Chapter 19: Reactions
Hermione joined the others helping Molly in the kitchen. Christmas breakfast was always a lot of work, even with Dobby trying to make everything by himself. Nevertheless, soon the food was spread across the large dinning table, and the seats were filled one by one as the house woke up.
Harry called to the kids from the bottom of the stairs.
"Of course they're awake. They must be too engrossed in their gifts to remember breakfast," Harry said, rejoining the others. It didn't take long after Harry sat at the table for the children to arrive in the dining room. By then, conversation filled the room and the Christmas meal took its typical joy.
At length, someone brought the subject of gifts up. Sirius was animatedly discoursing about his list of gifts, and when it ended, he said, "Nathan got the coolest necklace!"
"Is that it?" Harry asked, turning his attention to his godson. "Can we see it?" he asked, smiling.
Nathan seemed unwilling to comply, but slowly pulled at its chain, bringing the round-shaped glass outside his shirt.
"It's very beautiful, Nathan. Who's it from?" Harry asked then.
Nathan took the now purple-filled glass in his hand protectively. He opened his mouth to say something, but he never managed to articulate anything; Lily was faster. "It's from his father," she said, preparing to bite her toast until the reactions that followed her revelation made her lower it back to the plate.
The chatter diminished instantaneously and died altogether the following moment, leaving only an utter silence in the room. Eyes darted from Nathan to Hermione and stayed there. She could see shock, curiosity, confusion and sympathy, all directed at her, all at that same instant; she was as shocked, curious and confused as them. Severus sent Nathan a gift? She blinked longer than usual, turning her head to focus her eyes on Nathan; their eyes met when he looked her way.
"Is it possible, Hermione?" Harry asked, breaking the silence.
Hermione didn't register his inquiry. She was looking at Nathan's right hand gripping the pendant and holding it close to his heart. Why did he send him a gift? She knew better than to believe it was for the joy of sending his son a Christmas gift. No, there was more to it. What is he playing at?
"Hermione," Harry called again.
She blinked and focused on him.
"Is it possible?" Harry insisted.
Harry's green eyes were unreadable, cold even, and it made her uneasy. Hermione averted her eyes from his, only to find others on her. "Yes," she answered, and it was as if she had given a sign for them to start talking again, and all at the same time.
Her mind was growing even more confused with their questions and babbling, adding to her own internal questions and babbling. Hermione rose abruptly from her seat, not willing to take it anymore. She bypassed the table, and grabbed Nathan by one arm, making him rise from his seat, too. "Enough!" she growled, and without further word, she dragged Nathan into the library and closed the door behind them.
Hermione's word wasn't enough to bring silence to the occupants of the breakfast table, nor was the sound of the library door closing with some force. What finally brought order to the room was a single word from Harry: "Silence!"
"I know this is a surprise for us all, but you already sent Hermione away," he said next.
"Dad, what did I say wrong?" Lily asked, still a little startled with the consequences of her words.
"Nothing, sweetheart. You said nothing wrong."
"Then why you were so silent, as if I had said something wrong?" she asked, now more confused than fearful. "And why did Aunt Hermione take Nathan away?"
"We are worried about Nathan's necklace," Harry answered.
"But why, if it's a gift from his father?" she insisted.
Harry's eyes went colder. Ginny, seeming to realize that, took over answering her daughter's questions. "Have you ever seen Nathan with his father?" Ginny asked.
The girl appeared to be searching in her memory. "No," she answered at length.
"That's because we don't know him," Ginny completed her reasoning.
"Not even Nathan?" Sirius asked then.
Ginny turned her attention to him. "Not even Nathan."
"That's sad," Lily observed, lowering her head to look at her hands on her lap.
Another silence followed.
"Do you know something we don't?" Ron asked Harry. "You're Nathan's godfather; didn't she ever tell you who he is?"
Harry brushed his hair back. "No, she didn't," he answered. "I didn't even know she kept in touch with whoever he is."
"What if the man only found them after Nathan went to Hogwarts?" Arthur pointed out. "They lived in the Muggle world until then."
"Dad has a point," agreed Fred. "She could have abandoned the Wizarding world in search of protection."
"She never explained why she didn't take that position at the Ministry after the war," George added, nodding.
"I've offered protection," Harry said, shaking his head in denial. "She knew it was safe to stay. She chose the Muggle world for another reason." He was frowning in annoyance with the repeated suppositions. "And we've discussed this already."
"If what you're saying is right, if she kept in touch with the man, then why did he decide to show up only now?" Ron asked. "Who is this man?"
"I don't think she planned any of this," Remus intervened. "She didn't know Nathan's father would send him the necklace."
Harry looked at him suspiciously. The way the werewolf had said that made Harry believe Remus knew more than he was letting on. Remus caught his eyes on him and didn't say or do anything that betrayed or denied Harry's suspicions – which in itself was peculiar.
"Has something happen at Hogwarts lately?" Harry asked the Defense professor. "Something involving Nathan or Hermione?"
Harry continued to study Remus, who took some time before replying, "Nathan and Devon Malfoy have been bickering at each other."
"Why?" Harry insisted.
"Devon found out Nathan doesn't know his father, and he's been taunting him ever since," Remus clarified.
"And let me guess," Harry said in a tone of bitter irony, "Snape didn't do anything to stop Malfoy."
