Nathan's Pov :
I hate nights. They're bitter, cold and lonely. I live alone. I hate it. I just hate being like this. I know life's hard for everyone, it's feels extra hard for me.
I got expelled from my highschool few days ago when I just started as a freshman. Because of it I'm a transfer student here but I don't seem to like it. I haven't been there yet as it starts in a week. How do I say it? I have social anxiety, better word - social phobia. I can't mix easily with people. I'm new here in New York. It hurts, I don't have anyone but myself here.
I hate it here. I just wanna go back to Boston. Dad told me I need not come back home till I achieve something. He hates me too. He is disappointed in me. It's not my fault that I'm an introvert. I just can't fit in.
But Idk how I talked to Verity today. It was weird and unusual of me. I don't talk at all. Sometimes people even mistake me for a mute guy but it's not true I'm just... Quiet.
Dad says I'm conceited. But I believe I'm self isolating. Because I can't fuck with people. That's just not my cup of tea. I'm not conceited, I just confide in myself. But now it's killing me. This self love is something I can't do anymore, it's accumulating in me so much that it has just choked my lungs and I can't breathe. I need someone..
Anyone.
I need a friend I can rely on, who'd support me, be with me, even if they are not here 24/7 I just want them in my life. I want them to exist. I'm done with my virtual and supernatural friends. I'm done having an imaginary friend. I'm done having to talk to myself when I'm sad because there's no one to help me.
I'm just... Done with having only me.
Tears stream down my face as I stare into space, standing in my balcony , leaning on the support. I look down and see cars and busy streets lit up beautifully.
A part of me wants to jump right now and end my sufferings here but another part of me wants to go back in, wash my face and try again.
That part of me does not want me to give up and I assure it, I won't. I'll try again.
Maybe I succeed this time.... Maybe I can....