Jade's Point of View
Months passed by, and I think i'm finally doing great. Humupa na rin ang mga taong tsismosa tungkol sa break up namin ni Leroi. It's probably because he started dating another girl again, pero di ko na masyadong inintindi 'yon dahil i've got my own things to focus on.
"...perfect! You did a great job, Miss Garcia." Sabi ng music teacher namin ng matapos ko na ang isang piece sa piano.
Bumalik na 'ko sa pagkaka-upo at nagpatuloy lang ang music classes. And when it was Ruben's turn, nakinig lang ako sa kaniyang pagtugtog. If there's one thing I couldn't move on from, it's Ruben.
Hanggang ngayon namimiss ko ang bestfriend ko.
He's the wound that's so hard to heal. Gusto ko mang ibalik sa dati ang lahat kaso ayaw na sa akin ni Ruben. Ayoko namang ipagpilitan pa ang sarili ko sa ayaw sa'kin. Maybe it's best this way.
Some people just grows apart.
But i'm still thankful for all the good memories I had with him. I'll make sure to treasure them forever.
Nang mag-lunch break na, Bella had to go with her other friends. I didn't mind it since ayaw ko namang maka-abala kay Bella. I really owe her a huge favor, she's been a really good friend. Medyo nakakalungkot lang talaga kumain mag-isa dahil nasanay na 'ko na may kasama palagi.
As I sat at an empty table, I ate my food at peace. Then someone unexpectedly sat with me on this table. Seeing his face gave me the creeps. "H-Hey." Aniya.
I glared at him to make sure he knows that I don't like him. He's the worst. "What the hell are you doing here Austin?"
He gave me some snack like some sort of offering. "Uh, I just saw you eating alone. I hope you don't mind me sitting here with you."
"I actually do mind. Can you do me a favor and go somewhere else?" I can't stand being with him. This pervert stalker have gone too far to piss me.
"Jade, please! I'm here to tell you something, just hear me out please!" He begged.
"Can't you just go!?" Pero namilit pa rin sya. He went closer to me and kneeled down.
Then he desperately talked to me. "Jade, please... I've always loved you, until now! Can't you give me one chance?"
"G-Go away!" Tinanggal ko ang kamay nyang napahawak sa braso ko.
Pero masyado talaga syang mapilit. He still tried to make me listen to his worthless reasons. "...Jade! Please! I just really love you, please don't do this to me!"
"L-Let go of me!" He kept gripping onto my arms which can be considered as harassment. I tried to call out for help but no one was helping. Everyone was just watching this humiliating moment like they were enjoying it...
"---HELP!!"
"Get your hands of her!" Then somebody came to my rescue. Napigilan nya si Austin at tinulak nya palayo sa amin. As I saw him standing infront of me, my tears began to pile up in my eyes again.
"YOU!" Nagalit naman si Austin sa ginawa sa kaniya ni Ruben. He stood up again and yelled back. "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS, YOU ASSHOLE!"
Ruben grinned and looked down at him since he's actually taller. "I can't do that. People are just watching this girl getting harassed. That isn't right, ginawa ko lang kung ano ang tama. And I hope you don't get any wrong idea about this." Tas napatingin sya sa akin.
Muling sumagot sa kaniya si Austin. "You fucking asshole! Just leave us alone!"
"I can leave you alone, but not with her." Hinila naman ako ni Ruben at sabay kaming tumakbo palayo sa stalker na 'yon.
While running away, my tears betrayed me and kept on falling down my cheeks. Nahinto naman kami sa may hallway, where there isn't much people around. Then as he faced me, he still had this cold look on his face whenever our eyes meet.
"T-Thank you..." I told him. Napapunas din ako sa mga luha ko.
He handed me his handkerchief and answered. "You're such an idiot for letting that pervert touch you like that."
"...i-i'm sorry about that." Napa-iwas naman ako ng tingin sa kaniya.
"If he ever comes to you again, don't fucking hesitate to go away. Magsumbong ka rin sa mga teachers. Wag kang tanga."
"Okay..."
Then we both fell silent. Nagulat na lang ako ng iiwan na niya ako kaya't tinawag ko sya. "Ruben! T-Teka!..."
