Kabanata 28
Sorry
My mind right now is full of unsaid thoughts. I can't even compose any single word to say. I'm stock in the scene in front of me. Alec and Amya is kissing. Di ako ng mga ito nakita dahil nasa kabilang side ako ng restaurant kung saan ako nagpasyang kumain kanina.
I want to shout in so much pain, but my heart seems so numb even just to do it. Why does it have to be this painful? It's not easy to love someone, who love someone else's right now. Ang gulo. The other day I saw him with another woman. And today, he's with Amya. Is he playing around? Catching the same flight with different plane? Is that it?
I see, he's better without me.
Mapait ang ngiting gumuhit sa labi ko. At least, I know that he's fine. Pag-aalo ko ulit sa sarili ko.
I am alone and awake, wishing that I'm still asleep and dreaming so we can be together fine. But how do I act like that? If I'm right here, standing, meters away from you, watching you while kissing someone else?
It's really hard to accept that Alec is happy without me. He promised me. I believed in it, but on the other hand, I know that promises is another term of lies.
Why would I believed in it anyway?
Di ko na tinapos ang pagkain at nagpasyang umalis nalang. I can't stand watching them so sweet like nothing's terrible happened last four months. Yes, Maisha, last four months. That means, matagal na 'yong sinabi niyang mahal ka niya. It ended already.
Nagmamadaling lumabas ako sa restaurant nang bigla akong mahilo. Buti nalang at nakahawak agad ako sa glass wall ng restau. Halos mandilim na ang paningin ko kaya napapikit pa ako ng mariin.
"Are you okay, Ma'am?" Slowly, the guard in restau held my forearm and guided me to the nearest available chair.
"I-I'm fine... thank you."
Akmang tatayo na ako ulit nang umikot muli ang paningin ko. Bago ako tuluyang natumba ay agad na akong nahawakan ng guard 'saka na ako tuluyang nawalan ng malay.
Nagising ako sa isang pamilyar na amoy. A smell of alcohol and medicine. I slowly open my eyes and seeing the white ceiling and white painted wall, I'm obviously in the hospital right now.
"She just need a total bed rest, Captain. She's stress, so she need to rest and take her vitamins."
Mahinang usapan ng kung sinoman ang nasa loob ng kwarto kung saan ako nakahiga ngayon. Unti-unti akong umahon sa kama to check who was there, pero isang kamay ang agad na pumigil sa akin.
"Move slowly."
Kunot-noo akong bumaling sa humawak sa akin. And I'm not mistaken. Alec is looking at me intently, without any shock traces on his eyes. Confused of what happened, I furrowed my forehead to Alec.
He isn't surprise on my presence huh.
"How's your feeling?" Alec sounds so caring, but I know he isn't.
"What are you doing here?" Instead, I asked back. Masama ang loob ko dito.
"I'm here to take care of you."
Isang malalim na buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ko matapos marinig ang sagot ni Alec. Hindi nagustuhan ang sagot nito.
"Where's my doctor? I want to talk to her." Pag-iiba ko sa usapan. I need to get out now.
"Please, Maisha. Magpahinga ka muna," malumanay na saad ni Alec sa akin at hinawakan pa ako nito sa braso para igiya na mahiga ulit. But I refused Alec's hand.
"I want to talk to my doctor. I don't need to take a rest. Everything is fine," matigas kong saad.
Alec clenched his jaw, as if he is out of patience now.
"I'll call her later. Just take a rest," pag-aalo ulit nito sa akin pero umiling agad ako.
I need to get out now. Ayaw kong humaba pa ang oras ko dito at kasama siya. He can leave me alone. I won't mind it anyway.
"I don't need to take a rest, okay! Just call the doctor so I can get out of this---."
"I said you can talk to her later!" Gulat akong nakatingin at napa-awang ang labi dahil sa biglaang pagtaas ng boses ni Alec sa akin. I didn't expect him to raise his voice to me!
"I-I'm sorry... please. Just take a rest and we'll talk the doctor later," he lowered his voice and looked at me.
Alec cover his hands on his face in so much frustration. I shut my mouth, what he said does not register on my mind. I was still in shock because of his sudden burst.
Biglang bumigat ang pakiramdam ko. I suddenly in pain just because he raised his voice to me, bagay na never niyang ginawa sa akin dati. Dati.
I laid back in my hospital bed, silently. Even if I heard Alec's heaved sigh, I didn't bother myself to look at his direction. I am kind of disappointed. Di ko matanggap na tinaasan niya ako ng boses dahil lang sa pagpupumilit kong maka-usap ang doctor na nakatuka sa akin.
"Maisha..." sabay buntong-hininga nito. I didn't look at him. Masama Ang loob ko.
"Please, Baby. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice to you."
Patuloy sa pagsasalita si Alec pero hindi ako umimik. I'm just laying down, feeling so hurt silently. The corner of my eyes watered but I tried so hard not to cry. Not now. Not in front of him. I am not weak!
Naiiyak ako dahil dinamdam ko 'yon hanggang sa nakatulugan ko nalang ang sama ng loob ko kay Alec.
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