The heartbreak indirectly contributed to my final research project. Those chaotic feelings prompted me to finish my final research project faster than I was expected.
Thanks to the painful sorrow and die hard longing which remained in my heart, I tried finding ways to set myself free from that torment.
There was no better solution beside devoting all the remaining time for doing research and completing my thesis.
There was no time thinking about anything else, even the disappointment escaped from my mind. I managed to divert attention on something useful and meaningful.
After distributing the hard copies of my thesis for my supervisors and reviewers, I spent the following days for studying at home with the phone off. I didn't want to be disturbed by anyone.
The 15th April became one of the historic days in my life. I went to the campus for the final seminar after spending time at home during a few days.
Before leaving, I asked my parents to pray for me by mean of the smooth seminar processes and greeted them by shaking their hands politely. In fact, I usually didn't greet them very often.
I spent the tensest moment alone in the courtroom with five reviewers. Meanwhile, my friends were waiting for me outside the room with flower buckets and a black sash which inscribed the words "Ara Sofia Ahmad, B.Sc." by using golden yarn.
The tensest moment lasted nearly 2 hours with the excellent result. I was happy and grateful to be the first alumni of my generation and graduated with honors. My happiness was so real because I can put away one of burdens from my shoulders.
Although the graduation ceremony will be taking place a month later, I already saw the moment in front of my eyes. Luckily, I did the seminar on time. If I was even a day late, I wouldn't be able attending the graduation ceremony on mid-May and had to postpone it until August.
I happily came home. Sadden, I was almost never being very happy. There was something relief, suddenly my heart became warm.
The warmth spread out crossed the invisible surface which made me can't stop smiling. I felt really strange, perhaps this was how it felt being a warm person, I thought.
"Ara, wake up! It's already Maghrib", Bunda said, who had just returned from the hospital.
By half-conscious situation, I went to the bathroom for the ablution, then did Maghrib Praying. I'm very grateful for all conveniences so that I have been well through this day. After praying, I joined them in the dining room for dinner; my parents were already there and waited for me.
"How was the result?" Ayah asked me as he pulled up the chair.
"It's must be excellent like I always did", I replied then showing up narcissistic smile before taking a dish.
"So, what's your next plan?" Ayah asked me again as he spooned rice onto his plate.
"Master degree, finding for a job, long holiday, or marry?", Bunda answered by giving several options for my future plans.
Bunda's statement stomped me, I almost swallowed the food. Indeed, Bunda is the best in carrying out her missions, she can't through a day without bringing up the topic of marriage. In spite of that's the most sickening topic in the world.
"I prefer the third option, may I ?", my answer sounds like a question.
"Where's your destination for holiday?", Ayah asked me again.
I wasn't already answering my father's question yet, suddenly my mother spoke for me.
"Ara can spend holidays in KL and attend the opening restaurant", Bunda said.
"The opening of the 3rd branch of Da Lusi", Bunda Added.
[KL is the abbreviation of Kuala Lumpur, the capital city of Malaysia].
[Da Lusi is restaurants belong to Aunty Lusi]
"Do you mind, Ara?", Ayah asked.
Huff.
If it's like this, there are only two options left, agreeing or having a vacation in daydreaming. In fact, what I needed the most was time and space for contemplating and healing.
I needed more me time than just a vacation, but they didn't understand. They had already plan sending me to the source of my anxiety instead.
"Okay, I'll leave for KL after my graduation ceremony", I replied.
"Okay, Bunda will let Aunty Lusi know soon", Bunda responded excitedly.
***