"It's not that simple, we can't watch the boys all the time," Remus explained, visibly trying to defend the Slytherin.
"I've warned him," Harry said, ignoring Remus explanation. "He can't treat Nathan like he treated me. I won't allow that, and he's been warned."
"This is not about Snape, Harry," Ginny interrupted her husband. "This is about Nathan's father."
Harry rose from the table. "I'll find out what is going on, now." And with that, he went to the library, knocking hard on the door.
Hermione leaned back, resting her head on the old wooden door of the library and sighed, closing her eyes. When she opened them, she saw Nathan studying her, looking confused. She withdrew her wand and placed some silencing wards about the room.
"Let me see the necklace," she demanded.
"No," Nathan denied.
Hermione sighed again. Calm down, she thought. "I'm not taking it from you. I just want to examine it," she assured him.
Nathan closed his hand protectively over the pendant again. "What do you want to look for?"
"Have you even thought there could be something to harm you in it?" she pointed out.
"It's a gift of protection," he declared, lifting his chin in defiance.
"How do you know that? How do you know it's from your father, and not from someone pretending to be your father?" She was starting to lose the little control she'd recovered. "There are people who would want to harm you, people who lost a great deal at the end of the war, with Voldemort's defeat. What if someone sent you a jinxed amulet? You're too young to understand..."
"Mum."
"…what happened during the war and the fact that there are people…"
"Mum."
"…who hate me and Harry and Ron, and you can't recognize Dark magic-"
"Mum!" she heard her son scream, effectively interrupting her. "It's a gift of protection. It was in the letter my father sent me, and he's not a criminal or anything. He fought by your side in that war."
"How can you be so sure?" she asked, taken aback by his apparent knowledge of his father's allegiances.
"Dumbledore told me."
Dumbledore? Her eyes widened. "How can Dumbledore-" She snapped her mouth shut before she said anything else. "He was already a portrait when you were born, Nathan. What can he possibly know about it? Besides," she continued, "I'm not saying that your father would send you a jinxed gift, just that it could be from someone else pretending to be your father. Now, let me see the necklace."
He hesitated still. Hermione knew he could see her point by the look in his eyes. He finally dropped his hand from the pendant and she could see the oval glass vial filled with a strong blue liquid – a potion, she realized. Definitely from Severus, she concluded in her thoughts. What is going through his mind? What does he want with it? She couldn't find a plausible reason for Severus' actions.
"Let me read the letter," she asked then.
Nathan reached for his pocket and took a piece of parchment from it, but didn't give it to her.
"It's really hard to read when it's folded in your hand," she pointed out, annoyed.
Nathan unfolded the letter but didn't attempt to hand it over to her. He held it open, with the inscriptions turned to her, so she could read from his hands.
Hermione rolled her eyes and threw her hands in the air, asking the Gods for more patience. "This is ridiculous! I'll not burn it or tear the letter to pieces, Nathan!"
He flinched at her tone. She closed her eyes; that was not what she'd intended. Hermione went to an armchair, taking a seat. "Come over here," she bid Nathan in a much calmer tone. He slowly complied, having the letter refolded in his hand. She gestured for him to sit on her lap, and when he did, she encircled him in a half hug, pulling him to her.
"I understand the importance of this gift for you, I do," she made it clear, running her fingers on his fine hair. "But I need to know if it's legitimate; if this is really a gift from your father. I won't lie to you," she added, "and you know that already."
She waited for a sign that he agreed, and when he nodded lightly, she said, "Now, let's read that letter together," and rested her head on his shoulder. He unfolded the parchment again, and she read it.
Wear it at all times, and I'll be with you when you most need me. It's my gift of protection, she replayed mentally. A shiver ran through her spine. Severus wanted to protect Nathan, in a very Slytherin way, she considered, but that warmed her heart nonetheless.
"It's true, isn't it? My father sent me a gift," Nathan asked, searching her face for her reaction to the letter uncertainly.
She smiled at him. "Yes, he did."
A wide grin filled his face. She hugged him tighter and he leaned into her embrace, resting his head on her shoulder, until a rather hard knock on the door broke the moment.
"Hermione," they heard coming from the other side. "I know this is a selective silencing ward and that you can hear me. Open the door so we can talk." It was Harry. "Only you and me, if you prefer," he added as an after thought.
"Mum," Nathan said, looking back at her after being startled by Harry's knock. "Uncle Harry will want to see my necklace, too, won't he? Will I have to show them all?"
"I'm not sure, Nathan," she answered, "but I'm afraid so. Let me open the door for him, and we'll find out."
She moved under her son's weight, and when he stood from her lap and she rose as well. Fixing her wand, she brought down some of her wards and opened the door, allowing Harry to enter the library.
"Why did you leave the table?" Harry asked her.
He now looked fixedly at Nathan, at his necklace. Nathan clutched it protectively once more.
"Go finish your breakfast," Hermione told her son.
"I want to stay," Nathan answered.
"Do as your mother says, Nathan," Harry pressed.
Nathan looked from Harry to Hermione, and after she smiled at him, nodding, he left the library. The door closed behind him and Harry raised the wards this time.
"Tell me, Hermione. Who sent the necklace?"
"His father," she answered tersely.
Harry stared at her. "And who would that be?"
"I'm not telling you, Harry. Please, don't insist," she asked.
