I opened my eyes and sat up on my bed, coughed my lungs out. I'm choking. I clenched my shirt and my hair. Shit!
Why do I keep having these dreams these days? I rather see my dead father over and over again, than this one.
"Hick...fuck!" I wiped my tears that kept falling from my eyes. It hurts! It hurts.
'It will be good!'
I covered my ears.
'It will be good.'
Shut up!
'It will be good.'
"Arghhh! Stop it!!!" I kicked the blanket and bawled my eyes out, shrieking over the pain.
"Maddie?" I looked up and saw a lady creaking a door with a tray. Her eyes started to shed a tear. "Oh god!" She ran toward me and put the tray on the bed, hugged me tightly.
"I'm here, I'm here." She patted my head and cried.
"It's hurt...it's hurt...."
"I know, let's take our meds, shall we?"
"Make it stop, please...please! Sister Judy, please make it stop."
"God, Maddie, it's me! I'm Diana. You're not in an orphanage, baby! Look! We're somewhere else. No one can hurt you here! You're safe!"
"Sister!" My head felt like it's about to explode. God!
I pushed her away. My head keeps ringing. I keep hearing that voice. Stop! Laughing, mocking, whispering.
"Daddy! It hurts!" I looked up, he's right there. Hanging in front of me. "Daddy, take me too! I'll be good, I promised. Don't leave me. I'm scared! Bad people hurt me, daddy!" I crawled on the bed, as I tried to reach him.
"Maddie, please! I'm here!" I flinched as she yelled. I tried to run away, but I fell from the bed, so I crawled under the desk instead.
"Daddy...I'm scared." I sobbed myself waiting for my dad to pick me up. Please pick me up, I don't want to stay here.
I flinched again when I felt someone touch me from behind.
"I'm here, princess." A familiar voice. I turned my head and saw his face. I cried harder as I crawled myself into his arms, burying my face on his chest.
"I'm here...I won't leave you, nor hurt you. Don't worry."
I wept inside his embrace. And I felt another hand wrap around me as someone rested ahead behind my back. She bawled too.
"I'm here too! I'm here too, Maddie! I won't leave you, I will stay with you forever."
Diana?
I closed my eyes and drowsed into asleep.
God...if you hear me. I just want the pain to stop. And please heal all of the broken parts of me, and help me to let go of this past. Please help me. Soothes this pain, and replaces it with something better. Please. I begged you. I suffered enough. 20 years is enough.
I begged you!
-------
I gasped as I had another nightmare, but I looked by my side. He's here. I tossed facing him and hugged him closer. I looked at my sleeves, is this his shirt? And I think I only have a shirt on. Did he change my clothes again? Did I pee again? And...Why do I keep having the same nightmare every day, especially when I'm with him but all the pain is gone when he's around too?
Is he the poison that triggered it more or the remedy?
Is it because he gives the same vibe but yet so different?
I frowned as my head was still throbbing.
"Hmm? What's wrong?" His husky voice breaks the silence. It's a soft voice, full of concern.
I shook my head, I don't want to talk about it.
He pulled me closer and rubbed my back. I felt sorry for him. For dating this broken thing. For dating me.
He can't even do anything with me. It seems impossible for me to be in this relationship. I don't deserve it.
I started to cry again. And he hugged me closer, patting my head softly.
"Step up the two of us, nobody knows us, get in the car like skrrt'." I looked up at him, who suddenly sang out of nowhere. His eyes are half-opened, I'm pretty sure he is tired. He took a deep breath before started to sing again. I stop wept even though tears still falling.
"Staying up all night, order me pad thai, then we gon' sleep till noon." He stopped and took a breath again. It's so pitchy and off-key.
"Imagine the world like that!" He suddenly screamed, making me stunned. The heck. I stopped crying. "Weehee! Weehee!"
I burst into laughter, what was that? Did he just shriek?
"What was that?"
"A song!" he said proudly, still sounding like half asleep. He grinned as he bent his head lower, bumping his forehead with mine and his fingers wiped my tears off.
