Natagpuan ko na lang ang aking sarili na muling nandito sa loob ng kwarto.
After he succeeded with his plan of making me feel so terrified, without hesitant, he made my way back here. What's worst? Nilagyan niya ng posas ang kaliwang kamay ko. The other end of it had been locked on to the headboard of the bed while the other had been cuffed on my left hand. I am really sure na nagdidiwang na sila ngayon lalung-lalo na siya dahil nagtagumpay sila sa plano nilang pagbantaan ako. Kasalukuyan akong nakaupo sa pinakasulok ng kama habang nakataas ang dalawang binti at yakap-yakap ang aking sarili. For the first two days that I had been living here, they never did this not until I attempted to escape.
I'm starting to hate each and every one of them. Ipinapamukha nila sa akin na kontrolado nila ako dahil nandito ako sa teritoryo nila and that's how I exactly feel right now. I've never felt something like this lalo na noong magkasama pa kami ni Philip, sa kanya hindi ko nagawang mangamba pero dito oo. Speaking of senator, I truly want to know kung ano ng kalagayan nila ngayon. Kung nakakatulog pa ba sila ng mahimbing o mas masaya silang namumuhay ngayon dahil sa ginawa nila sa akin.
Simula ngayon, kakalimutan ko na lahat ng koneksyon na meron ako sa kanila. But all those things they did to me? I'll never forget every single one of it.
Napatingin ako sa pintuan nang bumukas ito at hindi na ako magtataka kung siya ulit ang sasalubong sa mga mata ko. Napatingin ito sa pagkain na nakahapag sa lamesa na nasa tabi ko bago nito ibinalik ang tingin sa akin, "Godfather already gave you freedom in this house but it seems like you don't deserve that anymore. So don't stare at me that way as if you never attempted to escape," pahayag niya nang samaan ko siya ng tingin.
"Are you really trying to kill yourself in hunger?" tanong pa niya. Tumingin na lang ako sa ibang direksyon dahil mas lalo akong nakakaramdam ng galit sa tuwing nakikita ko siya.
He already pointed his gun at me, what else can he do?
"As you heard from Godfather, everyone in this house shall take my command when it comes to you. You're under my authority now Serenity, are we clear?" nakatayo pa rin siya sa gilid ko and I know that he was wearing that serious look on his face again.
"And what makes you think na susunod ako?" nakakaramdam man ako ng takot pero kagaya nang ipinaparamdam ko kay Philip, pipilitin kong ipakita sa kanilang lahat na kung nagagawa man nila akong takutin, hindi nila ako magagawang pasunurin kaya diretso ko siyang tinignan.
"You might not want to obey us but you will surely do it when you think that you really need to. We don't demand people to obey because they intentionally submit themselves to us in the end. Whether you like it or not, you'll surrender anytime sooner. Mark my words, Serenity."
"Pero iba ako sa kanila," bahagya kong inilapit ang mukha ko sa kanya, "I will never submit myself to people like you," matapang kong saad, "Why were you so convinced that I'd be like them whoever you were referring to?" dagdag ko pa.
"Because I am not as soft-hearted as my father," sandali akong natahimik dahil sa isinagot niya.
"Since from the first place, all of you were not."
"What makes you think that way?"
Madalas kong marinig ang pinag-uusapan nila dad, Philip at ng iba pang mga detectives na madalas pumunta sa bahay ni Philip, "What you do every day, every hour and every minute is nothing but an act of pure deviance. You kill innocent people just for your own sake and money. Wala kayong pinagkaiba sa mga kriminal na nagpapakainosente. Tama naman ako hindi ba?" sarkastikong tanong ko.
"Now tell me, ganon ba ang gawain ng isang mabuting tao? Soft-hearted person you say? I am somehow thankful that you did not hesitate to tell me the truth about who you really are. Once the army find out about this place, you may not stand even a single chance against them."
"That's why you are here, Serenity Gale," muli akong natahimik at ang galit na nararamdaman ko ay napalitan ng pagkalito dahil sa isinagot niya. Ipinatong nito ang isang kamay sa lamesa habang ang isa naman ay sa kama at bahagya itong yumuko. Inilapit niya ang mukha sa akin kaya napaatras ako.
