I reluctantly step into the room with absolute despair plastered on my face. Negan notices me and walks up slowly, he pulls me close to him wrapping his arms around me. His embrace is warm, and his big, strong arms are protective around my frail body. The world around me melts away and all I can do is imagine it's Nate touching me.
The pep talk Opie gave me has made it a little easier to cope but I still feel a dark cloud floating above my head.
"I'm here for you whenever you need me" he kisses my forehead softly. I rest my head on his shoulder and breathe in the scent of his fragrance. The slight hint of vanilla reminds me of how much fun Jackie and I had making homemade ice cream in the kitchen downstairs.
I brake free from his grasp with an exhausted sigh, "I'm tired", I say as I stumble towards the bed. I'm more emotionally worn than anything. It's only mid-morning but I mentally feel like I've been awake for far too many hours. Grief is a hard battle to fight.
The rest of the day I spend laying in bed walking the line of asleep and awake. Negan brought lunch up to our room but I didn't eat any of it. My appetite is nonexistent but I did appreciate the effort. He kept checking up on me all through the day but he also gave me my space. I wanted to be alone and just have time to think.
____________________________________
The next morning things are still melancholy but at least now I feel well enough for the breakfast that Negan brought me. Its nothing special, just eggs and toast but I'm starving from yesterday.
"I got to get back to business. Hilltop is calling daddy's name right now" Negan says searching through his wardrobe for clothing.
He's going back to work already? It's weird to think everything can ever be normal now that Jackie is gone. I think this to myself but I keep quiet and finish eating the rest of my food.
He pulls out his leather jacket and puts it on his back
"I'm taking Simon with me so you don't have to worry about him, all you need to focus on is feeling better"
I inwardly rejoice, nothing would've been worse than for me to have to avoid him the entire time that Negan is gone. "Good. I couldn't promise what might happen if I ever got him alone".
He glances at me like a parent on the verge of punishing their child, "Yep that is exactly what I'm preventing. I already got too much shit to get straight around here".
A small smirk comes over me, I was partially joking but not completely.
"It's an overnight trip, you won't have to miss me too long" he swings Lucille over his back.
A night to myself is appealing, I won't miss him one bit, "It's fine. I could use the break".
He smiles at me before bidding farewell, "See ya sunshine"
____________________________________
Negan:
In the haze of the afternoon, I can feel my loose shirt start to cling to my back. The blazing relentless sun is so serious that even the birds are silent and the grass stands still as if too hot to move.
"Goddamn, it's hotter than satan's balls out here!" I wipe the dripping sweat from my brow.
"No fucking lie there" Simon retorts as we work on loading the trucks with the boxes of supplies we collected from Hilltop
It's a rarity for me to be doing the dirty work but I want to get this done as quickly as possible. There's a lot on the agenda for today.
"While I have the opportunity, I wanted to talk to you about something Simon." I stop what I'm doing momentarily to speak with him man to man.
"That's cool with me, what's up?" he lifts a box into the trunk then turns to me.
"Nothing major just wanted to check in on you. Losing Jackie must be hard, it never gets easier losing a loved one"
He shrugs his shoulders, "I'm getting by. It sucks not having someone to make sure my laundry is done the way I like it but hey what can I do"
Jackie's dead and that's all he can think of? Shit, he is definitely a piece of work but I'm not judging.
"Jackie was a great woman. I can't remember a time where she wasn't willing to help someone out " I pat him on the back to show my support.
Simon grins at me, "You took the words right out of my mouth. She made my life so easy but there's always more fish in the sea".
Hmm, already looking for another girl? No one heals from grief that quickly, "That's a way to look at it I guess, staying positive never hurt anybody"
He continues working as I watch him closely, examining his mannerisms. "That's me these days. No use in being depressed, I still have a life to live and I'm gonna make the best out of it"
Red flags pop up in my head, a feeling of uneasiness comes over me but I need more information before I can jump to conclusions, "Good for you. Strength is what everyone needs right now".
____________________________________
Carmen:
later that night...
A small knock on the door shakes me out of my slumber. I sit up in the bed and glance over to where the sound is coming from. I'm not expecting anyone especially not this late.
The knock comes again but a bit more frantically. My heart races but I find the boldness to get out of bed and see who it is.
I crack open the door leaving a small opening, my heart drops to my stomach.
"Nate" I whisper his name excitedly and pull him in. This is the perfect time, Negan is gone for the night and I don't have to worry about Simon or anyone else coming around.
Before I know it, he devours my lips passionately. He kisses me like I've never been kissed before. His arms encircle me, making me feel like everything is alright.
"How have you been holding up?" he pulls away from the kiss, scanning my body from head to toe.
"I'm fine, what about you? he doesn't have you doing anything dangerous does he?" I worry. I haven't had any updates about what's been going on with him. I've been trying to stay out of trouble like you wanted me too
He takes my face in his hands and gazes into my eyes, "you know I can handle anything he throws at me, you don't need to know the details. I need your mind right for what I'm about to ask you next"
"Go ahead, the anticipation is killing me" a glimmer of excitement comes over me. I don't know what he wants to tell me, I'm just happy to be with him right now.
He smiles nervously before he gives me the news,
"Carmen. I thought of a plan to get out of this situation but I thought I should give you a decision in this. Do you want to stay here?"
He has a new plan? I thought we agreed to do this the less risky way by playing nice with Negan. "what do you mean? We don't have anywhere else to go and he wouldn't let us anyways"
I mean do you want to sneak out of here. The opportunity is crystal clear tonight. Negan and most of the saviors are gone it wouldn't be hard to sneak out.
"We would have a head start, we could head west. I heard there are more communities out there" he explains optimistically but it does nothing to calm my worries.
"God, I don't know. If he ever found us I can't imagine what would happen" I dismiss the idea. I couldn't forgive myself if anything went wrong.
My eyes shift to the ground sadly but Nate consoles me, "That's fine if that's how you feel, be honest with me because I still have plan B"
"I hope plan B isn't as dangerous as plan A" I brace myself for another one of his crazy ideas.
"I was able to get some people together that hate him just as much as we do. He's one man, it wouldn't be hard to take control. He runs a sanctuary through fear, that's his only advantage."
My ears can't believe what I'm hearing, "An overthrow? That's crazy Nate. How do you even know you can trust those people? Negan has eyes everywhere"
I hope that I can make him reconsider. Both of his plans sound like they will lead to a horrible ending.
"They're good people, I trust them. It's something I've been thinking about for a while I wouldn't just come to this possibility lightly" he stands confidently.
It's apparent that he put a lot of effort into plan B. Being able to organize people to go against Negan isn't an easy feat. I have to at least hear him out.
"What's the plan exactly?"
His face lights up instantly, "I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of everything, I don't have a completed game plan yet. I wanted to give you the option before I got the ball rolling"
Everything about this spells disaster. One stupid decision and it's all over. Plan B is like playing with dynamite but I'm not entirely sold on the idea of running away either.
"I need some time to process this Nate" I embrace him tightly. His skin rubs against mines in a familiar way that reminds me of the days before things became so complicated.
He runs his fingers through my hair and plants a kiss at the top of my head, "I understand. I don't expect an answer now".
I deeply inhale and exhale. This is the latest addition to my list of stressors but its truly inevitable. Nate wasn't gonna let Negan get away with this for long. It has been building up and now Pandora's box has been open...