He should be nervous or uneasy. Between undergraduate finals, starting graduate school and the upcoming bar exams, it was enough to turn any student into a wreck.
Akira only felt a slight numbness which came with the routine of studying, sitting for exams and continuing with his part-time job. He went to the archery range when he needed a quiet moment. He went for a run when he needed fresh air.
He passed the finals and chose not to celebrate graduation because there was a next step. His grandmother did attend the ceremony and was grudgingly proud. Segihara and Inaba just thought that he was crazy.
He passed the preliminary bar exams. Again, no celebration although that bode well because if he could pass the final bar exams, it meant not having to complete an expensive graduate school course.
Finally, the last paper in the upcoming bar exams awaited him.
It was almost mechanical. Not that he would admit it to his course mates.
The only person who seemed to understand was Takumi. He didn't question Akira's grim approach.
He just simply…did things for him.
Takumi picked him up and dropped him off at every exam. He ignored any objections by Akira doggedly. His only concession was to drive a mini cooper instead of his sports car.
He dragged him to the gym when it was apparent that Akira hadn't seen the world outside the four corners of his walls in days. It appeared that the receptionists at the gym would let any of his friends enter without membership so long as Takumi flashed her a smile.
It also translated into moments like these, when the doorbell rang and Akira opened it knowing who it was.
"Here." Takumi shoved a paper bag into his hands.
"Thanks." Akira knew by now that any protest fell on deaf ears.
"I had dinner with my course mates at this café. It's quite good," Takumi explained and stepped into the flat.
Akira took out the takeaway box from the bag while Takumi poked around his kitchenette and bathroom.
"You're freakishly neat for someone who's so busy!"
"Is that a compliment?" Akira asked as he dug into the curry rice and vegetables.
Takumi went over to his bed and sat on it unceremoniously. "Maybe. By the way, the cake's some orange chocolate combination."
Akira's stomach rejoiced at the sight of the sugary offering. He murmured, "You know me well."
Takumi grinned. "Who would've thought that you have such a sweet tooth?"
"It's a weakness," Akira acknowledged.
Takumi laughed and looked at the piles of books and papers. "You ready?"
Akira nodded. Not out of overconfidence or arrogance. He just couldn't think of anything else that he didn't prepare for.
"I'll pick you up next week," Takumi told him. "It's the last one right?"
"Yeah," Akira replied.
"I'm going to assume that you'll ace it."
"Thanks for the confidence."
"Can we get smashed after you get your results?" Takumi asked with a mischievous quirk of a lip.
"Whatever you want," Akira said honestly. It was the least he could do after all that Takumi had done for him throughout this period.
"It's your freedom," Takumi reminded him with a laugh.
"You've contributed to it," Akira told him seriously.
"I just don't want to suffer your moodiness if you fail any papers," Takumi said airily although there was a slight sheen of pink to his cheeks.
"Point noted," Akira murmured. "In any case, let's spend some time together. I know that I've been ignoring you."
He meant what he said, even if it was atypical between friends. Akira wondered if he was being uncharacteristically sentimental.
Takumi gave him an indecipherable look. "Anything I want?"
Akira nodded.
A stunning smile. "Oh, I'm going to have fun."
xxxxxxxxx
Akira was immobile on the floor, which provided Takumi with a rare opportunity to look at him all he wanted.
The evening was fun. They had a couple of drinks at the basement bar and went back to Takumi's place for more alcohol.
It has been a while since Akira was so relaxed. He was even chattier than usual. Or that he was humoring Takumi. Either way, they only talked about stupid things.
There was that strange flutter in his stomach – humming along incessantly.
There was also the tightening in his chest – not constricting but wonderfully warm.
Takumi didn't know how long he sat next to Akira and just stared at him.
He looked tired but there was strength in his features still. He was the type of man who would be unbearably unyielding if one didn't know about the compassion underlying within.
Takumi took out his phone and impulsively snapped a photo. He shouldn't but it was for him only. With Akira, there might never be another opportunity.
That jawline, usually so set and determined, softened in his sleep. There were two moles under his left jaw which Takumi hadn't noticed before. At first, he thought they were cute but then they also drew his eyes down that exposed neck.
Akira was devastating. Takumi was devastated.
He wondered how it would be like to kiss Akira?
Would it feel as good as he wanted it to be?
It wouldn't be a touch which would hurt him.
He never thought about it before. Or that he did but he merely clamped it down each time it surfaced in his mind.
In this moment, Takumi was overwhelmed by how much he wanted to try. Like an idiot who didn't know better.
He bent down carefully, aware of the consequences if Akira woke up. He would take his chances. It was possibly the only time that Takumi was the sober one.
He placed a hand on Akira's chest, careful not to press.
The moment their lips met, Takumi wanted to sigh.
Akira didn't move and his lips were chafed. But it felt so good.
Takumi lifted his mouth to check that he was still passed out.
"I'm crazy," Takumi whispered to no one in particular.
Then he kissed Akira again. Harder this time.
Before he knew it, there was a hand cupping the back of his head.
Takumi panicked and tried to pull away but Akira held him down.
And he kissed Takumi back.
And Takumi didn't care about anything.
He opened his mouth for Akira to explore. His hands trembled.
God, he didn't know it would feel this way. Hadn't known this was what he wanted all along.
This was what a kiss ought to be. When he didn't want it to end. When he wanted to smile and weep at the same time. His heart, perpetually still, slammed against every fiber of his being.
Just as passionate and fiery as it was, Akira groaned and released him. The body beneath him slackened.
Takumi stilled and sat up.
Akira was still passed out.
"Idiot," Takumi whispered tightly as tears pricked the corners of his eyes.
Akira would probably not remember a single thing. A reaction in his alcohol induced slumber.
Takumi was, however, doomed.