His addiciting smell entered my nostrils. I hardly stopped myself dahil tila gustong lumapit ng katawan ko sa kanya dahil sa amoy nito. It was like a drug to my body... kagaya ng nangyari noon.
"They would not seek to commence an attack as long as we have a bait against them," muli kong nakita ang bahagya ngunit masamang pagngisi nito bago lumayo sa akin para umayos ng tayo.
Was he actually referring to me as their bait?
Napailing na lang ako, "That would never happen," I might have a connection to the general and the senator, pero imposibleng magagamit ako laban sa kanila. What might be their plan? Seems like they are so determined about it. Are they just waiting because everything has been planned? Dahil base sa nakikita ko, walang halo ng pagkabahala sa mukha niya.
How could I possibly be useful to their plan?
"Now eat," seryosong pahayag nito, "Didn't your parents teach you not to waste food?"
"I have no parents," diretsong sagot ko sa kanya na ibinaling ang tingin sa ibang direksyon.
"Then I'll be the one to teach you. Whatever is served in front of you, even if you don't feel the appetite, you should just take it not for yourself but for the person who has given her efforts to make you feel better," kusa akong napatingin sa kanya, "From now on, I don't like to see any remains on your plate," saad nito. It was more like a statement that you should never defy.
"What if I don't really like to eat?" saad ko pabalik na bahagyang nagtaas ng kilay.
"I am not asking for your permission to eat. I demand you to eat. There's a significant difference between the two," dahil sa sinabi niya, isa lang ang napagtanto ko.
"You're just like them. Telling me every time who to follow and what to do," wala sa sarili kong saad.
"Who? Your family?" natigilan ako sa pwesto ko nang dahan-dahan siyang umupo sa harap ko at inilapit ang kamay niya sa akin. Muling sumilay sa paningin ko ang sarili kong asawa kaya naisip ko na baka katulad ni Philip ay dadapo rin ang kamay nito sa akin, kaya napayuko ako dahil baka kung ano ng gawin niya sa akin not until I felt his hand tucked my hair under my ear kaya dahan-dahan kong ibinalik ang tingin sa kanya. Kulang na lang din ay manginig na ako.
"I am not like them, because I am worse than them and I am the worst of them all."
"I hate you," mahina kong saad habang matatalim ang tingin sa kanya.
"I love it when you hate me more, amoure," sagot niya. Dahan-dahan itong tumayo hanggang sa tuluyan siyang lumabas ng kwarto at isinara ang pintuan.
Amoure? Parehong-pareho talaga sila! I hate all of them! Since from the start, all of them did not do anything but to cause me so much pain. Sa sobrang galit ko sa kanya ay tila namamalikmata na lang ako na makita ang bahagya nitong pagngiti kanina bago siya tumayo. Ano pa bang pakielam ko don?
Ngayong nakaposas ang kamay ko, I won't be able to do what I want. I could really feel that I am a captive. They have lots of weapons hiding underground, it only proved that they are really vicious people. I might not really know all the things about them pero iisa lang ang alam ko, they have an illegal organization. It only means that I am not safe here at kahit anong oras, pwede nilang gawin sa akin anuman ang gustuhin nila. But there's only one idea that I know, my father still doesn't have an idea about this mafia.
They know something about El Nostra but not this A de la Alpha.
While thinking deeper, something popped out in my head. When overthinking strikes, I'm always like this. Tandang-tanda ko pa ang sinabi ni Erin sa akin.
" ...12 am onwards, wala gaanong nagbabantay at nagpapahinga ang lahat."
Pero nang mahuli nila ako dahil sa natamaan kong vase, why did I see them just like they were already there waiting to catch me? Imposibleng nagpapahinga sila ng ganon pa rin ang suot nilang damit. They were wearing suit while sleeping? No, that's too impossible. There must be something wrong na hindi ko pa alam. But I had to wipe the thoughts away dahil kahit hindi ko natamaan ang vase, they would still know because of this g*ddamn bracelet.
