April 8/94
Something totally fucked up happened today. It doesn't even really feel real, no one is really saying much about it. We found out today in religion class that Kurt Cobain was found dead, apparently a suicide. He shot himself in the head. At first Marie and I didn't believe it, but after talking to a few more people who heard it on the radio, we knew it was real.
But we just went on about our day like nothing happened. I feel kinda mad about it now though, like I don't understand why he could have hated living so much to do that. I hate thinking about dying, I would never do something like that in a million years. I mean sometimes I think about it and what happens afterward, or sometimes I think about the people I would leave behind. Lots of times I think about crashing the car or falling down the stairs and breaking my neck and being like, whoops. But it scares me too much, the nothingness, being nothing. And it's still weird to think about because of all that's going on with Jason.
I love Jason so much and he doesn't even seem to care about me at all. He thought it was dumb I was upset over Kurt. Whatever! He was awesome! I don't care what anybody says about him.
But Jason and I did end up making up from last time, I even saw him this Wednesday and Thursday and things were good. But tonite was just AHHH!
Things started out okay, we were joking around, then he was ignoring me, and finally, we were all kissy kissy.
But then on the way home, he told me he's not going to the dinner dance with me any more, cause it's 'not his thing'! Fuck, I already bought an outfit and shoes and everything. I am so pissed! He doesn't tell me how he's really feeling, it's really annoying! He knew I was going to buy tickets and now he said he's not comfortable at dances! He's such an asshole, but I think I'm falling in love with him. Why else would he upset me so much! Ugh, so me and Jolene are going to go together.
Later
Kate loves Jason
Kate loves Kurt xoxo RIP