"No, Hermione. I won't let go this time around. When it was only about you… I knew you could handle whoever attempted to harm you, but now it concerns Nathan, too. I won't just sit and watch while he might be in danger just because you won't tell me a name from some man you had something with more than ten years ago. I won't," he said firmly.
Hermione looked at the intensity of Harry's green eyes as they flickered in hers, unwavering. "There is nothing to be worried about," she assured. "That's all you need to know. Let's go back to breakfast," she suggested and made for the door, but it didn't open for her. She turned to him, annoyed. "Open the door, Harry."
Harry, taking a seat on a nearby armchair, said, "Take a seat, Hermione."
"I'm not having this conversation with you again. Open the door," she demanded, glaring at him.
He didn't shy under her glare. "Take a seat," he repeated simply.
She strode back to sit in an armchair facing his. "There's nothing to worry about, Harry," she repeated in exasperation. "It's only a necklace enchanted for protection. If I needed your help in dealing with this, I would have asked."
"Why would he need protection from his unknown father, a man who never cared to show up in all these years?" Harry asked.
"Harry, please…" she begged.
"Hermione, I'm his godfather, I love him as if he was my son, and I love you as a sister. I respected your secret for all these years, satisfied with the thought that you wanted to keep both of you away from whoever this man is, for reasons I could only imagine. But now, he enters your life through that necklace, out of nowhere, as if it was the most natural thing to do," Harry pointed out, "and you want me to believe there is nothing wrong with it? I won't buy that," he completed, shaking his head and reclining back on the chair.
Hermione closed her eyes. She would have to reveal at least some of her guarded secrets, she knew that. Harry had asked before; they had argued hotly about her refusals, but he hadn't insisted as much as he was doing now; and she knew he wouldn't back off after that necklace, and she understood his worry. She shook her head, lamenting Severus' Slytherin approach, and she would let him know as much, after she was through with damage control here.
She opened her eyes to catch Harry still watching her, resolved. "He couldn't have looked for Nathan before, because he didn't know of his existence," she revealed softly.
Harry's demeanor softened a little, but not intentionally. "Why?"
"I can't tell you that, only that it was my choice alone," she answered.
"Why did you tell him now, or recently, or whenever you told him, then?" Harry asked, confused with his wording due to his ignorance of the facts.
"I didn't," Hermione stated, "but I'm glad he knows." She lowered her head to look at her clasped hands. "I should have told him years ago," she continued in a low voice. "It's been hard for him to accept it, just as hard as for me to deal with the consequences of what I did, but the worst is what it's doing to Nathan." She looked up again, meeting his gaze. "I messed up, Harry, and fixing it doesn't depend solely on me anymore."
"I could help," he offered, some of the ice gone from his voice.
Hermione shook her head in denial, leaving the armchair. "I know you want to, but no one can," she said, facing the bookshelves. "It's his choice; it's the one decision I can't take from him." She caressed the leather of the tomes, trying to regain emotional control in their silence, when a hand on her shoulder broke her concentration.
"I don't like to see you distressed like this," Harry said, squeezing her shoulder in support.
"I did what I thought was best for both of them," she confessed.
"I believe you," Harry said softly, using his free hand to bring her head to his shoulder gently.
The library fell on a contemplative silence.
"I can still help with Nathan. I've heard his having trouble with Malfoy," Harry offered.
Her mouth curved in a ghost of a smile, while she stepped away from Harry's embrace. "That has been dealt with," she told him. "Remus is taking care of that as his Head of House."
"But is Snape dealing with Malfoy?" Harry said. "I think the old bat needs some reminding."
Hermione sobered again. "Harry, don't interfere."
"I won't do anything you wouldn't approve of," he assured her, and lifted his wand to bring down the wards. "Let's finish breakfast, if there's anything left for us," he said, gesturing for her to precede him back into the hall.
Hermione didn't say anything else, although she didn't like Harry's answer to her request him to not interfere at Hogwarts. She didn't want to raise suspicions towards Severus, nor did she want to leave Nathan alone with all those sure-to-be-curious Weasleys.
"Good morning, Miss Granger," Severus greeted, without taking his eyes from the root he was chopping. He has been expecting her at any time now; he even thought she would have come the night before, her self-restraint surprising him.
When she didn't answer his greeting and just stood on the threshold of the laboratory, he finally looked at her. No, the sight that met him wasn't one of sheer happiness, as he had expected it to be.
"What were you thinking?" she said. "Do you know how many questions I had to answer? Did you even think on the repercussion your little gift would have?"
Yes, he had. He would have means to know his son's feelings and prevent him from withdrawing into himself. If Nathan had questioned her on anything, Severus knew she would be smart enough to answer the questions without great consequences to the secrecy of his identity. It was not a high price to pay for his watchful eyes on the boy after all.
"I'm sure you had great answers for all of his questions; you always have," he said, amused by her distress.
Hermione strode into the room and stopped in front of him, across the workbench he was using. She placed one hand on each side of the cutting board, effectively taking his attention from the roots. He lifted his eyes to meet hers. She was enraged.
"You think it's amusing, don't you?" she spat. "Well, it's not! The Weasleys were intrigued; I thought Harry was going to hex me if I didn't tell him your name!"
Weasleys? Potter? Severus didn't think they would know of the necklace. Where did he go wrong? Where did his plan fail?
