May 5/94
Yesterday my brother turned 19. I bought him a six-pack of Bud now that he's legal.
Well I called a boy last night, no not Jason. I need to forget about him, he hasn't called me in two days and the more I think about him, the more pissed off I get.
So I called Christopher. Chris is my ex-boyfriend Trevor's best friend. At first I really wanted to call Trevor but I was scared because I didn't know if he was still going out with what's her face. So I thought if I called Chris, I could get the down low.
But what was weird was that we ended up talking for like, two hours! It was totally unexpected and he was really funny and making me laugh. He made me feel a lot better about myself. I have been kinda feeling like shit because of Jason, like am I that shitty of a girlfriend? I told Chris a little bit about Jason but not everything that he had said to me, I didn't want him to think I was looking for any action, ya know?
But I still kinda want to talk to Trevor. I dunno, this always happens when I start feeling like shit, I think about him and how adorable we were together. Chris said he is sorta single right now. So I called him today. He said he was just leaving to go out, but that he would call me after school tomorrow. It's cool cause I want him so bad right now, at least I think I do. Fuck, my hormones are going crazy. I have a boyfriend, I am so dumb.
It's just I was talking about him with Jolene and we saw him last weekend in passing and I couldn't stop thinking about him again. It's weird, I don't even like Jason anymore. I'm so mean. I swear. But Jason has been super mean to me too so I think I have the right to be super mean to him.
I think it would be really cool if I started hanging out with Trevor and Chris again. They're both so sweet. And hey, maybe something could be there, you never know.
I feel so confused about Jason. I do have feelings for him, but maybe just cause of all the fooling around we did. I mean, I like him but I don't like him like him.
Fuck, I'm fucked.
Later.