Kabanata 29
Choices
Nagising ako dahil sa nasusuka ako. I hurriedly ran towards the comfort room of the hospital to vomit even if it feels like hell to get up. Hirap na hirap akong sumuka at tubig lang naman ang lumalabas. Hilong-hilo rin ako kaya napapapikit ako habang sumusuka dahil parang umiikot ang paligid ko.
Hapong-hapo akong umupo sa hospital bed nang pumasok ang isang doctor, na sa tingin ko ay ang nag-aasikaso sa akin.
"Good morning, Mrs. Lazer. How's your feeling?" nakatangang tiningnan ko ang doctor dahil sa tinawag nito sa akin. Mrs. what? Napagkamalan pa akong asawa ni Alec!
"I-I'm not feeling well, Doc. What happened to me?" nanghihinang tanong ko sa doctor. A small smile crepted on the doctor's lips.
"Congratulations, Mrs. Lazer. Haven't your husband, Captain Lazer, told you that you are three months pregnant? What you have experiencing right now is just normal. You're having a morning sickness and cravings. All of it is normal to a pregnant woman..." Nakangiti ito nang malapad sa akin habang sinasabi ang mga bagay na hindi ko lubos mapaniwalaan. Hindi ko man lang magawang ngumiti dahil sa narinig.
"Anyway, I'll give you these meds and vitamins for your pregnancy. Don't forget to take a rest, and don't stress yourself, Ma'am. I'll go ahead. I have more a patients to attend too."
The doctor smiled at me again widely, but my mind was still processing about what she said. I'm what? Three months pregnant? And Alec did not even correct the doctor on the way she addressed me!
Hanggang sa nakabalik si Alec, nanataling nakatulala ako habang nakahawak ang kamay ko sa aking tiyan. How could this happened in the situation like this? How could I be a good mother to my baby, if he/she doesn't have a complete family? I can't give her the family he/she deserve. He/she deserve more than anything in this world. Not like this.
"What happened?" natataranta na tanong ni Alec sa akin but I remained silent.
Kusang tumulo ang mga luha sa mata ko dahil sa mga tanong sa isip ko. Nasasaktan ako sa isipang 'di kompleto ang magiging pamilya ng anak ko. I have a complete and happy family. Maybe, I can give all the love to him/her. Even if he/she doesn't have a father in his/her side, always. I can shower him/her the love that I have.
"Baby, what's wrong?" mahinahon na tanong ulit ni Alec sa akin, dahilan nang pagbaling ko rito.
I wiped off my tears and blew a loud breathe. Alec knelt in front of me and tried to hold me but I looked away.
"Baby---"
"Please get me some food." Cutting Alec words and then I sat properly in the bed.
Napabuntong-hininga si Alec bago tumayo at nagtungo sa mesa na nasa kwarto ko. May hinanda itong pagkain para sa akin, at sa amoy palang nito ay alam kong masarap. I salivate by just imagining it.
Alec put the food in the small bed table, na agad kong sinunggaban. Tahimik lang na nakatingin si Alec sa akin habang ang sarap nang kain ko. Paubos na ang kinakain ko nang makaramdam kong nasusuka ako kaya dali-dali akong tumayo at patakbong tinungo ang c.r.
"Are... you okay?" si Alec habang hinahagod ang likod ko.
Hirap na hirap kong sinuka lahat nang kinain ko. Para akong kakapusin sa hininga. A lone tear fall from my eyes dahil sa pagsusuka ko. This is a starts of my hard days. This must be a toughest days I'll have.
Pagkatapos kong magmugmug at maghilamos ay inalalayan na ako ni Alec pabalik sa kama. Tahimik at walang imik.
"Magpahinga ka muna."
I laid down again in the bed at binigyan ako ni Alec ng isang slice ng apple, kaya tinanggap ko nalang ito, kahit feeling ko ay isusuka ko lang din naman 'yon.
I want to confront Alec, but I don't know where to start. Pero may parte rin sa akin na ayaw ko na itong kausapin pa tungkol doon. He's getting married. Dalawang linggo nalang at kasal na ni Alec. We should not middle what's with Amya and Alec have. My baby will never be a reason for all the possible problems to happen.
Mas pipiliin ko pang lumaki ng walang ama ang anak ko, kesa buo nga kami, but we're not the first option he'll going to choose. In the first place, I'm not even in the choices, so he doesn't have to choose.
We're not in the choices, nor in options kaya bakit siya pipili.
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