The emptiness in the air makes things so much harder.
We enter our dirty apartment, clothes laying on the floor, dishes piling in the sink, finished bottles of beer on the tables, I'm quiet while I step into my room and close the door behind me before my knees buckle from holding in so much and I fall to the floor, my back resting against the door, I bring my knees up to my chest and sob my heart out yet again.
The past few day's it seems to be all I'm doing.
I was excused from school for about 2 weeks before I had to go back again, probably since exams are coming soon. I cut myself off from everyone and everything and honestly, it doesn't help. nothing does. I don't think I've ever felt this alone before. Home has never felt so foreign to me before.
Ma's been out more often and she stopped coming home in general for the past few nights. We don't talk, it's just like a thick fog of silence in the air around us. The house seems emptier than normal and it's intoxicating.
We went to the police station yesterday.
They questioned us, asked me if I knew anyone who had anything against Adi. I was blank. Nobody hated him, sure he was annoying at times and acted out, but nobody could hate him.
I choke back another sob, my brother, the person I looked up to, the person who's been there with me my whole life, he's gone. just like that.
Are our lives really that fragile?
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It's bright and sunny, birds are chirping, the wind is blowing, yeah all that crap. It's a good day. I'm humming and grab an apple on my way out of the apartment before getting into the passenger seat of Adi's car. I turn to my right to put on my seat belt, "It's about time you got your licence, let's go" clicking it to my seat I look at him to see his pupil-less eyes staring back at me But that wasn't even the scariest part, a merciless pathway that started from his heart to his stomach and a slit across the throat that ultimately had ended at his life painted his paper-white skin and tainted his clothes, blood oozing out everywhere as he smiles at me
A scream pierces the air and I sit up gasping for breath before realising it was me. I'm shivering and I can't breathe. My heart isn't calming down and tears are freely falling down my face while I pull my hair in frustration and anger.
It hurts.
It hurts so much.