April 6th, 20xx,
It's been a few days since I wrote to you, buddy.
Just a few complicated things happened and had towed me away from telling you what's been going on.
First I'll start you with that on the morning of April 2nd. That was a totally weird day for sure.
For starters, I scared the hell out of Pattie Clarence that morning. All I could hear was the squeaking of rubber boots and I knew for sure that it was her. She's the only one who wears green rubber boots like that. Which is kinda cute I suppose.
She pretty much karate chopped me after I approached her softly. Her shot at me had a lot of strength in it that it left some bruising behind.
Not that she needs to know that or else she'd feel bad. After all, it was just a mere accident. Now I know not to come up behind easily startled girls. I'm surprised if she doesn't become the next Jackie Chan or something. She'd make a good fighter.
A lot better than me...both physically and mentally.
Thirdly, after the mocking from Charlie Love on my name, and just in general, Pattie seemed somewhat concerned about me.
Constantly asking if I'm fine or just trying to give me reassurance on whatever she was aiming for. I could say I at least appreciated the act of kindness.
The fourth thing I must add is that after I was mocked, Pattie opened up to me about how she was mocked by Charlie herself.
Fat shamed to be exact. Though it doesn't matter if you're thin or heavier, Pattie was definitely not overweight. No one deserves to be shamed for their body. She was broader and had muscle.
I didn't understand the least bit as to why she felt comfortable enough to tell me that. I'm no asshole but, usually, people are uncomfortable around me. No one's usually nice enough to tolerate me this long. Pattie seems rather satisfied, and content to be near me.
She was honestly looking for some form of friendship with me. I'm beginning to sound like a preteen girl, but I don't care.
Which has definitely been confirmed to some sort after what I'm telling you next.
She invited me to go to the football game with her. Which could be deemed as normal and polite. Pattie had pretty genuine intentions.
I honestly hate being in social crowds like that. Eagerness in those brown eyes kind of hypnotized me. Focused on breaking me out of my cracked shell.
I couldn't say no. As much as didn't want to bother being involved in any school activities, I told myself that I might as well attempt to make at least a few good memories before my time in this school comes to an end;
I also didn't know how I had impressed a girl enough to ever consider going to a dance with me. Even with only the intentions as a friend. Or even wanting to befriend me. I repelled both men and women.
I didn't want to become friends with anyone ever again. The last time I was close with someone they left. Multiple people left. Destroying me completely.
Friends are good for getting your hopes up with trust and just hurting you in the end. I know, I did it to a few people before too.
Frankly, I didn't feel the need to let anyone in my life after those multiple events. One tragedy taking place after another. This girl is making it tempting to reach out and befriend her. I didn't realize I missed the companionship I thought I'd never be allowed to have again. Being able to laugh at each other's own stupidity and jokes. Having someone to talk to too when no one else would. I missed it so damn much.
It seemed like a nice fantasy I once lived in. Only to face the hard reality. It's all lies.
Though, Pattie Clarence seems to be a different story. Completely genuine with a heart of gold.
The kind of person I wish I could be. What I should have been for you bud.
All I know is that I'm letting this girl give me a chance to show me that high school isn't all bad.
That maybe there are still people out there that I can trust. Or won't hurt me. Or that I won't hurt either. More ways than one... maybe getting involved with a social event will give me a new perspective on things.
Maybe, just maybe. To bring up my tired shoulders a bit with all these deep, unhealthy thoughts. Burdens that I keep to myself. Well, there is only one way to find out is to break out of my barrier. It wouldn't hurt to try.
I also felt terrible for not showing up at lunch either. I just had some things to take care of with Charlie Love. Taking place outside of the school grounds. It was more like he had some, harsh and physical... reinforcement he wanted to remind me of... Leaving quite the reminder. Charlie likes to give me lots of reinforcements.
Another reason why I never came back to school today either. I had to explain to my family that I was a clumsy boy again and fell down some stairs. Covering up why I'm limping. It gets them every time. It's sometimes sad to see they are able to believe one of the most repetitive lines I use. I feed them with lies to keep them happy. For the time being.
Well, I don't really know what else to say for now. I'll update you on what's going on later this week. All I can say is maybe things are turning to a new direction for me.
Zeke,