I felt numb. I felt number with every push I feel inside of me. I gave up screaming ages ago. I gave it up the moment I knew what life I had to put up with for the rest of my life. "Yes," I heard the man moan in pleasure behind my miserable dark life, pressing more of his weight against me. "Good girl."
This has been my life.
I froze and stared at the ceiling under the sheets unable to compose my thoughts – unable to express them without feeling a knife over my neck. I couldn't even feel my heart anymore. All I feel was my blood rushing up to my head, to my brain, to my foot, to every finger, to every muscle and vein inside my body. It wasn't a good feeling.
Smoke. There was smoke all over the room again and I can feel them linger down my nostrils – constantly irritating my throat but I make no sound. As if my voice were gone. As if I don't feel anything anymore. "You did well, my child. This is why I really take care of you." At this point, I couldn't even tell if he was holding me elsewhere but I knew he was. I was just too senseless now. "11. Tonight. If you bail, you know what happens."
This is unfortunately my life.