The close relative relationship between Ryan's family and mine made my feelings disguised as sibling's affection; none of them defines it as "love".
They never asked me, then concluded everything based on their own point of views.
It's annoying, they claimed themselves as the closest people of mine, but there was nothing that they known about me; even blind people will realize everything, but they didn't.
When the tahlil started, Ryan and Reza sat side by side flanked by my two brothers; men and women have to sit separately.
I saw them talking just before tahlil began. They are mean and heartless, I chose to ignore them before my reaction was too obvious.
The guests tasted foods serving after tahlil. Some of them came home earlier after eating, some others had good conversations with other guests.
One by one guests left, Reza and his mother also left at 5. The house was quiet again, only Nona Squad members and catering staffs who stayed for tidying up.
I lay down on the sofa with all emotional exhaustion. To be honest, I'm sick of facing classic scenarios which have been carefully arranged by Bunda and Nona Squad.
They treated me like an old lady who will go old lonely. Their excessive worries were always misquoted and misplaced.
"Aunty...", I said then softly grabbed her wrist and relied my head on her shoulder.
"Why?", she asked, then showing off her beautiful smile.
I uncertainly shook my head, then moved to the edge of sofa. What should I say, if she didn't catch any clue.
How to say something straightforwardly, "Take me as your daughter-in-law". It's too frivolous to say. Ah, it seemed like I really had to endure this chaotic feeling alone.
"So, how ?" Ghina asked after approaching us on sofas.
"Don't be too hard on him, or you'll end up being single forever", Tania added.
"Sis, fix, there's s only elder brother Reza who truly loves you", Irham continued.
"Just say yes, and everything will be alright", Ilham said in rhythm.
"What's your decision, Ara ?", Auntie Lusi Asked, she suddenly interested in those absurd conversations.
"Auntie, you can't join them for pushing me to the corner", I protested.
"Rejection is forbidden in Islam when a man who proposed has all requirements to be a good husband", Bunda Said.
"Aren't parents also not allowed to force their children to accept someone they don't in love with?", I replied.
"Whatever it is, you have to be wiser this time", Bunda added.
"It's hot, I'd take a shower first", I avoided.
I left them with annoying feeling. No, I'm mad. I'm so young, but they treated me like an old woman who didn't even had chances to find the right person.
That's all about my description in their mind, I don't look normal enough in their hidden prejudices. Am I need to be worried that much until they always forced me to get engage or marry someone ?
Marriage is a relationship which should be happened naturally. I wanna through all processes without any ex tern influence or encouragement besides me and him; started from finding someone, loving someone, to making a decision to be with someone as a married couple.
Besides, the timing wasn't right either. At least, they should let me peacefully completed my final research project before discussing matchmaking or anything else.
I stayed in the bedroom after taking a shower, sank into the silence. To be honest, it wasn't them whom made me upset and emotional, but Ryan's non-objected demeanor was even more painful.
His reaction didn't change, didn't vacillate at all. Instantly, my head was hit by reality which brought back all of the awareness; I was expecting something that would never be mine.
I never mind with their demeanor, my family and Nona Squad have done the same things anytime as long as they had chances. So, I get used to them without much exhaustion.
I'm pretty sure, at some point they will stop and give up. The one who bothered me the most was Ryan. He was so composed, it so resents.
I left the room for escorting Nona Squad who wanted to go home to the gate. I returned after the shadow of their car disappeared.
They are amazing friends, even if they don't understand me at all. Right, they don't have to because I don't understand myself either.
I returned to the room with a flat expression even though my mood was chaotic. My feelings were messed up, this called a REAL REJECTION.
I was really heartbroken even if I never said it all, even if I didn't hear a single word of rejection. However, it was too painful admitted being the truth.
***