He was just done washing the dishes when the phone rang.
"Hello?" Akira greeted the caller.
"Are you at home?" Takumi asked.
Akira heard solemnness and gravity.
"No. At my grandmother's for the weekend," he replied.
A momentary silence.
"I'll come over. What's the address?"
"Takumi-" Akira began.
"I need to talk to you," Takumi said quickly. An intake of breath and he added, "It's about your parents."
"My parents." Akira felt his chest sank, as if water had filled his lungs.
"How much do you know?" he questioned flatly.
"Everything," Takumi admitted. He sounded guilty. "The head of my agency had you looked into. I'm sorry."
It was not unexpected. He should feel angry at his privacy being invaded. Then he discovered in this moment that after all these years, anger had given way to deadness.
This was bound to come one day.
There was no point avoiding it.
"I'll send you the address."
He hung up and stood by the sink for a while. There were fragments of emotions which scratched him. A sense of foreboding and resignation. An odd anticipation of what the confrontation would be like.
He never had to discuss his past with anyone. It stayed safely locked in the corners of his mind, stark and never forgotten. But never surfacing except during the occasional random nights either.
"Are you done? Come have some cake," a boisterous voice called out from the living room.
He pulled himself together. "Coming."
The old lady sitting on the sofa had a handsome face, stern expression and twinkle in her eyes. She wore classic lines and colorful jewelry. She let her hair gone white but cropped it in a pixie cut.
His grandmother had always been a contradiction.
Akira sat down and started on his slice.
"Good, no?" she asked.
"Very," he agreed. "Did you bake it?"
"Are you trying to be funny?" she inquired sweetly, since they both knew that despite her many talents, she was no domestic goddess.
"A poor attempt," he conceded.
She huffed. "It's from a new bakery around the corner."
They enjoyed the dessert in silence. Although the call and the imminent weighed on Akira's mind.
"A friend from college is visiting today, if that's okay," he began hesitantly.
His grandmother gave him a surprised look. "So suddenly? Must be in trouble."
"Trouble?"
"It's a long drive just to visit," she deduced. "Is he staying over?"
"I'm not sure," he admitted. "He didn't say."
If she found the situation strange or unsettling, she didn't let it show. Instead she commented, "You know, you've never had anyone over. Not even throughout high school."
It hadn't occurred to Akira. He was always being invited to other people's places but realized that he never extended an invitation in return.
"Well, I look forward to meeting this young man," she announced.
"Thank you," he said.
She studied him. "It's bothering you."
Akira didn't want to lie but he didn't want to tell her the whole story either. Not when he wasn't sure how it would pan out. "It's nothing you should worry about. I'm not in trouble or anything like that."
Laughter bubbled from the old lady. "I'm not worried. You're so sensible that you make me seem irresponsible sometimes."
She took him in when no one else would, worked the hours as a teacher and still found time to give him a home.
"You're hardly irresponsible," Akira told her fondly.
She brushed away the comment. Then those eyes, sharp and kind, looked at him directly. "Tell me if it becomes too much of a bother. I'll chase him out myself. Otherwise I trust you to handle it."
He gave her a slight, grateful smile. "I will."
Satisfied, his grandmother went back to her plate. "Good. Now, finish the cake."
xxxxxxxx
The drive took close to three hours with traffic. It gave Takumi some time to think on the road.
He was being insensitive, brash and unreasonable. After they hung up, he showered, changed, took his car keys and before he knew it, he was close to the destination.
It was a wonder that Akira didn't slam the phone down on him.
It wasn't that he had anything specific to ask. At the same time, he wanted to talk about everything with Akira.
He wanted Akira to know that he knew. He wanted the him to understand that Takumi would not turn away even with the knowledge. Takumi wanted to understand, if he possibly could, how Akira could be so well-adjusted after everything that he had gone through.
It was as if there was a magical light and he was a moth drawn hopelessly to the flame.
"You're so fucked up," Takumi muttered to himself as he took a turn off the highway and into the city.
The address directed him to a residential area littered with quiet streets and small stores. No extravagant houses or cars. He saw old folks with their grocery trolleys. School kids in uniforms walking home. Utterly inconspicuous and normal.
It took him a few wrong turns before he found the right street. Takumi eyed each house number and when he finally found the right one, he pulled the car over to the side. He might get a parking ticket but he didn't care.
He got out of the car and looked up at the small but respectable looking house. Painted in light ocher with windows framed in dark brown.
Now that he was here, courage started to desert him. Takumi was still working up the nerve to walk to the front door when it opened.
He stared.
Akira stood there. Calm and impassive.
"Come in. You can leave the car there."
Takumi swallowed and marched on.
