{[WARNING!!!] THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DISTURBING SCENE AND MANY MORE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUED READING IF YOU TRIGGERED. }
The house seems to be a bit quiet and I'm bored. I stared outside the window, waiting for my dad to come home. It's been a few days. When will he come home? Mommy said, if I wait patiently in my room, daddy will come home earlier. I yawned myself and rubbed my half awake eyes and jumped out of the bed. I walked out of my room, the foyer seemed quiet. Maybe mommy's waiting for me outside of the house.
I swayed my tiny foot, searching for her, as I stopped and hid behind the wall. Hm?
I peeked silently, watching her standing in front of the door, kissing someone cheek, is that daddy? Mommy's right! He does come back home earlier.
I smiled wickedly, planning on jumping and scaring him off.
"Anita?" I heard daddy's voice as I finally ran toward them at the door and hugged his legs. I let out a giggle. I looked up. Huh? Who?
I looked at mommy who looked stunned and I followed her eyes and finally saw daddy. I felt so embarrassed that I got the wrong person, and ran toward him crying.
"Daddy!" I'm happy but I'm also embarrassed because I am unable to recognise him. And I miss him.
He picked me up and hugged me tightly. "Who is that?" he spoke. Daddy sounds weird.
And I took long enough to understand. I tried to look at mommy, but my dad held my head gently, not letting me see.
And everything has changed.
The scream and yelling, the vase started to crashing. They hurting each other, everyday. It's getting weird and weird, and I'm scared. Their voice are so loud. Even though I hide under the table, in my room, I still able to hear it. It's weird. Why are they screaming at each other?
I'm scare.
Whenever I tried to peek, he would yell at me and ask me to go back inside the room. I'm scared of him.
I'm scared and I don't understand. As I cried myself to sleep day by day, I kept wondering what happened. Are they hating each other? And when I woke up, dad would be sitting next to me, hugging his knees.
And today he does the same thing too, crying next to me but today he is weeping.
I sat up and pushed my hair backward, "What's wrong, daddy? Tummy hurt?" He looked up covered with tears.
"Sorry, baby. Daddy can't do anything." he hugged me tight and sniffled. I wonder if he had a fight with mommy again? Daddy can be like a child sometimes.
"Mommy mad at you again daddy?" I wiped his tears with my small hands.
"She's gone, baby. She's gone. She left us."
"Why?"
He just stayed silent but I can figure maybe mommy's mad at him because he hit her once or twice. When I go outside, she wasn't around.
She will come back, she just upset.
But she wasn't. She didn't come back.
And since that day, he started to drink, and he never drank any alcoholic beverages before. But now he does. And whenever he's drunk, he starts to raise his hands on me.
Beating me because I reminded him of her, that's what he said. But whenever morning came, he would be on his knees and crying again, asking for forgiveness. He said he didn't mean it. He even promised he won't do it again.
Maybe daddy's hurt too. That's what I thought but as days went by, he didn't keep his promise at all.
'I promise I won't hurt you. Trust me.'
But he didn't keep the promise. He beat me up, healed me, beat me up, healed me, the cycle keep's going on and on.
All he does is cry and get angry.
But at least he is the only one who stays by my side.
I'm grateful for that. Every night, if daddy passed out, I would bring myself to the door, waiting for her to come back.
At that moment, I already realised that, if I ran away, maybe I can be saved, and I would not get hurt. But what about him? What if I broke him too? So I waited more, waiting for her to come back home and picked me, or maybe daddy will stop hitting me if she's come back.
I wonder why she left without me. She must hated me.
I still don't understand.
Today, daddy seems to be outrageously mad that he started to throw everything he can reach and the shattered noises fill the room. He kept asking 'why, why, why' and plopped himself on the sofa. He glanced at me, who was peeking at him. Daddy is extremely angry. Did I do something bad again?
"Why do you have to look like that bitch?" he asked me, coldly, approaching me and dragging me by my hair. "Maybe it's because of your hair."
He started to slam my face on the coffee table with his large hand, and it's nothing new. But he started to punch me too. It's hurt, it's hurt. I keep crying asking forgiveness for whatever it is.
Please don't be mad, daddy.
I'm sorry, daddy.
Please stop, it's hurt.
He took another sip of his vodka, and then he threw the bottle on me, it missed and shattered on the floor. Then he throws his ashtray, and it hits my forehead, causing me to bleed.
I looked at him, he looked stunned by my eyes getting heavier, maybe I'm tired for today.
As I opened my eyes, the room was dark. I assumed it's nighttime. I bring myself to sit up, and look around. As my eyes finally adjusted with the darkness, I could see how messy the room was. I touched my head as my head's throbbing, and my hair seems sticky with something that smells like metal.
I've been laying here, since I lost my consciousness. I stared my hands, there was something on my hands so I sniffed it. What's this? Blood. Maybe daddy's hurt somewhere. Then I looked around again. Where is he?
I wiped my hand on my dress and looked for him.
"Daddy?" I called him as I gathered the strength to stand up again. Maybe he is in the kitchen? I walked to the kitchen. The house is not too big but not small either. I need to heal him again today, maybe if I do that, he will forgive me.
"Daddy?"
Huh?
I could feel my heart beating fast, like how fast it was when I found out that my mom is gone. No, he can't leave me alone! But...if daddy's gone, there will be no more pain.
I walked slowly to the bedroom, hoping he is gone but also hoping he's there, crying himself to sleep.
"Daddy?" I knocked on the door. But silence answered me instead. It's a little strange today, usually he would open the door right away and hug me , asking for forgiveness. I stand on my toes to open the door as I have smaller figures upon my age.
As I pushed the door, I just stood there as I saw his body figures. Hanging.
"Daddy?" I called him. But he never answered.
Deep down, I think I know what he's doing. But...no way right. He won't do that, right?
Right?
And I sat on the chair next to his body while holding his leg for a long time, nudging his pants. I looked up. He looked...
I closed my eyes and looked down.
My hearts keep thumping hard and throbbing too.
The clock was ticking so loudly, so I hugged his leg. I'm scared. It's too quiet but yet so loud. I hide my face against his leg.
And I counted from one to hundred, from hundred to ten thousand until I could count anymore. Until the sun finally peaked in the sky. I looked up.
He is still quiet.
"Are you dead?" I asked him at last, losing all strength and cost. You shouldn't. "Daddy..."
I felt my eyes start to produce some tears. And my heart throbbing in pain. You can't!
"Daddy, you should take me with you too! Don't leave me!"
Please give me an answer. I touched his hand but it's cold. It's cold, no more warmth.
"You really gone, daddy?"
I can't help but keep questioning why. What did I do that made things go wrong?
"You...shouldn't daddy." I looked down to my feet.
"If you're gone, then who else do I have? You're the only one I have, daddy." but he never answered. So I sit there, until my tears dry. I glanced at the window. The sun was about to hide again.
I stood up from the chair and tidied up my daddy's bed. I need to make sure he lays down soon. He can't be hanging up there forever. I saw an envelope on the bed. With some scribbles. "I can't read, daddy..." I shoved it in my dress's pocket, and walked out to my neighbour's house.
That night, it was raining hard, as I ran outside looking for help. I keep falling, and scraping my knees and hands, but I need someone to help me. Please!
It's cold.