"What song?" I asked, with a hoarse voice.
"Imagine by Ariana Grande."
"Then what is weehee part, it sounds so dumb!"
"Ahh, it's my whistle tone. Weehee!" he said nonchalantly and repeated his so-called whistle tone. He sounds like a drunkard old man, making me laugh even more.
"Hmm, I love your giggles," he said, smooching my forehead. I smiled faintly.
"Ayden...I'm sorry that I'm broken."
He frowned at my sudden words and sat up. I followed him and sat up too.
"What do you mean?" he looked at me while rubbing his eyes. He looked so tired.
"Umm...I'm sorry that I ruined the mood when we tried to do it...I swear it's not your fault, it's just I'm the problem that you have to see some of the embarrassing parts of me."
"What are you talking about?"
I flinched. Did I upset him that much? I looked down at my fingers, fidgeting them.
"Baby, look at me." I glanced at him as he said that. "It's not your fault. I was the one who rushed things up. And it's fine! I love you not because of your body, princess. I love you just because you are you. I love everything about you. And I will try my best to protect you. Okay? We can always take it slow. Don't blame yourself, darling."
I looked at him, the room was a bit dark but maybe since he has these huge windows, the moonlight hit him directly.
I can't help but smile at his astounding appearance.
"What?" he asked, puzzled by my expression.
"You such a sweet talker."
He smiled and leaned on the bedhead, intertwining our hands together as he locked my fingers with his.
"I'm telling the truth and I'm only like this when I'm with you though," he said with a smirk and a sneer.
"Really?" I felt kinda drowsy.
"Are you sleepy?" He looked at me, brushing my hair off my face.
"Hmm...but I want to talk." Because I am always alone whenever I have a nightmare. I never knew waking up next to someone else would be this pleasant.
"Hmm, about what?"
"Anything."
"Anything? Then...who's Jade?" I tilted my head towards him, he sounds...cold. And he did look cold for a while before he gave me his smile. How does he know...wait.
Jade? And…
I looked straight at the door. I think I saw Diana just now. Is it a dream?
"I called her because I have an urgent meeting, but I can't leave you alone and I can't cancel it too. So I went through your phone and called her. But I saw this guy called Jade, called you almost eighty times, with hundreds of texts. Who is he?"
Did he call me? I didn't even bother to look at my phone at all for all these weeks.
I glanced at him, who stared at me like an ice king. But weird enough, I think it's cute. Is this perhaps, jealousy?
"Ahh...him?" I want to tease him.
"Yes, him!"
"My only family I have. He's my brother." He squinted his eyes toward me, didn't believe what I said. "He is Diana's fiancé."
"Oh..." he nodded his head, but why did he have that fainted smile? "Then who's Henry?"
I felt like my heart dropped. How? Where did he hear that? Did I say that name? Did I? Does that name come out of my mouth? I can't recall.
"Weehee!" I looked up when I heard his whistle tone again. He had that straight face, looking down at my hand as he played my pinky.
He took another breath before I covered his mouth with both of my hands. He flickered his eyes toward me, and I know he is smiling below my hands. Even his eyes are smiling.
"Shut...it's late at night."
"Baby, this is a penthouse. No one is going to hear it."
"Well if you scream like that, people would hear it!" I whispered, even though it was just the two of us in this room.
"Ahh, are you afraid of your friend listening to my great voice?"
My eyes widened. She's here? He nodded as if he could hear my thoughts.
"I asked her to stay. It's a bit late."
I buried deep inside his eyes. Is this how he acted when he wanted to change the subject? And I finally noticed that his eye bags are kinda awful. He looked like a person who loves sleeping more than I would. But why do his eyes look darker than mine?
I rubbed his under eyes, with a sigh.
"Is it that bad?" he asked, knowing that he had a bad dark circle, nuzzling her face on my neck, as his hands snaked around me.
"For a sleepyhead, yes." he chuckles. "I'm sorry that I ruined the mood. I thought we could do it. I'm sorry it seems broken and can't give you pleasure as other people would."