"You never thought of that, did you? You never thought they would find out," she stated, as if listening to his musings.
"Why would they care? They have nothing to do with it!" he answered, annoyed. "If a father decides to send his son a gift, it's not anyone's business."
Hermione was shaking her head. "I'm not complaining. Believe me, I was very surprised by your gift, pleasantly so. What I can't agree is with the way you're going about this."
"I'm not looking for your approval, either, Granger," he made certain to let her know. "I don't care if you agree or not."
"Why are you doing this? Why do you show you care when you're obviously doing your best to say you don't?" she accused. "If you don't want to be part of our lives… I really don't get you."
"I'll never be part of your lives, Granger; I told you from the beginning," he clarified. "Not in the way you expect me to."
"Then why did you interfere?" Her tone wasn't accusing, but a lament. "I've asked you to tell him properly; to sit, the three of us, and talk. What you're doing… The way you're approaching him… He'll feel betrayed when he finally finds out."
"That's not my problem, Granger. Your mess, your secrets," he said. "I'm only doing my job."
"And what is that? To make him hate his father the moment he finds out it's you? To make him suffer-"
"This way is better!" he interrupted her, his voice louder and stronger. "If hating me will guard him, then that's how it will be! I'm trying to keep an eye on him, Granger – to protect him, and that includes from me."
He looked at her staring at him after his outburst, and she seemed tired. Why did she have to insist that he revealed himself? He has already decided he wouldn't ignore Nathan's existence, only that he wouldn't be the boy's father in all aspects of the role. Wasn't that enough?
"I'll give you one week after the new term starts," she said. "If you care for him, and I know you do, we'll sit as a family and we'll tell him you're his father."
He narrowed his eyes, placing his hands on the workbench for support as he invaded her personal space threateningly. "Do you think you can give me a deadline? You, who kept him a secret from me for eleven years? That conversation will never happen, Ganger, let alone within your stupid deadline!" he growled.
Her reaction to his indignation unsettled him. All she did was lower her head to look at the workbench, as if his words were being said in his lecture tone.
"You don't need to get all defensive, Severus. This is not a deadline I'm setting," she said, and lifting her eyes from the workbench to meet his again, she added, "You set it when you sent him a mysterious gift for Christmas." She seemed resigned.
"Let's do it the right way, Severus. Let's tell him before he finds out," she asked again.
"He won't find out, unless you tell him," Severus said.
"I never thought that you, of all people, were prone to delusions." Her eyes burned into his at this closeness. "He knows more than I thought he knew. He didn't even question if the necklace was meant to harm him. He knows his father was an Order member, Severus, and when he connects the potion in his new necklace to the only Potions Master in the Order; when he looks into your eyes the way I'm doing right now and sees his own…"
He averted his eyes, and didn't see Hermione lower hers to the workbench.
"When he examines your hands," she continued, and to his shock, she reached to cover his left hand with her right one, tracing the knuckles ever so lightly, "and sees a match to his own."
He straightened himself, pulling his hand away from the workbench and from under hers. Severus noticed that her eyes remained on it while his hand moved, even now that it hung at his side. He crossed his arms then, uncomfortable. Severus hoped he had covered any sign of surprise faster than she had raised her eyes to meet his.
She sighed heavily. "Just think about it; that's all I'm asking, Severus." And she was gone before he could consider the implications of all she'd said and done.
Severus scowled at the door. He unfolded his arms, holding the hand she had touched palm down; he stared at it, frowning. Prone to delusions,he replayed her words in his mind, tracing his own knuckles. Who's deluding oneself? He squeezed his hand and dropped it, as if he could hurt it with his contempt.
Nathan sat at the table, sipping orange juice and distracting himself with the entertainment section of the Muggle newspaper. His mother sat across from him, also having breakfast. It's been almost a week since Christmas; it was almost the New Year. In another week, he would be back at Hogwarts for a new term of classes with his friends… and foes, he added to himself.
Suddenly, Nathan realized that his mother's side of the table was too quiet. He looked up and found Hermione staring unseeing at him, at his chest, at his necklace. He unceremoniously tucked it inside his shirt, glaring at her. It wasn't the first time he'd caught her in the act; she seemed more distracted than ever these days. His move appeared to bring Hermione back from her trance, and she resumed eating the scrambled eggs that were sure to be cold by now.
"Are you sure you want to come with me?" she questioned him, shoving her half-full plate away and placing her crossed arms on the table. "There won't be much to do. I'll just set the experiment and wait in my office until it's complete, and as soon as it's over, I can Apparate home and pick you up."
"There's nothing to do here, either," Nathan pointed out. "If Jeremy wasn't spending time with his grandparents, I could stay with him, but…" He shrugged. "And you know I like to see the experiments."
"Just checking," Hermione said, smiling, "and making sure I can say that I told you so when you start complaining you're bored."
"Why would I complain? I would be ten thousand times more bored here than at the university."
"Is that so?" Hermione asked, amused. "What happened to 'I'll spend the whole holiday reading'?"
"I've read all the good books, including those you borrowed from your boyfriend," Nathan defended himself, teasing her back.
"William is not my boyfriend," Hermione answered, rolling her eyes. "But it was good you mentioned his books. We're taking them with us; I'm returning them to him."
