes and slowly started drifting into sleep entering the world which was my escape.
One thing I knew that my whole life I lived with fear of known and and fear of unknown, however now I wanted to challenge my fears.
I remembered my father's words which were lantern for me in the alley full of dark.
"When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump. Otherwise, you end up staying in the same place your whole life."
Aleeza❤️