I briskly walk down the hallway looking back to make sure he isn't following me though perhaps he's right about what he said. Simon was her husband even if I despise him but I can't help the feeling that I should've done something sooner.
When I get to the staircase at the end of the hallway I hear two male voices. I stop immediately. I don't wanna deal with any shit right now. I don't know how I might react.
"Yeah, I heard they found her swinging from the light pole"
I hear one of them speak, I mind instantly goes to Jackie. That has to be what they're talking about. I grind my teeth. Suicide is a joke, these people around here have absolutely no morals but I shouldn't be surprised.
"that's gruesome man! I wish I could've seen it myself"
My eyes drip with tears, the walls that hold me up is the only thing that keeps me from collapsing. Moment by moment, they fall. Salty drops fall from my chin, drenching my shirt but I do what I can to stay quiet and listen. I don't know why I want to subject myself to this but I feel like I have to. I have to know everything I can find out.
"It was pretty awesome and It's not like seeing a walker, it's even better."
Awesome? My best friend is gone and that's all they can say. Fuck these guys and honestly, at this point, the whole Sanctuary can fuck off too.
I turn the corner now looking down at them from the top of the staircase, "you sick assholes! I hope you burn in hell!" I yell, taking them by surprise.
They look startled for a second but one of the men doesn't take long to give me a snarky remark, "well sorry it's not our fault she wanted to off herself" he taunts.
This man has some nerve, I'll show him what happens when you get on my bad side.
I descend the stairs with fierce fire in my eyes. He doesn't back down he stands tall as I get closer to him. He has no idea what's coming.
When I finally get in arms reach, I take my opportunity and throw a left swing. The punch connects slightly but doesn't do much damage. I'm not the fighting type but my old group Olympia has taught me a few things about hand-to-hand combat. I at least have the proper form.
"You psycho get off me!" He tries to push me off of him but I keep throwing hits to his head. They're not quite punches anymore, they are more comparable to slaps.
"Oh shit, she's gonna kill you man" The other asshole dude laughs as he stands back and watches the whole thing.
The man struggles to get control of me but I keep fighting him back. I kick, bite and do everything I can to hurt him as much as possible. He knows he can't really hurt me since I'm Negan's wife so I have the advantage in this match.
Our tussles echo through the building, it doesn't take long until someone comes rushing over to stop us.
"Carmen! Carmen! What the hell are you doing?" Opie appears out of nowhere wrapping his arms around me and pulling me back up the stairs.
I resist his efforts but with him being so strong it's pointless, "This jerk was making fun of Jackie!" I tell him after he finally manages to get me back up the stairs.
"Come on just calm down. We'll let Negan handle this" he tries to tame me but I'm not ready for this to be over, I'm filled with emotion and this is the perfect way to let it out.
"No, not this time, I want to handle things for myself." I try to push past him but his big body stands in my way. I beat one of their asses now I just need to get to the other one.
Opie uses all of his strength to pin my arms behind me as I shout profanities. The two assholes don't do anything but stare us down but I'm not intimidated.
"Stop, please. You're making a scene!"
He yells in my ear but that doesn't stop me. I don't care about my so-called 'image'. I wouldn't care if the entire Sanctuary was here and witnessed all of this.
He grunts like a beast and swings me over his shoulder as if I'm nothing more than a ragdoll. His frustration with me has to be at an all-time high.
"Opie Put me down! Now!" I kick and scream as he carries me only a few feet to his room.
Ugh, he's gonna want to talk about this, isn't he? That's the last thing I wanna do right now.
"Sit down" he throws me onto his bed. The mattress is soft so it isn't a hard fall.
I take a few seconds to gather myself and put back on a tough face. I'm vulnerable but I don't want to show it.
"Mind telling me what that was all about?" He sits next to me and drapes his arms around my body.
"I told you. They were talking shit." I murmur, looking down at the floor. I have to admit it, that situation was a little embarrassing but that doesn't mean I regret it.
"I know but this isn't like you, your not a violent person" he strokes my arm softly.
He's right, this isn't who I am but I don't even feel like myself especially not lately it's like one thing after the other, "I don't know who I am anymore. I feel... like a shell"
"Look at me" he cups my face in his hands, "I know I haven't known you for that long but I can say this. You're still you Carmen. All this shit will pass, the grief and everything else".
I hear all the words that he's saying but I don't know if they're true. The grief I'm going through feels like it will last forever.
I sob into his chest unceasingly, hands clutching at him. I have no regard for messing up his shirt, I'm living in the moment. He holds me in silence, rocking me slowly as my tears soak his chest. I'm breaking down more and more, Opie is the only person I can trust to be this way with other than Nate. He never judges me for showing emotion.
"I feel so alone like she abandoned me. We talked so much but I never picked up on this" I lift my head from him.
He shakes his head at me, "You still have Nate, I know things are complicated but maybe Negan will let you see him if he sees how much you're hurting"
That would be nice but I can't really entertain the thought, "he'd never. He wants me to be over him"
We share a look between each other. It's clear I'm right about this.
"um, well even if that's true, Jackie wouldn't want you to give up. Your strength is what she loved most about you" he says changing the subject.
"I'm not strong Opie. I'm a mess" I point at his shirt that is completely wet with my tears. A strong person wouldn't do that.
He looks down at himself then back at me, "crying doesn't mean you're not strong, it means you're human"
Hmm, I never thought of it that way...
____________________________________
In what feels like only a short moment, an hour passes of our conversation. It consisted mainly of Opie telling me all the reasons that I should push through all the pain. It's refreshing to hear true encouraging words but this can't last forever. I've been gone for a while Negan is probably wondering where I am. I have to get back before he comes looking for me.