"That's why you asked so many times if I wanted to go; your boyfriend will be there!" Nathan kept teasing. "Mum has a boyfriend, mum has a boyfriend," he chanted.
"I do not!" Hermione said.
Nathan just laughed.
Not much later, Nathan assisted his mother in the laboratory of the Chemistry Department. Everything was almost done and he would soon have nothing to do for the two hours it took the experiment to complete. Of course he wouldn't admit he was already bored to death in anticipation of those hours.
"Ready?" Hermione asked.
Nathan positioned himself to turn on the start button. "Ready."
"On three, then; one, two, three," Hermione counted, and Nathan pushed the button while she added the last reagent to the mix. "Great," she said, "now we wait for the results." Hermione smiled at him and turned to clean the workbench before they left the equipment for the time being.
"It takes two hours, right?" Nathan asked, letting his impatience slip into his voice.
"Bored, already? Can I say it, then?" she teased him, amused.
"Who said I'm bored?" he defied. "I just want to understand the whole process," he lied.
Hermione took off her gloves and apron. "Yes, it takes two hours." She fondled with his hair, and led him out of the laboratory, saying, "Let's find something to save you from your boredom."
They had just entered the hallway heading for Hermione's office when a man called for her.
"I didn't expect to see you working between Christmas and New Year," William commented, approaching them.
"It's just for a couple of hours before Nathan and I go out for the day. How was Christmas?"
"I had a great time with my sister and her husband," William answered, and turning his attention to Nathan, said, "So you're the famous Nathan. It's nice to finally meet you." The man offered his hand in courtesy. Nathan took it.
"This is Professor William Brice, Nathan," Hermione filled in.
"Nice to meet you, Professor Brice," Nathan greeted, still shaking the man's hand.
"Call me William, or Will, like your mother does." The man smiled. Nathan nodded. "Well, I just wanted to say hello," he told Hermione. "I don't want to keep you from enjoying your son's company."
Hermione smiled at William. "You're not keeping me from anything. In fact, we were going to look for you. You just saved us the search."
William's smile broadened. "Looking for me? What would be the reason?"
"I wanted to return the books you lent me. They're in my office."
Hermione led the way while they talked about the books. Nathan was asked for opinions and was content when both adults seemed truly interested in his point of view. They reached the office and the conversation had changed to Hermione's experiment, which led to other academic topics, then to other books. That made Nathan wonder what it would be like if his mother was to really date this man – or any professor, for that matter.
Nathan didn't remember well the last time Hermione had dated. It's been a long time ago, and it hadn't lasted long enough for his young brain to register many details at the time. While he attended the Muggle school, he'd seen many families like his own, with only a mother and kids, or, in some cases, a father and kids. Many of those parents had girlfriends or boyfriends, and some of them even married a second time, starting a new family. Why didn't his mother do that? She was never married, at least not that he knew about. Why wouldn't she want to marry, or even date anyone?
Nathan had heard stories of when Hermione had dated Uncle Ron, back when she was a student at Hogwarts. Besides him, Nathan knew she have had to had something with his father. Did they date? Did she love him? Did he love her? Why didn't they marry? Why weren't they a family? Nathan didn't know. He couldn't even begin to understand.
The potion inside his pendant changed from a light green to a deep blue, showing the sadness that invaded his heart. By now, Nathan had realized what those color changes meant – his mood. Why did his father send him a mood necklace telling him it was for protection? That, he hadn't figured out yet. Nor what that liquid inside the necklace really was, although he thought it to be a potion, Nathan would only be sure when he has access to Hogwarts' library again.
"Nathan," his mother called.
He looked up, away from the pendant in his hand, meeting her eyes. Hermione looked worriedly from his eyes to the necklace and back again.
"We still have an hour here," she told him. "Do you want to go outside? Or to the library, maybe?" she asked, still looking a little worried.
"I can wait here," Nathan answered, letting go of the pendant. "I can keep trying to understand what these trans-reactions are." He tried to force a smile.
"It's my fault entirely, I'm sorry," William admitted. "We shouldn't be talking about work…"
Hermione looked to his necklace again and smiled. "Maybe medieval weapons would be a better topic," she suggested.
Nathan followed her gaze, looking at pendant then, and saw its contents were back to that light shade of green it took on most of the time. "Would you prefer a sword or a dagger for a close combat weapon? I think daggers are better for their secrecy."
Pleasant conversation filled the hour they needed to wait; William ended up being good company. Soon, Hermione and Nathan were leaving the university to spend some time in Muggle London. They had plenty of places to visit before heading for the movies.
Severus sat in his office, staring at the coin-like vial sitting on his desk. Classes had resumed, and ever since, the color of its content had acquired shades he had never seen in it before. Reds of anger, browns of humiliation; Severus missed the light greens, the oranges, those unexpected pinks… In fact, Severus had been stricken to observe that most of the time many shades of blue filled the glass vial, replacing that soothing light green. It showed that his boy was much more guarded in his emotions now that he was back at Hogwarts than when he was only with his mother.
At least not even a glimpse of grey ever tainted the potion. If the blue turned into grey, he would have to act; he would have to save his boy from a deeper depression and sadness, or at least he convinced himself that was what he would be doing. He hoped it wouldn't come to that, and he didn't think it would. The time Nathan spent away from Hogwarts made him good. Even not knowing his son very well, all those detentions and this time he'd spent watching his moods worked in his favor. He was an observant man, after all, and he was sure he wouldn't see any grey in it, or yellow, he thought, amused. No coward yellows for Gryffindors.