Muli akong napatingin sa pintuan nang bumukas ito. Speaking of. It was Erin. Dire-diretso siyang pumasok at lumapit sa akin habang nakakibit-balikat at bahagyang nakangiti. Tila dahil sa tuwa ay hindi na rin niya nagawang maisara ang pintuan— na ngayon ay hindi ko masabi kung bakit ganyan ang itsurang ipinapakita niya. The way she looks at me, ibang-iba sa Erin na inakala kong tutulungan ako sa pagtakas. It was her, the first Erin that I saw when we first met. Siya yung babaeng galit na galit sa akin thinking that me and her husband did something just because her husband went into my room first after he got home. Hindi ko naman kasalanan 'yon. In fact, it was her husband's choice.
"How does it feel to be a total captive, Gale?" base sa tono ng pananalita nito ay natutuwa siya sa sitwasyon ko ngayon kaya pinanliitan ko siya ng mata, "I knew it. You liar," mahina ngunit may bahid ng galit kong saad habang nakatayo siya sa harapan ko.
"Do you really think that I'd help you escape?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya.
"Well, there was really a part of me na gusto kong makatakas ka dahil ayaw kong magtagal ka pa rito," unti-unti namang naglaho ang ngiti nito at sinamaan din ako ng tingin, "But I know that it won't happen," inilipat niya ang tingin sa bracelet na suot ko bago muling ibinalik ang tingin sa akin.
So alam niya rin pala ang tungkol dito? She deceived me.
"That's why I had to convince you to escape and make you believe that I am a friend. Unti-unti na nilang naipapakita ang tunay nilang ugali sa'yo, Gale. The longer they keep you here, the more you will be convinced to side with them and I won't let it happen," nagsalubong naman ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya.
What does she meant tungkol sa tunay nilang ugali? I will be convinced to side with them? Oh no, that won't happen. Nahihibang na ba ang babaeng 'to?
"What was your real motive when you pretended to help me?" tanong ko.
"My motive?" bahagya naman itong natawa, "This," tinignan naman niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa, "I want you to suffer more than me," ako naman ang natawa dahil sa sinabi niya, "Really? You're living your life full of luxury, you have a daughter and a rich husband. You live in a mansion. You almost had everything. Is that how you suffer? Anong kahibangan 'to, Erin?" hindi na lang ako makapaniwala dahil sa mga rason niyang wala namang patutunguhan.
"Oh and one thing?" maayos akong umupo sa kama at ibinaba ang dalawa kong paa sa sahig. Ipinatong ko ang dalawang kamay sa magkabilang-gilid at diretso siyang tinignan na nakatayo pa rin sa harap ko, "You weren't abused, were you? Your husband didn't do something like that," ilang segundo kaming nagkakatitigan bago siya nagsalita.
I knew it. She also had to lie about her husband. I can't believe this!
"Of course not. Why would he do that, Gale? My husband is not that kind of a person. 'Tanga' na lang ang taong maniniwala tungkol doon," pagdidiin pa niya na nakapag-painit sa akin. Alam kong naging tanga ako sa mga salita niya but at least now, I know not to believe her.
"He's not that kind of a person yet you managed to tell a lie about him and accused him of such thing?" saad ko pabalik.
Dahil doon ay humakbang pa siya papalapit sa akin, "I had to do it," yumuko siya para mas tapatan ang mukha ko, "Tingin mo ba hindi ko alam? He brought you to Senyora's kitchen and he also brought you to code 8. I won't step down seeing my husband with another woman who's just a total captive," may tono rin ng panggigigil sa boses nito.
"If that's what you really think about us, wala na akong magagawa," napangisi ako ng masama nang maalala ko kung paano sila nagkasagutan na dalawa, "Now I know why your husband is acting like that to you. Baka nakakalimutan mong mas malala pa sa sitwasyon ko dito ang nararanasan ko kay Philip? I completely understand your husband now, huwag mo siyang bigyan ng rason para iwan ka," pahayag ko na ikinainit pa niya.