Once he removed his shoes, Akira led him into a compact living room. He gestured to a light grey couch, age-worn but well-maintained.
Takumi sat down nervously.
"Something to drink?"
"No, thanks." Takumi wasn't sure how long he would have before he got kicked out anyway. "Is your grandmother at home?"
"She left to visit a friend," Akira replied and sat across him. "She wanted to give us space."
It was very understanding of her. It also meant that Takumi had to initiate a conversation now and he was struggling.
Akira saved him from any need for further politeness and small talk. "Well, how much do you know?"
Takumi was startled by the directness. A shade of regret slipped into his mind. Should he have pretended that he didn't know?
A quick glance at Akira confirmed his view that feigned ignorance would not do. Akira's eyes were guarded but there was a clarity in them.
"I have the newspapers clippings and police reports," he answered.
"Police reports," Akira repeated and looked away for a moment. "For both of them?"
"Y-yes." Takumi still couldn't discern any signs of distress, anger or anything at all.
Akira just stayed silent for a while.
When he spoke, it was too quiet. Takumi would almost rather that he displayed a burst of frustration or fury.
"I'll tell you what is not in the reports. My father was a consultant. He traveled a lot and when he was home, he demanded silence and perfection. My mother tried her best to live up to his expectations. Not a thing out of place. No unwanted noise from either of us unless he was in a good mood."
Takumi listened with rapt attention and a tinge of disbelief at how stoic Akira was.
"One day, he was stabbed by a jealous boyfriend of his mistress. I don't know much about her. I suppose that we weren't good enough for him," Akira added sardonically.
That snapped Takumi out of it with anger. "Akira-"
Akira continued evenly, as if reciting an old story.
"My mother lost something of herself that day. I remember her being a walking corpse at the funeral, even among those who paid respects. Perhaps she couldn't bear the shame. Or she wouldn't accept that he left us in that manner. In any case…there is no other way to put this..she went mad."
It was unnerving to hear someone describe his parents so mechanically. But Takumi wasn't fooled. There was a shade of pain in Takumi's face. It was in the grimness of his mouth, the bleakness in his eyes.
"After the funeral, she kept telling me to be quiet. She said that father wouldn't come home because we were causing too much commotion. It went on for a couple of months. Then it became worse. She lost it when the plates clattered on the table, when the birds were chirping outside, when I closed the door too loudly."
"I…simply stopped talking. If I didn't make a sound, she wouldn't hit me. She wouldn't be upset. Then one day, she just told me to go to my room and stay there."
Takumi already knew the ending. He thought that he might be sick. "Oh, shit..don't tell me…"
Akira nodded and the first sign of tremor crept into his voice. "W-when I came out the next morning, I found her body hanging in the kitchen."
Takumi was at a loss for words. Horror and all sort of fucked up feelings consumed him. Then he couldn't stop himself. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't make you remember all of that. You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry, Akira."
"No need to apologize. You didn't cause any of that," Akira told him with a sad smile, if one could call it that.
Takumi didn't know what came over him. He got over and sat next to Akira. Before the other man could react, he pulled him roughly into an awkward hug.
He was actually touching someone.
It felt alien and awful. It was right and good.
Akira was still and then slowly, his arms went around Takumi's back.
"Sorry. I'm not good at comforting people," Takumi mumbled.
"You're doing pretty well," Akira remarked.
"Idiot." Takumi couldn't help breaking into a bleak, small smile.
Akira might have said more but the door opened and someone stepped into the house. They jumped apart and stood up hastily.
"Akira, is that your friend's car outside?" a booming feminine voice asked.
"Yes!" Akira called out.
A stern looking old woman appeared in the living room, carrying a basket of groceries. Her smile had a touch of wry humor. "It must be my lucky day. To find two handsome young men in my humble home."
Takumi bowed immediately. He struggled to find a proper way to address her.
"This is my grandmother," Akira began.
"You can call me grandma too, young man," she offered graciously.
"T-thank you for having me over," Takumi sputtered. "Grandma."
"You look familiar," she remarked.
"Ah.."
"He's a model. You probably saw him on TV," Akira explained. "Matsumoto Takumi."
A pause and recognition registered on her face. She laughed. "You're quite popular, aren't you? Well, what are you doing visiting my boring grandson?"
Akira sighed. Takumi was too overwhelmed to respond.
The old lady took advantage of that and went on. "You can tell me over dinner."
Takumi looked at Akira quickly to gauge his reaction.
His friend asked, "It's late. Do you want to stay over too?"
Takumi saw the apprehension in Akira's expression. As if he was searching if Takumi would run away after all that he had learned.
He could pull Akira into a hug right now and never let go.
Takumi replied gratefully, "Yes."