The next morning...
The luminous sun pours through the cracks and into the blinds, awaiting entrance into my eyes. My sight still in the clutches of the night's glue, I gently rub the dreams away.
"Did you sleep well, angel?" Negan asks staring down at me. I jump at the sight of him, the way he was standing there is kinda creepy like he was watching me sleep.
"It was okay" I give him a small smile.
He smiles back but in a fashion that only makes me more suspicious. It's easy for me to tell when he is hiding something, he gets this particular look in his eyes.
"That's great honey. I'm glad." he shifts back and forth awkwardly. Silence falls upon us until he climbs into bed with me.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" I raise an eyebrow at him.
He clears his throat, "Carmen, she's...gone"
My eyes widened to the point of practically falling out of my head. "you mean, Jackie? She ran away?" I say panicked.
Negan's face drops even more and he reaches out to hug me but I leap out of bed before he can. "Well what are we waiting for, we have to go find her!" I yell, pulling at his arms but he remains unmoved.
"No, it's not that. She's dead."
I shake my head mutely. He's lying, this isn't real, "Don't say things like that!", I try to slap him but he catches my hand.
"I'm so sorry, I wish I could have done something," he whispers softly, pulling me into his chest.
Realization comes in waves. She's gone forever, death is permanent. All the things I wanted to say to her have no meaning anymore. I won't ever see her again. "h-how did it happen?" I finally work up the courage to ask the scariest question.
"she hung herself," he explains rubbing my back as my head rests against his chest.
I take a moment to catch my breath, the fact that she committed suicide is what eats at me the most.
"How didn't I see the signs?". I was her best friend, I should've been there.
"Don't do that to yourself, this isn't on you" he holds me tightly.
"No, she trusted me. I haven't been making time for her lately. I've been too caught up with my own problems". We were all each other had especially when my issues with Negan began. I can't help but beat myself up over it.
"Baby, everyone has their own life to live. She probably felt trapped in whatever she was going through, you couldn't have helped her" he says to comfort me but it doesn't help at all. Tears stream from my face wildly. My heart is in a million pieces, I haven't felt this type of pain in such a long time. Its the type of pain that feels like anger.
"Fucking Simon" I murmur under my breath clenching my fist. It was him, he did this to her. If she was never with him she would've never done this to her self.
I stand up from the bed and scramble towards the door but before I can make it Negan is right behind me grabbing me by my arm, "Wait, where are you going?"
"To tell Simon that this is all his goddamn fault!" I shout with the rage of an irrupting volcano.
I try once more for the door but he keeps a hold of me, "Carmen you can't do that" he says with despair like he doesn't want to hurt me.
"Why the hell not?" I narrow my eyes looking for an adequate explanation as to why I shouldn't go tell him off right now.
"That's his wife, You can't blame him for something like this. From what I've seen he's really taking this hard"
So I should feel sorry for him? that's the best joke I've ever heard in my life.
"That's shitty! Simon never loved her, he did nothing but hurt her. I saw the aftermath first hand and you did too!" I push him away from me. He knows all about what Simon did but now he wants to wash his hands of all of it and act like he doesn't know anything.
"Listen I don't want to argue but I can't let you do what it is your trying to do" he tries to approach me again but I take a step back.
"What else do you want from me? You know how much I hate him. I sat back and watched him do this, I can't stand idle anymore."
He glares at me frustratedly and hesitates for a moment before he speaks, "So what do you expect to come from this? I'm sorry to say it but it's too late. Nothing will change what happened, we can't go back in time."
"You're right we can't go back in time but we can right our wrongs in the present" I continue to stand my ground. I won't compromise on this.
He sighs loudly then sits on the edge of the bed, "How exactly do we do that?"
"We do to him, what he did to her. If she has to die then so does he. It's only fair" I assert confidently and without remorse, folding my arms across my chest.
"That's crazy Carmen and you know it. My right-hand man is a crucial part of what I'm trying to build here"
Same old Negan. Only caring about the Sanctuary and his stupid plans.
"then give Dwight the position. He could do just as good as him." I suggest with much dismay. I can't believe he wants to talk about the Sanctuary right now.
He has no verbal reaction to my idea, all he does is stare at me like what I have to say is silly. "Don't look at me like that. I'm trying to make this right. I at least owe her that". I roll my eyes and storm out of the room.
"Carmen-" he tries to stop me but I close the door before he can utter out the rest of his sentence.