Only when deep blue changed into greeny white did Severus turn his full attention to the essays; Nathan was asleep. That was his new routine now. Severus needed to be sure his son was peacefully sleeping before concentrating on anything else, and even then, he still checked his amulet for signs of any change. He'd never seen any significant or worrisome one, though; not until he'd looked up from the last essay he had to grade, and saw a swirl of graying yellow invade the peaceful greeny white.
Severus was startled and on his feet in seconds. He didn't even think before taking the amulet from his desk and activating it to locate Nathan, while exiting his office to the chilly corridor of Hogwarts' dungeons. If his son was afraid and somber, he had to find him immediately! Severus remembered the boy's little adventure into the Forbidden Forest months ago, and followed the locator spell faster, until it took him to the Entrance Hall. There, Severus stopped and frowned; the spell was leading him up the stairs instead of through the oak front doors.
Severus checked the potion in his amulet again; it still had that yellowish tone with a grey tinge to it. "What are you afraid of, if you're inside the castle?" he murmured to the halls, climbing the stairs to where the spell pointed him. Only when he arrived just outside Gryffindor common room and it directed him to go inside did Severus question the veracity of the locator spell's information. If Nathan was inside Gryffindor, why would he be afraid? Another check of his amulet and showed nothing had changed from his last inspection.
The only signs that he was doing this against his better judgment were a sigh and the fact that he had his eyes closed when he delivered the teacher's password to the Fat Lady. The common room was deserted at that time of the night; it was way past midnight, after all. But Severus had been almost sure he would find some commotion in there. The locator insisted he should climb the stairs he knew led to the dormitories, though. What was going on up there? He couldn't hear any sound that would give him a clue, or any sound at all for that matter. Silencing charms? he wondered.
He was more worried than conscious of his actions now. Severus just wanted to find Nathan and protect him from whatever was causing him those feelings. The door to his son's dormitory didn't offer any resistance, and Severus only found sounds of sleeping boys inside. Strange. Until a whimper reached his ears, coming from one of the four-poster beds.
Severus, wand at the ready, cautiously pulled the drapes to the side to find Nathan, and only Nathan. Although his boy was alone, Severus didn't relax yet. Nathan was struggling with the covers, turning his head from side to side, grimacing and whimpering; he was having a nightmare. Severus entertained the thought of leaving the room, leaving his son to his nightmare, but his body wouldn't move.
Nathan mumbled something, breaking Severus' musings. He mumbled some more, and now Severus thought he heard the words spider and back and no a few times. He's dreaming of that night in the Forest, Severus realized. More mumbles, and he strained to listen and understand. Besides spider and away, Severus could make out the name of his son's godfather – Harry – and, to his utter surprise, his own name – Snape. That made him stiffen, even more uncomfortable with the situation.
Severus knew the best thing to do was to wake him from the nightmare, but how would he do that without being caught in the act? He couldn't wake him, but he knew who could. With the lightness of his graceful movements, he left the dormitory, crossed Gryffindor common room and exited through the hole guarded by the Fat Lady. He continued down the corridor, the flaring torches trying to keep up with his fast pace. He stopped abruptly and knocked at a wooden door. It was opened for him after some insistence.
"You need to go to Gryffindor Tower," Severus informed.
"Severus? What is going on?" Hermione asked, visibly startled.
"He's having a nightmare," Severus answered. "You need to wake him."
Hermione frowned, seeming confused, which annoyed Severus.
"Leave your questions for another time. We don't have all night," he said, which effectively made Hermione act. She threw a coat over her sleeping garments and joined Severus in the chilly hallway.
She kept quiet while following his billowing robed person. He didn't say anything else besides the password to access the Tower. He could feel she was analyzing him, and knew he would have a lot of questions to answer after they were through here. Severus checked his amulet: grayish yellow. He indicated that she should precede him up the stairs to the dormitories.
He should have stayed down in the common room. Why did he follow her up stairs? He knew the answer. He wasn't acting in his right mind, and by the time some sense of self-preservation invaded it, he was already inside the dormitory. He chose the darkest corner; Hermione was sitting on Nathan's bed.
From where he stood, he could only see Hermione's back as a delineated shadow. She was shushing the boy. "Wake up, honey. It's only a dream. Shhh, it's all right. It's only a bad dream," he heard her sooth the boy in the sweetest of voices. "I'm right here with you. No one can harm you."
"Mum," he heard Nathan's high acknowledgement. The boy moved to hug her. "The spiders were eating me."
"Shhh," Hermione shushed again, and Severus could hear the sound of her hands patting his son's back, comforting. "It's over. There are no spiders here, it was only a bad dream," she assured.
The sound of Nathan's desperation wasn't only heard by him. A head popped out of another four-poster bed. "Who's there?" asked the sleepy voice.
"It's only me, Andy; Nathan's Mum. Go back to sleep."
"What's going on?" Andy insisted.
"Nothing, just go back to sleep before we wake the others," she whispered.
