We both lie down on my single bed, staring into the ceiling. We already switch off the light and are now ready to sleep. But the thing is...both of us are still wide awake. And it's quite loud since my apartment has a soundless wall. You can even hear the neighbour walking or closed the door.
Or maybe sneezing or coughing. You can hear people walking in the corridor, people who started the car engine and closed the door. The dog barking and the cat meowing. You can hear people laughing and their TV are on. And some of them yelling and banging the other door, asking them to be quiet. Lucky, my next-door neighbour not having any intercourse. It would be awkward for Ayden to hear them doing it.
For some reason, I think it's funny. Is it always like this? Is this apartment always this loud before? I laughed.
"What is it?" he asked, chuckling too.
"Hm? Nothing, I just wondering if it's always this loud before. I never noticed it." I turned myself on my side to face him. And he did the same, smiling all wide, showing off his dimples. Thank you street light! You just make him even more dazzling in this darkness.
"How was it before?" he asked, swiping my hair behind.
"It was silence."
He frowned a little.
"I just heard nothing," I added even more. "And loneliness will embrace me and night will get colder, and all I can do to escape from it just hugging and clenching into the last letter from my father. And then the nightmare will hunt me down, no matter how many times I woke up and tried to calm down before sleep or no matter how many times I tried to chase them away, they will come back. And when I'm wake up again, the silence greets me and that's how I live my whole life."
He looked into me, he has that serious face, before he slowly curled his lips upward, smiling, weakly.
"May I ask a question?" he asked.
"Go ahead."
"If it's lonely, why are you living by yourself? Why don't you live together with Jade and Diana?" he asked, slowly. I smiled at him.
"I love seeing them happy, and I thought I will be fine too. Maybe it's part of my ego and pride? I don't want them to see much even though they already know much. I just love seeing them happy and laughing and I know, I'll make them worry even more by living by myself. But I thought that I would be fine, back then, I was in my twenty. I thought I will be fine. I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to be the reason Jade stayed. He has a job opportunity, a good one. The payment was better and he doesn't need to work two or three jobs anymore if he goes and grabs that chance. It was like, one in a million chance, for him, who has no educational background. I thought he should go. I will be fine, here. Alone. I can handle myself. I thought, that. And they always pay me a visit from time to time, sometimes every week, every month. Even if they are busy, they will make time to come over, even though it would take four hours to come here. So I thought, it will be just fine. Who knows it was backhanded." I laughed. And he frowned even more.
"But I think I will be better? But if I wasn't, then it's because I'm too broken to fix."
"Princess…you're not broken..."
"I have been emotionally damaged since I was six, Ayden, I saw my father hanging himself in our bedroom, I was abandoned by my own mother and I..." I paused, swallowed hard my saliva, as if I swallowing a thousands of needles. "If... if I'm not broken then what is it?" I said with a feeble smile. He was about to say something but I cut him off.
"But you just make me blooming every day. My heart. It's blooming. And I'm grateful for that, Ayden. Therefore...thank you. Thank you for loving me, and thank you for helping me."
I rubbed his face softly, making him furrowed his eyebrows even more, and he closed his eyes tight.
"I'm fine, now. Don't worry about my past. It's just a past. I can't change it, you can't change it. So don't give me this look, baby. Smile for me." I said, caressing his face softly. He frowning even more, closing his eyes tighter. He even clenched his jaws, I could feel him tensing.
"I wish I could meet you earlier," he uttered.
"Oh, I don't want that," I said with a laugh.
He opened his eyes with a serious face.
"Why?" He asked a simple question but his voice seemed a little shaky. He swallowed his saliva hard, and he held my hand.
"I'm scared that if we met earlier, you would be part of the pain, and I don't want that. I love the fact that we met now."
"How come you said that, I will probably be part of your strength. Your shield."
I looked at him. He looked so cold and frustrated.
"I just know. Because I know, if we met earlier, it would be at the orphanage, and god knows, baby, there's no single good memory there. And that place is hell for me. That place is hell."
"But I'm not an orphan, Maddison. We could meet somewhere else…"
"Where else we could meet? Hm? I was broken everywhere I go in the past. Until I met you. I feel alive. Therefore I'm glad that we met now. I feel like maybe it's time for me to heal. And people say time's heal. So maybe it's worth it? Waiting for years and finally meeting someone who can wreck my wall that I build around my heart to protect me. Or maybe it was me who put down my guard because I trust you? Either way, I'm glad that I met you, Ayden. You pushed me to heal myself. Giving me hope. Thank you."
