Takumi was in disarray.
A strange warmth enveloped him, together with the awkward and fuzzy sensation meshed inside his head.
From the precious secret he was entrusted with. From the clothes he borrowed from Akira.
He put on an act that he was not in the least affected as they sat on the veranda facing a small back garden after dinner and showers.
"Your grandmother is a force of nature," he commented. "That's a compliment, by the way."
"She is," Akira agreed with a faint smile. "I'll tell her that."
"Don't get me kicked out of the house," Takumi warned.
"She'll be pleased. I suspect she's never been anything but fearsome. Here."
Takumi took the can of beer. "Thanks."
"She raised you?" he asked.
"She saved me," Akira replied. "After my parents died, she basically told everyone else to fuck off and took me back here. No one else knew what to do with me."
"You mean..?" Takumi tread carefully.
Akira nodded. "I was a mess when grandmother found me."
Takumi couldn't imagine Akira and mess in the same sentence. His face must have shown it because Akira shook his head.
"It's true. I didn't utter a word for about half a year. She made sure that I went to therapy, talked to me as if I was responding to her...and told me that she would never give up on me."
It was proof of love and devotion which Takumi didn't comprehend. Certainly anything he said would be an underwhelming and probably inappropriate response.
So he asked, "Today…why did you tell me everything? I'm-I'm grateful that you did, but…you seem so private and all."
Akira was silent for a moment before replying, "It felt good, finally being honest with someone."
He added with a grateful glance, "And you're still here."
"Of course I would be!" Takumi exclaimed. "We're friends, right?"
"Right," Akira agreed and that single word caused somersaults in Takumi's stomach.
He said earnestly, "I won't breathe a word of it to anyone."
"I know."
They both sat in comfortable silence while finishing their beers.
Then Akira's next words wrung his heart or whatever was left of it.
"Takumi, I want you to know that things can get better."
Takumi felt a stab to his chest. He looked away. "You mean you can tell that there's something wrong with me."
Akira didn't mince his words. "Nothing wrong. Just something that is bothering you."
"Is it that obvious?" Takumi asked weakly.
"No. And I won't tell anyone," Akira promised.
Takumi averted his gaze to the garden. It was probably in his head but it felt strangely intimate. Them sitting here together, looking out at nothing in particular.
Here was an amazing person he chanced upon. Someone who had been through hell and pulled through with everything intact and more. Someone good, kind and steadfast.
Out of his reach. But Takumi would do anything to keep him in his orbit.
"One day, I want you to know everything," he whispered.
Akira glanced at him and simply said, "When you want to."
Takumi nodded. They exchanged a smile. A silent understanding.
xxxxxxxx
Akira was surprised by Takumi's acceptance of his past. There was no judgment or recoil. Neither was there the awkward pity which crushed him so many years ago.
Perhaps it was because there was something which encircled Takumi as well. Something which haunted him and was kept tightly locked.
He would never push Takumi to share because that would be unfair. He could only swear inwardly that he would be as generous and kind if the time came.
That night, as Takumi slept in the spare bedroom next to his, partitioned by a thin wall, it was quiet. He didn't make any restless sounds. In fact he woke up looking amazingly fresh.
They left his grandmother's the next day after lunch.
"Thank you for eating my food," she told Takumi knowingly when she saw them off at the door.
Akira kept a straight face as Takumi struggled, recalling the overcooked and under-seasoned noodles. "Uh, not at all. The meals were great."
She laughed. "Even my own grandson wouldn't say that. But thank you for lying to make me feel better."
Red crept into Takumi's cheeks.
Akira stepped in to save the poor man. "Stop teasing him."
His grandmother shrugged. "It may be my only chance to tease a celebrity."
"I'll come again next time," Takumi offered.
That somehow caused a melting warmth inside Akira. He turned to sarcasm to erase the discomfort.
"There you go, grandma. Another chance to impress him."
The old lady was not to be outdone. "Next time, it will be burnt rice. I am sure I can manage."
Before the two of them could retort, she pushed them out of the door. "Go on. I'm having people over for tea."
Akira chuckled and gave her a quick hug. Takumi grinned and bowed.
"I'm driving," Akira announced when they approached the car.
Takumi just tossed him the keys.
They gave his grandmother a final wave before driving away.
A companionable silence settled between them. Takumi appeared fixated on the inconspicuous neighborhoods, stores and hypermarkets they passed by.
Only when they exited to the highway did he speak.
"Do you still keep in touch with friends from here?"
"Some of them."
"Your best friend still here?"
Akira considered the question. He wouldn't say that he had a best friend in a way which most people would. Certainly no one he had confided in as much as Takumi.
He almost laughed at the odd circumstance they were in.
"My closest friend is in our university. Segihara. He's in the archery club too."
"Wow. That's a coincidence. You guys had a pact or something?" Takumi teased.
"No. It just happened," Akira replied.
Takumi shrugged. "I don't have a best friend. Well, I know this guy growing up so he's probably the closest. But we would never call each other THAT."
Akira was abysmally curious about this person but he couldn't bring himself to probe.
Takumi was happy to supply the information freely. "He's is the most arrogant ass you'd ever come across. I think his greatest love is himself."
That brought a smile to Akira's lips.
"Hey, want to be mine?" Takumi asked wistfully. "My best friend, I mean."
It was good that the roads were relatively clear because Takumi's question almost caused him to slam the breaks.
A simple question. Almost childish. As if they were two kids in a playground.
Honest. Complicated. Real.
Takumi kept his face firmly fixed on the window so Akira couldn't see his expression.
He took a breath and exhaled.
"You know more about me than anyone else," he told Takumi steadily. "I suppose I should audition for the role."
Takumi might have turned around to face him. Akira wouldn't know for sure because he kept his eyes stubbornly on the road. Except that there was the prickly sensation that someone was watching him intently.
"We'll sign a contract if you pass," Takumi said, not quite as steady but bubbled with disbelief and something else which escaped Akira.
"I'll negotiate," he said lightly.
"I'm a veteran at negotiations. Bring it on."
He glanced at Takumi quickly, who looked away sharply. Akira caught it though.
A slight blush. A small and private smile.
He brought his sight back to the road again. A smile on his own lips as well.