Huminto sya at napalingon sa akin. "What?"
Di ako kaagad makapag-salita. Parang nag-aalangan pa 'kong sabihin sa kaniya ang mga gusto kong sabihin. Ruben doesn't want me back in his life.
He doesn't want me to be with him anymore.
But from what he just did, parang umasa ako... umaasa ako na baka sakaling bumalik kami sa dati. I want to be with him again. I want to talk, eat, and laugh with him again. I miss him too much that it hurts.
"Ruben, can't w-we..." just go back to how we used to be?
Napangisi sya tsaka sumagot. "I told you already, don't get any wrong idea about what just happened earlier. Ginawa ko lang kung ano sa tingin ko ang tamang gawin."
"O-Okay."
"Now if you'll excuse me--
Then suddenly, someone called out his name. "Ruben!" It was the girl he was always talking to. His girlfriend.
Pagkalapit nung babae ay nagsabay na silang lumakad palayo. Parang mas lalo akong nahirapan sa paghinga sa nakikita ko. But I tried my best to stand strong.
Dapat hindi na pala ako umasa. Ruben already cut ties with me after all. There's nothing left to hope for.
Then I just continued the rest of the day like the usual.
Ruben's Point of View
"...hey, am I seeing things or did you just left your girlfriend there?" Tanong ni Eliza.
I kept silent while we were both walking to our clubroom. Talking to her again really made me feel so weird. I just feel like shit right now. I should've just minded my own business back there, but it's like an instinct to protect her.
Damn, sometimes i'm too stupid thinking that I can really let her be like that.
I want to go back to how it used to be... but that would be impossible.
"Uhm, Ruben?"
"Eliza, please. Just shut the hell up." I told her.
Then she did. Thank god.
Sometimes Eliza is such an annoying shit. Ever since she confessed, I can see that's she's trying her best to get closer to me. I already rejected her, but I never thought she'd be the pursuasive type.
I could've gotten rid of her when I tried to quit on the theatre club, pero pinilit ako ni pres na mag-stay dahil may skit kami this december. Pumayag naman ako dahil wala naman na 'kong ibang gagawin at nangako sya na magiging side character lang ako this time.
After the club meeting, going back to class was the same as usual. Everything went smoothly, but it bothered me to see Jade's seat empty.
I don't really wanna give any shit about it, but i'm kind of worried.
Where would she even go?
As soon as class was done. Naghintay muna ako sa quadrangle to wait for my service. Ever since i'm done with Jade, hininto ko na ang pagtake ng school bus. I wouldn't want to be in a small space with her.
While waiting, nag-review na lang ako para sa upcoming exams namin. I did promise to myself that i'll do my best in studying, I don't wanna half-ass anything anymore.
Lalo na't pinapamukha ko sa mga member ng C.C. na kaya kong abutin ang highest rank dito sa school. That I can be the smartest guy that makes them look like bullshit.
They're nothing but a club filled with selfish goals and gambles anyway.
"Wow, it's been a while since i've seen you." A familiar voice said.
Pagkatingin ko sa kanya, his wicked grin didn't fail to make me feel uneasy. This psychopath really gives me the chills. Not that i'm really scared, i'm just too aware of the fact that he's dangerous.
"What do you want with me, Zachary?" I asked him.
He sat at the end of the same bench that I was sitting on. "Nothing, I just saw you and I thought 'why not talk with him?'. Even if you were a former club member of the C.C., kahit papano may pinagsamahan naman tayo, right?"
"You just wanted to piss me off."
"Not really. I just really wanna talk with you."
"But I don't. So go away."
"...are you sure? I think you'll want to hear what I'd say." Napangisi sya't kinuha ang phone nya.
"Tungkol saan naman 'yang sasabihin mo sa'kin?" I asked, a bit annoyed right now.
"Hmm, I bet you already know about August." Natigilan ako saglit, at napatanong.
"Yeah, what about that guy?"
"I know a little bit about your friendship with this girl named Jade, she's also the girl who broke up with Leroi... right?"
"So is Leroi August?"
Zachary chuckled. "I pledged that I won't ever expose any identity within the club. So I can't tell you that, but if you think Leroi is really August, are you gonna get avenge your bestfriend?"