His eyes turned softer, it's a little sparkly and shimmering, covered with his tears. He cleared his throat first before he started to give me a weak smile and said,
"Then, I'm glad that I am finally able to be part of your life now."
I laughed at him, softly. Enough for him to hear it.
"I always wonder why you fall in love with me. Sometimes I think you're just playing with me." I said. I don't know why but I want to talk tonight. Just anything. Just about me and him.
He chuckles a little, moving closer to me, leaving just a few inches apart. I fixed the blanket to cover him more.
"Umm...I don't think you would remember me, but actually, I knew you're working as a waitress at Phil's. And I was like, okay she's pretty."
"Wait, what?" I started to laugh but somehow it does sound creepy too. He laughed too.
"I'm not a stalker, okay! I swear what happened was a coincidence. I was there for lunch with Susan. We just finished our meeting. And that was my first time seeing you, you are so pretty, but a little too thin. I was like, didn't she eat or something? But that's all. Then, I heard a ruckus and you got into a problem and Susan said she saw what happened. And we were about to stand up, but you suddenly left and came back with quiet confidence. And that's all. I never thought that I would see you again, in front of my door, as my new housekeeper. And I think I fell in love with you at the first sight…" he paused and let out a small laugh. He sounds nervous.
"And that's all," he said, turning his back against me. Is he hiding his face? Did he act shy? Wow. I laughed even more and he turned himself again, facing me.
"I'm addicted to your giggle too, princess," he said, chuckling softly. Ah, I love his voice so much.
"I'm addicted to yours too." I said.
We both stare at each other and smiling widely like a fool.
I blinked slowly as I feel like my eyes getting heavier. Another thing that I realised whenever I'm with him...I'm getting sleepier. Is it because he's a sleepyhead, so for some reason it's contagious, or is it because he looks so drowsy that somehow he makes me drowsy too?
He slowly stroked my hair strands and pushed them behind and he rubbed my cheek softly. And his fingers moved to my ear, rubbing it, make me squirm and pushed his hand lightly, but he held my hand tight, locked it and bring it to his lips and kissed it.
"Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?" he asked with a grin. I laughed at him, once again, I already imagine how my neighbour would bang the door, asking us to shut up.
"We're not at your penthouse...they will kill us," I said with a giggle. He let out a chuckle and move closer, pulled me into his chest as his hands wrapped around my waist.
"Hmm...then I will just sing for you, I won't make my holy glory whistle tone," he said with a serious tone.
"No...stop! People will die if they listen to it." He looked down at me with a grin.
"Because it's too good?"
"You sounds like a cat, a dying cat," I said with a laughed. That was so funny. He is a deaf tone! How come he has the confidence to say that? He pinches my cheek, but it just makes me laughed even more. Until I heard someone yelling 'shut the fuck up" and I think it's because of us, since we keep laughing like idiots.
He smiled wider, as his body started to shake, restraining himself from laughing. He cupping a hand over my mouth, hoping that he can muffle my laughter.
"Don't laugh, baby, someone's going to kill us." He whispers with a half-laugh. I quickly snuggled into his chest, muffling my laughter against his firm chest. I could hear him muffling his laughter too, and his body shaking hard. I don't even know what's so funny but some things inside me keep tickling me to laugh.
I guess you don't need any solid reason to laugh.
"Princess...you know what?" he asked after we're finally calm down from the silent laughter.
"Hm?" I already closed my eyes, almost drift off to my dreamland, hoping that I won't have a nightmare tonight.
"People said, that once we start laughing, we start healing." His huge hand slowly stroked the back of my head, as he leaves a kiss on top of my head. I smiled wider, where he heard that but it makes me happy. I hugged him closer, nuzzling my nose on his collarbone. "I think it's true." he whispered.
"Good night, princess. I hope you'll have a sweet dream. I will be your knight and protect you tonight." he whispers.
A sweet whisper, that gives me some strength and hope to fall asleep and has a nice dream. And even if I didn't have a nice dream...even if it will be another nightmare, I don't mind it anymore. As long as he's here, I know...he will protect me and thus, I will face anything. I will face my fear. Hoping that I won't run away again.