I woke up today really really looking forward to go to school , being over the moon is an understatement
The feeling of starting a fresh is the best feeling ever
Soooooo I got in the shower singing my lungs off to sha sha's song
Poor neighbours of mine
To many ladies in the world
what makes you think you the one for himmmmmmmm
I don't knowwww
he'll have to showww oooooooo-cough cough
haha abit of water joined my singing how great note my lovely sarcasm there
Yep I'm back
The queen of sarcasm
Lol
It's weird singing this song because of the mere fact that I'm single but heyy a song is a song
Eitherways I finished once again with my shower concert cat walking to my room like I'm queen B
After applying some cream on i set on my bed great I have officially become those girls that don't know what to wear and stressing over it but no problem though
wait yes there's a problem
first day at school means first impression right? Right?
Sooo I don't want to be that girl that don't care so I went for a plain blue jeans and a gray turtleneck since its the same colour as my eyes and finished my look with a statement white wig
Yes I have
gray eyes ,
eye color gray
, gray?
yes
yes
I know being black and having gray eyes is weird for me too believe meeee
Maybe that's why I was named storměigh maybeeee
You see weird but still me
I quickly made breakfast than ate like my life depends on it why?
1. Because I'm hungry duhh
2. I don't want to be late for classes obviouslyyyy
Once I was done eating and cleaning up I got my backpack with everything I need in it , but guys guys lemmi tell you something real quick my backpack could be in the next Dora the Explorers cousin's show I added Dora the Explorer because I forgot her cousin name hopefully I'm not the only one who watched it because this will be really awkward telling you all this with out you not knowing who I'm talking about
wait I remembered the person nope nope I forgot lol my mind does play me sometimes
eitherways let me go back to my point of starting this topic before my ramble
Ou jahhh my backpack could be in the next Dora the Explorer's cousin's show because I have everything in it and I mean everything from food to extra shoes and clothes don't ask me why but I just have to be sure
After me rambling to you about my stupid backpack I took my keys and went to school
I'm sorry I ramble alot
Entering the school yard I stopped with my mouth wide open
Is this a university or castle?
But I wouldn't know though
It's my first time buttt
Dudeee being 5 foot did not help at alllll , getting closer to my university I looked up
Dannnng the view
Do ya'll remember when I said I'm a big sucker for views well ladies and gentlemen my school is actually the president of views
If you had tiktok you'll get my lame joke and maybe even laugh come on I'm not all boring
Looking at the view again I smiled 4year here I said to myself
With that I entered the building
After giving my information to the receptionist I got to my class than I felt something I've felt back home
the feeling I wanted to leave back there
but I guess it decided to follow me here
great
They staring at me
They judging again
I can feel it as I entered the room
Eyes burning me in front and back
Whisper
More like loud noises
Come on at least gossip when I'm out of site
I hear them loud and clear though
Thought I was over exaggerated but what I heard
Who's that a girl asked
What's that another girl asked
I bet she burned as a child, no one can be that black, can they? One guy asked
No they can't another guy answers
I heard she's African one person said
Duhh look at her a guy said with distaste in his voice
What's up with her hair though
I bet she got it from the trash just look at her a girl said
OK couldn't they at least have the decency to gossip when I'm not around
So i did something i thought I'll never do here
I confronted the people gossiping than angrily snapped at them shut the **** up who do you think you are huh who
They looked scared but I didn't care
So I glared at them with my eyes challenging them to say something , one thing I love about my eyes is that they can actually look scary since they gray and all but i decided to back away and went to my table before I actually hurt them because I was so mad
But why
Why was I mad
I should be used to this by now
Than i saw everyone and I mean everyone was shocked ,eyes wide and mouths too even the gossip about me stopped
The class was quiet
I could literally drop a pin and hear it
that's how quiet it was
Well great work there storměigh, you officially won't make friends here too
The lecture enter the quiet class , ahhhhhhhh common now ya'll being extra
Even the lecture commented on their unusual behaviour and than later on said
Well class with a nervous eye at me we have a new student uhm May you please stand up and introduce yourself please
That please sounded more like please don't kill me
I rolled my eyes
Here we go again
I stared behind just to make sure his not talking to me because it cannot be me I mean we all new here but with the stares I got
i knew he was talking about me
Figured
I sigh old me step 1 fake smile
Standing up I started
Well
My name is storměigh Mavè Pattěn-Baćh from Namibia
which is based in Africa,
I'm herero Himba
and I am currently majoring in education
Thank you
Ah the stares
The staresssss
Than the lesson started
After the class was over I placed my assignment in my backpack
Yes I know first day first assignment
Sh*t got real
Packing everything I took my bag than left with the stares still burning me all over
OK I get it I'm black
Get over it
But what I noticed was after i introduced myself no one else introduced themselves weird huh
So i guess some people here are the same as the one's back home
I guess everywhere in the world would be that certain group that will be racist,
that will judge you for being you ,
that will make sure that you uncomfortable in your own skin ,
that will make you think you not perfect, that you are mistake, that will put thoughts in your mind,
those thoughts that were created by the devil himself
I know this feeling very well because I grew up with this feelings,
and I have to admit it to myself that it means nothing, I'm used to it
But why did I snap?
Ouu hope
that's it
I had hope
I had hoped they different
I had hoped they won't treat me like them
I sigh
I guess I'll be the old storměigh here too
I'll have to put on my mask once again
Obviously you should put on your masks
You ugly
You really thought they different
You really thought they'll love you
Not even you own family loves you
Who do you think you are to claim love
Have you seen yourself
The voice in my head said
Once I was dropped off i ran to my apartment than went straight to the bathroom and stared in the mirror
I always hated mirrors because it reminded me of who I am really
Like I said
disgusting
Your eyes reminds me of ghosts
Wait ghosts are even better than you
Your name suits you well
Ugly like you
Storms are ugly hence that's why we called you that my mother's voice blurred my brain
I cry while staring in the mirror than chunt words to myself
It's true
It's true
I'm ugly
Useless
Why am I even alive
Why am I wasting air
I start moving my hands to the mirror
Clashhhhh
Silence
The mirror broke
With blood dripping covering my entire hand I sat down and cried some more until they turned into low sobs than they turn into dry tears
I'm not beautiful
With that I slept
Not bothering with eating
Why should I even eat
I'm in the dark again
Confused I ask myself where am I
Where am I going
Why am I here
Out of nowhere I felt pain
Ahhhhhh I screamed
The pain is too much but
Why am I in pain
Why
Than I felt something down my legs
With that the pain increased i felt like I was about to die
I started panicking
So this is how I'm going to die
Die of a pain i hardly knew what caused it
I felt something hard
Very hard
I couldn't anymore
I felt weak
I had no energy to fight anymore
Every move I made the pain did not stop
Ahhhhhhhh-i woke up screaming
I couldn't breath
I really couldn't breath
Isn't it what you wanted the voice in my head said
With that I sob even harder until they got low
My nightmares are back