Kabanata 32
Heartless
I was damn stupid for letting Alec brought me back to my condo! Never did this thing crossed in my mind that this will happen. I have so much control to myself. But not until Alec laid his hand on me. My mind and body was out of my control already. I know. I really know where would this sensation takes me, but I just let him. I gladly let him take me.
"Ahh..." A soft moan escaped in my lips as Alec's lips' landed on my soft mound.
Nawawala na ako sa sarili at 'di na kayang patinuin pa ang isipan dahil sa ginagawa ni Alec sa akin.
"I miss you." Alec whispered as his kisses travel down to my navel. Tanging ungol lang ang naging sagot ko.
This is so wrong, but felt so right at the same time.
Malanding halinghing ang pumuno sa silid ko nang magsimula ng gumalaw si Alec sa ibabaw ko. Pounding so slow at first, but it becomes faster and harder as our sweats run down to our naked body.
Alec grunts as he pounded me so hard. It feels so good, to the point that I really let myself eaten by the pleasure filling through our senses. Uhaw sa nararamdaman. I let Alec filled me, with a heartbeat.
Pagod ang katawan ko habang nakahiga sa kama. Nakapikit pero hindi naman ako tulog. Alec go to my bathroom and clean his self after he cleaned me. Ilang sandali pa ay naramdaman ko na ang mga matitigas na braso nitong nakapulupot sa beywang ko. 'Di ako gumalaw, hinayaan ko lang ito sa ginawa.
I feel so safe in his arms, kabaliktaran ng aking nararamdaman. Every time my heart beats for him, I felt I'm in a dangerous trapped. A trapped that I'll gladly want.
Naramdaman kong hinalikan ako ni Alec sa buhok. Dahilan para makaramdam ako ng paninikip sa dibdib.
Why this feels so good, yet so hurt at the same time?
Aminin ko man sa sarili o hindi, pero alam na alam ko, I misses this man. I longed for a moment like this. We're supposed to be like this before the plane crash happened. That was so long ago, pero bakit nanatiling naka-ukit ang sakit? I wanted to forget all of it, but I can't, it's already part of my life. It was already carved in my heart. I am not me if it did not happened.
I moved a bit, but Alec remain hugging me. So tight, like I will disappear if he loosen his hug, hanggang sa nakatulugan ko ang ganoong sitwasyon.
"Good morning."
Alec's wide smile was the first thing I saw when I open my eyes. Hindi pa agad rumihistro ang sinabi nito sa akin. I was thinking that this was just one of my dreams, and I don't want to wake up.
"Hey," malambing na tawag sa akin ni Alec kaya bahagya akong kumurap rito. Tipid ang ngiting iginawad ko kay Alec, when it totally sink in my mind that this is true. This isn't just a dream. He's really here. In front of me, smiling.
"You want to have a breakfast in bed?" malambing pa rin ang boses nito, kaya wala sa sariling tumango lang ako.
Lumabas si Alec sa kwarto ko, pero nanatili lang akong nakaupo sa kama, na para bang namamalikmata lang. But my body says that this is true. Definitely true!
Sabay kaming kumain ng breakfast. Alec prepared all of this. Mga lutong bahay ang nakahain sa bedside table. There is a sweet and sour meat balls with selenium. May kare-kare with lactobacillus casei shirota and chicken curry na mas lalong nagpagutom sa akin. Walang-imik akong sumubo kahit nararamdaman ko na panakaw naman na tumitingin sa akin si Alec. It was indeed irritating and uncomfortable, pero 'di ko nalang ito sinaway.
"What time you'll go home? I have things to do after breakfast."
Walang pag aalinlangan kong saad dito nang patapos na kami. Alec glance at me, knotting his forehead.
"I'll go with you." As if he don't need my approval. I tilted my head and wiped my lips using the table napkin.
"I don't feel to be with you."
Diritsahang saad ko. Kabaliktaran iyon ng gusto ko. Kabaliktaran ng nararamdaman ko. In fact , I really want to be with him, always. But things are complicated. Tama na yung napagbigyan na namin ang isa't isa kagabi. Siguro naman tama na 'yon diba?
"You're telling me that you don't feel to be with me after you moan so loud under me last night?" Kunot ang noo ko at napatiim bagang dahil sa narinig. Ramdam ko ang init ng tenga ko dahil sa naalala.
What the hell!
"Shut up, Alec!" marahas na saad ko rito.
"Why you're so heartless to me?"
He smirk at me, but his eyes says otherwise. He maybe look amused by what I have said, but his eyes speaks for what he really feel.
"I didn't become heartless, I just became smarter."
A long silence was between us. Nakakailang na katahimikan, na mas gugustuhin ko pang umalis nalang, kaysa manatili doon.
"I want to be with you, Maisha. Aren't you happy that I'm here?" He sounds so hurt, dahilan para mag-iwas ako nang tingin sa kanya.
I don't think I can watch him straight into his eyes with those visible pain in there.
"My happiness will not depend on someone else... not anymore."
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