He raised his head and bumped it with my forehead.
"You already give me pleasure that no one would, baby. And we can always try to do it when you're ready. Even if I have to wait for thousand years, I don't mind it. Because I love you, and it's not lies on lust, not just attraction, it's indescribable feelings and chaotic, it's beautiful and it's a pleasant feeling that only I know it and I'm sure you can feel it. And don't worry...I will help you replace that ugly memory with the most beautiful one."
I can't help but smile. I wrapped my hands around his neck.
Oh God, I want it so bad! Why can't I get it?
I swallowed my saliva.
"Should we try again then? I want it, baby." I muttered, and for the first time, I called him baby. Yes, I want him, I need him, and I love him. My heart beats faster whenever he is around me, and even more when he touches me.
He looked at me with gape.
"Maddison...hmm that's sexy. But let's take it slow, hm?" He cursed under his breath as he started to breathe heavily. His eyes are on my lips, and I can see his groin started to grow. I know he wants it too but he's holding back for me. Maybe.
I brought my hand and rubbed it over his closed. I want it! I want it now!
Shit, I think I've become such a horny dog. Especially when he looks this gorgeous and his body is dangerous.
And his voice is my favourite.
He moaned heavily and didn't even push me away. I smirk. His words and actions didn't match.
"Ah, mmm fuck! Princess, stop!" He finally grabbed my hand and avoided contact. He pushed my hand and rubbed his face with both his hands. "Please don't torture me...I beg you."
I can see his neck turning red. I let out a giggle.
"You don't want to?" I asked, climbing up on his laps, making him whimper.
"I-No...I don't want you to remember anything, I don't want to hurt you, darling." His hand reached my cheek and rubbed it softly with his rough hand.
"I don't want to see you in pain. So let's stop now. Hm?"
I bend my head a little, making my hair fall over my shoulder, touching his face. He tucked my hair behind my ear, and I can see his eyes fill with desire. That's good enough.
I started to reposition myself and sat on his hardened and moving up and down, sending a sensation to myself. He flinched before me, clenching my shoulders as if he wanted to push me away.
I leaned closer. I could feel the heat from his breath and I rubbed his lips.
"You said you want to help me to forget about every ugly memory." I left a kiss on his lips and licked it, making him panting. I keep moving my hips and let out a soft moan.
"You dirty little princess," he said slowly. He grabbed my head and tilted it to give me a deeper kiss, swirling his tongue and dancing with mine. He pushed me a little and let out a heavy sighed.
"When I said I'll wait...I meant it, princess. I'm a man of my word. So please, help me endure it. Don't tease me, nor force yourself on me. We will try this slowly, step by step. Therefore...princess...let's stop here. Okay?"
I looked at him deeply and he does that too as both of us lost in our gazes.
"What's more important right now is you. And I don't know what have you gone through before, but trust me...I won't let you drown in this painful memory forever. It might take some time, but I will help you with any course. So trust me, and help me too. Because if you keep torturing and teasing me like this, I might be the reason you broke even more, and I don't want that. I don't want to broke you, even more, princess."
I'm speechless. I know that he's trying so hard to hold back and it does make me happy. I smiled at him wider.
"I used to shut myself from all kinds of sounds until I was finally unable to hear anything properly...but weird enough, I always heard you. Loud and clear. And I love it...so much."
"Huh?" he was so confused. Dumbfounded.
"I love your voice, Ayden...so much. I trust you." he's grinning, a confused smile.
"And?"
"I love you too." I finally confessed.
His eyes widened and he let out a chuckle and hugged me tightly. Laughing non-stop.
"I love you more, and baby, please don't tease me too much. I don't want to rush things and hurt you even more. Let's take it easy okay, and whenever you are ready, you must tell me the whole story first, everything, no secret between us, and after that, we can take it a step further. Okay? Don't be so hard on yourself." he rubbed my back gently.
I hugged him back and nodded. I know I'm being such a horny dog right now, but he's right.
"Thank you."