Naramdam ko na lang ang pag-iinit ng pisngi ko nang sampalin niya ako kaya ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kanya na ngayon ay galit na galit na sa akin, "Wala kang karapatan na pagsabihan ako ng ganyan. Hindi niya magagawa 'yan sa akin dahil may anak kami. Just by your words, alam kong gustung-gusto mong iwanan niya ako para masolo mo siya pero huwag ka ng umasa dahil hindi 'yon mangyayari," natawa na lang ako dahil doon.
Ibang klasi talaga ang utak ng babaeng 'to. Bakit naman ako magpapaapekto, hindi naman totoo ang sinasabi niya. Her jealousy was completely out of place, just like what her husband said.
Idinuro pa ako nito dahil sa sobrang inis at galit niya, "Tandaan mo na habang nandito ako, wala kang maaagaw sa akin ni isa and you won't be able to enjoy any of your time here," banta niya.
"I am not enjoying my time here, Erin. So please leave the hell out of here kung wala rin namang katuturan ang mga pinagsasasabi mo," sagot ko sa kanya. Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin bago ako tuluyang tinalikuran ngunit bigla siyang natigilan habang nakatingin sa pintuan. Napatingin na rin ako roon at nakita ko si Senyora na nakasandal sa may pintuan na halatang kanina pa nakikinig. Nakakibit-balikat siya at bahagyang nakayuko, "Did I hear just right, Erin?" Erin's face was seemingly tense nang tignan siya ni Senyora.
"You told our visitor that your husband did such thing?" may pagtataray sa boses ni Senyora na tila naging katulad na niya ang asawa at anak niya. Nakita ko naman ang panginginig ng kamay ni Erin na ngayon ay parehong napakuyom.
"N-no, tita. Why would I do that?" sagot naman niya. Halata rin ang kaba sa boses nito.
Nilapitan ni Senyora si Erin at nabigla na lang ako sa sumunod nitong ginawa. She slapped Erin on both of her cheeks dahilan para mabigla din siya sa ginawa ni Senyora sa kanya. Napahawak ito sa isang pisngi niya at ibinalik ang tingin kay Senyora na ngayon ay matalim na ang tingin sa kanya, "Unang-una sa lahat, hindi ako bingi. I heard your conversation at hinding-hindi ako nagkakamali sa narinig ko. Ears can't lie, right Erin? Kaya huwag mo akong gawing tanga," galit na saad niya kay Erin.
"I-I'm sorry tita— "
"I told you not to call me tita. It's Senyora, Erin. I am Senyora," saad niya na ikinatango ni Erin. Napayuko na rin ito, "You should just be thankful dahil pinapayagan ka pa naming maglabas-masok dito sa mansyon just because of our granddaughter Melody," inumpisahan naman niyang iduro si Erin at kitang-kita ko ang sobrang pagkamuhi sa mga mata ni Senyora.
"Never ever accuse my family again, Erin. Dungisan mo ang pangalan ko pero hindi ang pangalan ng asawa ko o ang sinuman sa mga anak ko. Nagkakaintindihan ba tayo?" pagbabanta niya.
I didn't see Senyora that time. Parang ibang tao siya.
"Makakarating sa asawa ko ang tungkol dito. Never let my son know about what you said, baka mas malala pa ang gawin niya sa'yo. Umalis ka na ngayon din sa harapan ko kung ayaw mong pangalawahan ko pa ang pagdapo ng palad ko dyan sa pisngi mo," kalmado ngunit alam kong nagpipigil sa galit si Senyora, "Y-yes, Senyora," pahayag ni Erin na agad ring pinunasan ang mga luha nito bago tumakbo palabas ng kwarto at isinara ang pintuan.
Ginawan niya man ako ng mali pero hindi ko maiwasang maawa sa nangyari sa kanya. She didn't have to lie like that. She made it too far. Naiintindihan ko rin si Senyora dahil masakit para sa kanya ang ginawa ni Erin and I felt guilty dahil naniwala ako agad.