I sighed and took a deep breath. "No, i'm not friends with Jade anymore so it's none of my business. It's her problem, not mine."
"Is that so? Well I guess it wouldn't be a problem for August to make his moves on Jade since you're out of the way." Tumayo na sya't mukhang aalis na rin sa wakas. But before he could leave, may pahabol pa syang sinabi. "To be honest, you're just as naive as anybody else."
"What the hell are you trying to talk about?" I asked.
"I mean, yeah, you're damn talented and smart. But you're to oblivious with your own feelings." Naguluhan ako lalo sa mga pinagsasabi nya.
I just glared at him and told him off. "Just get the hell out of my sight."
"Yeah, sure. Bye." At nakaalis na rin sya.
It kinda made me furious that he just tried to tell me that i'm an idiot. I've already figured that August isn't Leroi. Though I still think that Leroi is also a member of that damn club, and that August is another thing.
August must've been the guy who tried to talk to Jade earlier. I didn't really paid attention to what the guy looks like, but then again, wala na kong kinalaman sa mga problema ni Jade dahil ako naman din ang nagtapos ng pagkakaibigan namin.
As I got home, I've done my usual routine before going to bed. And before I could go to sleep, napabukas ako sa phone ko.
Nakalkal ko ang gallery ko, which is full of pictures of me and Jade. Napapangiti ako sa tuwing naaalala ko ang mga kalokohan namin dati.
"Pfft, ahahaha!" Natawa ako sa picture namin sa may fast food court. Jade had this ridiculous mustache from drinking her melted vanilla icecream, while medyo nakalat naman sa baba ko yung ketchup nung burger na kinakain ko.
Napalaki naman ngiti ko ng makita ko naman ang picture namin noong birthday nya. Binubuksan nya yung regalo ko sa kanya, and I remembered that she was really happy with my gift. I actually gave her a collection of plushies from her favorite anime.
Then another picture made me smile. It was still us in the picture, nakasimangot ako rito pero bigla nyang hinila ang magkabilang pisngi ko to form a smile on my grumpy face. Nakatawa lang sya sa'kin habang ginagawa sa'kin yon.
My smile faded as I remembered that I had to get rid of these. I think it's time to let go of all of this and start anew.
Pinindot ko ang select all at kasunod ang delete button. That's that, I guess.
"I'm officially getting over this shit." I murmured and gone to sleep.
Two months later
"...everything that they had seen and heard was just as they had been told." Then the guys who were playing shepherds got out of the stage.
Then that was it. The christmas skit we were all working hard for finally ended. The audience applaused and I was ready to leave. I decided that I won't attend the after party for this play.
Habang nagliligpit ako ng gamit ko, nilapitan ako ni pres para kausapin. "Hey, aalis ka na kagad Ruben?"
"Yeah, may gagawin ako sa bahay." I lied. Gusto ko na din na magpahinga.
"Eh?! Ayaw mo kumain muna sa party mamaya? Maya-maya ka na umalis."
"Sorry pres, but I really have to."
"Ang kj mo talaga." She pouted. Then unexpectedly, lumapit sa amin si Eliza. "Hey guys! Another successful play, congrats sa'tin!" Aniya.
"Yeah, congrats." Sagot ko.
"Tsk, pagsabihan mo nga 'tong boyfriend mo Eliza! Gusto na umuwi, tatakasan yung after-party natin." Sumbong ni pres kay Eliza.
Napabuga ako ng hangin dahil nabisto ako ni Eliza. Dapat pala nagmadali ako. "What the heck, Ruben!? Aalis ka na kagad?"
"Yeah, kailangan ko na umuwi." Sagot ko.
She frowned and tugged on my sleeves. "So iiwanan mo talaga ako noh!? Di ka aalis hangga't di kita pinapayagan." Why are girls so fucking manipulative!?
"Eliza naman." I sighed.
"No means no, Ruben! Sabay tayong uuwi mamaya." Aniya.
Then I had no choice but to be with her until the party ended. Looking at Eliza enjoying the party, napangiti na lang ako. Atleast she's happy.
I suddenly remembered how we became a thing.