Severus saw the head disappear back inside the protection of the drapes. Nathan didn't seem that reassured, though. "Uncle Harry couldn't find me. Professor Snape was here, but he didn't do anything, and then he was gone. The spiders were eating me-"
"Calm down, honey. You were dreaming. Professor Snape wouldn't leave you there, would he? It was only a bad dream, and it's over," she assured the boy some more.
Silence filled the room. Severus could see the forms of their shadows entwined to each other. Could Nathan have felt his presence in the room, looming over him? No, he couldn't have, could he?
"Why didn't he wake me?" his son's soft, sleepy voice asked, breaking the silence.
"Who?" Hermione asked back, caressing his back.
"My father," the boy answered. "Why didn't he wake me? I know he was here, only he was Professor Snape in my dream."
Severus was as perplexed as he could see Hermione was. Nathan didn't only sense his presence in the room, but the boy had also known it was his father; that he was his father. Come on, Granger, he thought. Say something to dismiss his suspicions.
"Go back to sleep, Nathan. You're very tired," was all Hermione said, lowering Nathan back to the pillow and tugging the covers back up. Severus saw her bend over, and heard the kiss she placed on the boy's forehead. She remained stooped, and he could barely make out the sound she was making; she was humming a lullaby.
Severus didn't know where the warmth that invaded his chest came from. He shivered. Hermione hummed for a while longer, and only when she left the bed and closed the drapes did he dare move. She looked at him as if she'd forgotten he was there. He nodded towards the door. They left.
They walked in silence, lost in thoughts. Hermione's deep intake of air called his attention. She spoke, "Your week is almost over, Severus, but we still have time."
Severus didn't want to hear that, to be reminded of that. He straightened his back, standing in all his threatening glory, but when he was prepared to deliver his snide reply, she spoke again, "I get it. Go back to your dungeon. I'm really tired and I know you'll be looking for me during the week." And her door closed in front of him.
Harry Potter was finally free from Ministry duties for an evening. Why did the criminals decide to act during holidays? Every year was the same. He signed a last report, sent a note to Ginny and left the Auror office. He had just enough time to catch dinner at Hogwarts.
Harry didn't forget Nathan's issue. He knew Hermione put too much trust in Snape for her own good; it's been like this since the war times. If she thought he, Harry Potter, was going to stand back with his arms crossed while that old bat laughed at his godson, she didn't know him at all.
What intrigued him a little was Remus Lupin's reaction to the whole necklace incident. Normally, Lupin wouldn't jump in to defend anyone, even if he thought they were being harsh in their accusations. Lupin would stay quiet, watching without involvement. That day, at Christmas breakfast, the werewolf had jumped in to defend first Hermione, saying she didn't know about the necklace, and then Snape, implying he was doing his best to look after Malfoy.
Harry didn't have the strength to think of anything else after the Floo trip. He was standing in front of Minerva's table when she greeted him, surprised, "Mr. Potter? What brings you to Hogwarts? Is everything all right at the Ministry?"
"Everything is fine, Minerva. I'm here for a couple of visits, really. Nothing related to the Ministry," he assured her. "How are you?"
"I'm sorry, Harry," she apologized. "I'm doing fine. The excitement of the students after a long holiday always results in more work for me, but everything is fine." Minerva smiled at him.
"Hello, sir," Harry greeted the figure of Albus Dumbledore.
"Hello, my boy," the portrait twinkled. "How are Ginny and the kids?"
"They're great," Harry smiled at him.
"Would you join me for dinner in the Great Hall?" Minerva invited.
"I thought you would never ask," Harry told her. "It's nice to see you, Professor Dumbledore," he told the portrait with great sincerity.
Albus smiled. "It's nice to see you, too, Harry. Send my best to the others."
Harry nodded and left the circular room with Minerva.
"Who are you visiting, if you don't mind me asking?" Minerva said.
"Lupin and Snape," Harry answered, not supplying more information than was necessary.
"Snape?" Minerva asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Yes," Harry said simply. He knew Minerva wouldn't be pleased with that answer, but he also knew she would intervene if she knew the reason of his visit. They were already in the Great Hall, so he felt it was safe to add, "We won't destroy your school," before taking the seat next to Remus Lupin.
Harry was getting all the attention. He was used to that by now, so the only eyes he really felt wasn't even those of Minerva's glare; it was those of the shadowy presence at her right – Snape.
"Harry? What brings you to Hogwarts?" Lupin asked, making him avert his gaze from the Potions master.
"I'm visiting," Harry answered. "How are you, Remus?" he asked, smiling.
"I'm fine," Lupin answered, suspicious. "Visiting with whom?"
"You, Minerva, Dumbledore, the house-elves' food," Harry listed, while serving himself potatoes, "Snape. Lot's of things bring me to Hogwarts."
"Snape?" Lupin asked, like Harry knew he would.
"Yes, him too," Harry said, dismissively. "Can you pass me the juice?"
Lupin took the jug and placed it closer to Harry. "What do you want with Severus, Harry?" Lupin asked looking grave.
"Let's leave that between me and him," Harry answered. "We have more interesting things to talk about, like what you know about Nathan's father, for instance." He gave Lupin a side glance, accessing the werewolf's reaction to the subject. Was that annoyance?
"Why do you insist that I know something about that?" Lupin said.
"Because you do," Harry said simply. "Otherwise you wouldn't have intervened in Hermione's favor. I know you, and if you felt the need to interfere, then you know much more than you want us to think."