Hindi ko namalayan na habang malalim ang iniisip ko ay nakaupo na si Senyora sa tabi ko, "I'm sorry if you have to witness something like that again, Gale," pahayag niya na muli nanamang hinawakan ang isang kamay ko, "Wala ka ng nakita sa bahay na 'to kundi puro away at gulo," dagdag pa niya kaya bahagya akong ngumiti.
Actually, hindi ko alam kung alin ba talaga sa dalawa ang totoong ugali ni Senyora. Is it the one talking to me now o yung kausap ni Erin kanina? Or maybe may mood swings siya? Uh, I don't know. They really have a masks kaya mahirap alamin kung mabait ba talaga sila o nagpapanggap lang.
"I understand. Natural lang naman po na maramdam niyo 'yon because of what she said to me..." napayuko na lang ako, "And I felt guilty dahil agad akong naniwala sa lahat ng sinabi niya kaya ko binalak na tumakas," muli ko namang tinignan si Senyora na bahagya ng nakangiti ngayon. Somehow, I felt relieved.
Tsaka ko na iisipin kung sino at ano ba talaga ang ugali niya. I will surely find out soon.
"At least now you know, Gale," tila bigla naman itong napaisip, "Alam kong naguguluhan ka pa rin hanggang ngayon. You might really want to ask many questions but they still remain unanswered in your mind. Erin will do anything to make you despise us the way we despise her at kung sakali man na mapaniwala ka niya sa lahat ng sasabihin niya, I don't have the rights to control what you should believe. You're still free to choose. Gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yo that whoever you want to believe, I hope you won't regret your decision in the end," pahayag niya sa akin. Nakita ko rin ang pag-aalala sa mga mata nito. Just like a mother who cares about her daughter— she really resembles my mom.
"Senyora, what if..." sandali akong natigilan, "What if I want to learn how to trust you? Do you think I'd regret trying?"
"Why don't you try to trust yourself first?" tanong niya na ikinakunot ng noo ko.
"You're having a hard time trusting people because you can't still trust yourself. You're having what ifs and that question only proved that you don't trust yourself enough for surpassing every failures. What ifs are part of our life but they must not be barriers in life. Whatever kind of choices you're gonna choose, don't forget that there will always be consequences. Hindi mawawala 'yon. You won't know not until you try. You always have to sacrifice risks in order to gain something," dagdag niya. Ibinaba niya ang kamay niya at tumayo sa harapan ko. Humarap naman siya sa bintana na nasa tapat ng bedside table at nagkibit-balikat, "I also understand her," mas lalo pa akong nagtaka dahil sa pag-iiba niya ng usapan.
Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa akin, "I mean Erin," muli naman siyang napatingin sa labas, "Somehow it's true na unti-unti na naming naipapakita sa'yo ang totoong pagkatao namin. She knows who we really are dahil kung paano ko siya tinrato dati, ganon din ang pagtratrato na nakikita niyang ginagawa ko sa'yo ngayon."
Muli niyang ibinalik ang tingin sa akin, "She's starting to feel so insecure dahil ang mga bagay na meron siya dati, tingin niya napupunta sa'yo when in fact, it's only because of her insecurities and jealousy. Her reasons make no sense. May mga bagay lang talaga na hindi na maibabalik sa date."
"I want to know why she thinks that way to me," sagot ko.
"Then you should try knowing each of us here para masagot lahat ng tanong mo, Gale."
Should I really try to trust them? Siguro nga kailangan kong subukan para malaman ko. Kagaya ng sinabi niya, whatever choices I make, there will always be significant consequences.
"Trust yourself first then trust me. If you're finally able to trust me, then I'll teach you how to trust my family. In exchange you also have to prove us that we can trust you too," nakita ko ulit ang isang ngiti mula sa mga labi niya.
Gusto kong masagot ang lahat ng tanong ko. And it will only happen when I get to know the real them.
"You're here because you're the only one who have the ability. Use the Alzini mafia the way they are going to use you," nagsitaasan naman ang balahibo ko nang banggitin niya 'yon, "Is that enough for you to try harder?" unti-unti naman akong napangiti dahil doon.
That's enough for me to try harder getting to know the real them.
Continua...