Kabanata 30
Broken
I was walking in the seashore alone, while the morning wind blew my hair. I excitedly walk towards the teenagers who's having fun while playing something in the shore. I stood meters away from them and a small smile crept on my lips as I saw the little man walking towards me along the water.
"Good morning, handsome, how are you?" nakangiti kong baling sa anak ko.
"I'm always good, Captain." The small hands of my son held me to sit down kaya sumunod ako rito. We're in El Nido, Palawan now together with my family.
It's been four years since I left Canada and chose to go home alone. I chose to let go the man who isn't meant for us.
"Ara! Come on, your dad is here," tawag ni Mommy habang kumakaway sa gawi namin.
"Handsome, come on!" tawag ko rin sa anak ko kaya malapad ang ngiti nitong tumayo at hinatak ako.
"Let's go, Captain Mommy, I'm excited to see Daddylo!" pagmamadali ni Aztiel sa akin kaya tumayo na rin ako at naglakad kasunod nito.
Azariah Castiel is in his third birthday today. I planned to have a grand birthday for him, but Aztiel said he just wanted to have a vacation. He don't want to celebrate his birthday with anyone, but with our family only. Just like the past years.
Naalala ko pa kung paano ako tinanong at iniyakan ni Mommy noong umuwi ako. It pained me.
"What took you so long to come back, hija!" umiiyak na saad ni Mommy, habang mahigpit ang yakap nito sa akin. I cried as my mom hugged me tightly.
"We miss you so much," naluluhang saad ni Daddy.
My brother, Davin even rushed to go home when our father called him that I came back. Kasalukuyan pala itong my meeting out of the country, pero kinan-cel nito at umuwi.
My heart filled with so much happiness that I longed for the past months I'm all alone.
"I know you're alive, Ate. My instinct is right. No way in hell that you can't survive on that plane crash. As long as we don't see your body, laying in a coffin, we are sure you're alive," mahabang pahayag ni Davin sa akin. Kabaliktaran ng iniisip ko noong bumalik ako sa Canada at nabasa ang isang article tungkol doon.
"Sorry if it took so long for me to come home," mahinahon pero naiiyak kong saad at yumakap rin kay Daddy. I am a Daddy's girl, kaya sobrang saya kong mayakap ulit ang unang lalaking nagmahal at minahal ko.
"I'm so happy that you're here already, Baby," my Dad's sweet words lift up all the burden in my heart. This is all what I'm longing for. My family.
I can fight for my love and my son, but I prefer not to because I know, he's having more pain than I do. If I'll take him away from Amya, which he truly loves, it will just lead him to pain. Both of us. But I know, he'll be more in pain. And that's the least thing I wanted to do. I won't beg, nor plead. It is not my job to do so.
"Do you still have a plan on going back in aviating?" My dad's question lingered on my ears that made my forehead knot.
"Of course, but not yet, Dad. I will spend my time for Aztiel, and for us. I still want to be with our family."
"I just thought, you are not interested with it anymore ngayong nandito na si Aztiel. Siya ang dapat mo nang pinagtutuonan nang pansin." My Dad shrugged.
Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always longed to return.
I've been falling in love with aviation, nothing can get it from my veins. Not even the counts of crashed. Not even the pain I've been through. Not the pain I've experienced, and will experience.
I am afraid of rejection. Ayaw kong e-reject ni Alec ang anak ko, and choose Amya over us. Kaya ayaw ko nalang subukan. It's enough for me to feel the pain, but not my son. No. Not my baby. I can't imagine him crying, it will surely break me into pieces.
"Are you okay, Ara?" my Mom snapped me from my thoughts. A sad smile is on her lips just like mine.
"Mom, Aztiel is getting older."
Mahinang saad ko kay Mommy habang nakatanaw sa anak ko na naglalaro kasama si Daddy at Davin.
"And soon, he'll ask me if where is his father. Why he didn't show up to us. I'm afraid Mom," pag-amin ko. Walang saysay kung ililihim ko ito kay Mommy. She knows me so much.
"I know my grandson will understand, anak. He is so smart. At his age now, surely he has a capable of asking you, but he didn't. Because I know, he understand the situation you have. Alam ko, kahit 'di mo sabihin sa kanya, naiintindihan niya 'yon."
A comforting words from my mom breaks my heart. My son tries to understand me. At his young age, never ako nitong tinanong tungkol sa ama nito. And it hurts to know that he tried to understand me, our situation. Masakit, dahil kailangan niyang pagdaanan 'yon. He's too young to get hurt like this.
Seeing my son happy makes me happy. But seeing him staring at the kids playing with their father breaks me. My heart always cry for it.
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