She was just too pursuasive, and I think she did a great job trying to make me like her.
flashback
Halos araw-araw tuwing papasok ako sa club, Eliza kept on talking to me kahit na pinaparamdam kong ayaw ko syang kausapin. She's quite stubborn and annoying, pero sadyang mapilit din talaga sya. "...then pres said that you were supposed to be one of the shepherds."
Napahinga ako ng malalim bago sagutin si Eliza. I'm so pissed right now dahil sinusubukan kong i-enjoy ang katahimikan at pahinga ko, pero ang epal lang ni Eliza.
This may be harsh, but this is the best solution I can think of to get rid of someone so annoying as her. "Eliza, can we... can we talk for a sec?"
"Y-Yeah, ano namang pag-uusapan natin?"
"You still like me right?"
She went silent for a little while before she answered. "Yeah, I still do."
"I already rejected you."
"And I still like you." Aniya.
Napakunot ang noo ko. "Ano ba kasing nagustuhan mo sa'kin? How did you even liked me?"
She smiled. "Would you like me back if I tell you the reason why?"
"No." Sagot ko kagad.
Nabura ang ngiti sa kaniyang labi. "Ouch, pwede ka namang sumagot ng 'maybe' or 'baka' kahit hindi naman totoo."
"Ayokong paasahin ka." I know how much it would hurt to hope for something that would never happen.
She tried to smile again, then made a little distance between us. "So wala talaga akong chance sayo? Grabe ka naman. Even though I already expected this, I still wanna try to make you like me." She looked at me and I can see that tears were starting to form on her eyes.
"Yung araw na inamin ko sayo na gusto kita, alam kong sinabi ko na i-re-reject mo rin ako and you actually did. But I never said that i'm gonna give up my feelings for you. At mas lalong lumakas loob ko nang malaman ko na hiwalay na kayo ng girlfriend mo." Napapunas sya sa kaniyang mata.
"Maybe it was wrong trying to make a move on you. Maybe you still love her. Maybe I can never be someone you'll like... i'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore." At tuluyan na syang umiyak.
I was kind of frozen in my place. Seeing a girl cry made me feel messed up-- is it because of 'her'? Or is it because I got scared hurting Eliza's feelings?
Simula non ay di na ko ginulo pa ni Eliza. Then she wasn't energetic in performing her role in the play. I would often catch her staring at me. And then it just made me feel so messed up inside.
It was late when I realized that I was getting too distracted with this feelings when I'm doing other things.
Nang hindi ko na kinaya ang mga nararamdaman ko, wala ako sa sarili nang lapitan ko si Eliza. Nagulat din sya ng makita akong nasa tabi nya. "R-Ruben?"
"...let's talk." Lumabas kami ng clubroom namin para mag-usap.
"What's this all of a sudden, Ruben?" Tanong nya.
Napalunok ako. Para akong lutang at di makapag-isip ng maayos. Habang nakatingin sa kanya, di matanggal sa isip ko ang hitsura nya noong umiyak sya sa harapan ko. Then I suddenly spoke out of impulse.
"I'm giving you one chance." I told her.
Nagtagal ng ilang saglit bago nagsink in sa kaniya ang ibig kong sabihin. Her eyes went huge from surprise. "A-Am I hearing this right?"
"You are... I really am giving you a chance, unless you already gave up on me-- you know what, forget about this. This is stupid---
"N-No!" Bigla nyang sigaw.
"What?"
"I-I mean, I'll take the chance! Please let me go out with you!" She had a look full of hope. Somehow, she made me feel calm and relaxed. Nawala ang pagkalutang ng isip ko.
end of flashback
Although deep inside my mind, a question lingers. Tama ba itong ginagawa ko?
"Ruben!" Eliza suddenly called.
Lumapit sya sa akin na may dalang pagkain. "Come on, try this stuff! It's so good!" At bigla nya naman ako sinubuan ng walang sabi.
Tinawanan nya lang ako at napakurot na lang ako sa kaniyang pisngi bilang ganti.
I can't deny that i'm happy with her, but I can't deny the other things that bothers me. I don't like her the way she likes me, and she's really nothing but a replacement to make me feel at ease.
to be continued