"Harry, I just knew Hermione was unaware of the necklace, because I was the only one observant enough to see her shock at the news," the Defense master assured him.
Harry narrowed his eyes, chewing on his food. Lupin had a point. Hermione seemed a bit shocked after seeing the necklace, but that wasn't enough to dissuade him. Harry knew better than that, and decided to change tactics.
"I'm just concerned about Hermione and Nathan. She's my best friend, he's my godson, and I don't want to be unprepared to deal with any pain this man can cause them," Harry said. "I only want to help."
"I know how big your heart is, Harry." Lupin smiled at him. "But I think we need to trust Hermione on this. She wouldn't do anything to harm Nathan. Look at the sacrifices she's made for him," Lupin pointed out. "And if you want to help, just be supportive," he added, and turned to look Harry in the eyes, "no matter what."
"You won't tell me, will you?" Harry said with a sigh. "Fine, I'll find out for myself, you know I will."
Lupin sighed. "Just remember that Nathan is only a child and he'll need you, as his godfather, if things go wrong."
Harry looked startled at Lupin. "What are you going on about?"
"I'm just asking you to be careful," the werewolf warned and went back to his dinner.
Harry frowned at his plate. Lupin definitely knew and was trying to hide it from him. Was that another sign that his suspicions were right? Could that wonderful, smart, happy, intelligent boy be... No, nothing beautiful like Nathan could come from… No!
Harry finished what he could of his dinner. Snape was next in his agenda, and he would have to be prepared for that sharp tongue of his. Lost in his thoughts the way he was, Harry didn't notice Nathan observing him from the Gryffindor table.
Nathan was intrigued by the change in demeanor in both Uncle Harry and Professor Lupin. Their conversation seemed to have worried both wizards. Normally, Nathan wouldn't take much notice, but now… He knew his godfather had been very intrigued by his necklace, by the identity of his father, since Christmas. The fact that he'd looked for Professor Lupin, who Nathan was aware knew his father, only made him more attentive to their conversation.
Did Uncle Harry find out? he thought. He didn't know. At that moment, he caught Harry glancing at Professor Snape. Snape! he thought, annoyed. Why does it always come back to Snape? Nathan lost his appetite. That wizard had even taken the part of his father in his dreams. That was disturbing!
Nathan tried to distract himself from Harry's actions, which became impossible when he approached the table. "Hello, boys. Hello, Nathan," Harry greeted. "How are you doing?"
Nathan forced a smile. "I'm doing fine, Uncle Harry. What brings you to Hogwarts?" he asked.
"I needed to speak with some teachers," Harry said. "How are things with Malfoy?"
"He's being quiet since the term started," Nathan assured his godfather. They had talked about what was going on in the school during the school break, and Harry had been very aggravated with what Malfoy had been doing to him.
"I'm glad to hear that. Did Snape punish him?" Harry asked.
"I don't think so, but who cares?" Nathan said.
"I do, Nathan," Harry answered. "I'll make sure he gets what he deserves."
"I don't need you to protect me, Uncle Harry," Nathan said, frowning. "I can take care of myself."
The Potions master strode pass them at that moment, leaving the Great Hall. Harry followed the billowing robes with his eyes, and Nathan didn't miss any move of either man.
"I know you can," Harry agreed with Nathan's last statement. "I still have one last visit to make. Don't forget to write to me once in a while." Harry patted Nathan on the shoulder and left the Great Hall.
Nathan was on his feet the moment Harry disappeared from the doorway. That conversation he wouldn't miss a single word. He took his bag, dismissed his friends' questions, and headed for the dungeons.
Just outside Professor Snape's office, he could hear their voices. As Nathan predicted, Harry was talking with Professor Snape. He took out his wand and murmured, "Alohomora." The door opened silently. Crouched, he searched for shelter behind a table full of vials, probably samples from students to be graded.
"I don't take warnings from you, Potter. Now, leave my office before I decide to hex you out of here."
"You can't keep protecting your little Slytherins," Harry told Snape. "You can't treat Nathan the way you treated me."
Nathan had never seen his godfather so angry. Harry was red with rage, talking between gritted teeth.
"Who do you think you are to tell me how to educate my students?" Professor Snape growled, rising from his chair.
"And who do you think you are to treat Nathan with indifference?" Harry spat back, also on his feet.
"Who do you think you are to tell me how to treat Nathan!" Snape growled lauder.
"I'm his godfather!" Harry growled back, louder still.
"And I'm his father!" Snape all but screamed.
Glass shattered at the back of the room. Nathan stood there, transfixed, staring wide-eyed at the man who'd made that last statement. "You," he whispered. "All the time it was you." He had tears on his eyes.
Severus was shocked, first with his confession to Potter, and next with Nathan's presence in his office. He couldn't even muster his blank mask to cover his shock. Nathan knew; it was over. Severus took a step closer to his son, but Nathan backed from him. Severus took another step towards him.
"Nathan," he tried, but the boy backed away further, staring at him with wide eyes and a hurt expression. Finally, Nathan turned and fled, crying.
Severus closed his eyes. This was not supposed to be happening.
"So it's true," Harry said, coming back from his thoughts, perplexed with Snape's revelation.
"Go find Hermione. Tell her there is no need for a deadline anymore," was all Severus said before leaving his office.