N A M J O O N
I was two weeks into training. It didn't take long for my therapist to refuse to let me train with the other guards or guards to be. So Jhope was given the job seeing as he didn't trigger anything with me and I was used to him since he was my roommate.
I was currently in the training room, punching a punching bag. Jhope beside me, watching my form and correcting me when I did something wrong.
I loved it, punching the bag. It made me feel powerful, like if my father was still alive I could have beat him with only my fists. If my sister was alive I could have protected her better than ever. Suddenly Jhope's voice drowned out and it was only the bag I was focused on, just punching and punching, faster and harder.
I felt arms wrap around me and I jerked back with my elbow. The arms tightened and I heard a faint groan as my hearing came back.
I stopped thrashing and the arms left.
I turned to see the slightly worried gaze of Jhope, "I think it's time to move to something else."
I shook my head, trying to calm myself. The last thing I needed to do was break down in the middle of training, especially when I was getting so much better.
The rest of training was a blur and as soon as we got back to the room I called first shower and sat under the cold water for a few minutes cooling off and calming my racing thoughts.
My father's face kept flashing into my mind, my sister's lifeless face, my mother's unloving, dazed gaze. I was going to have another attack.
I took deep breaths trying to thing of anything thing else. Instantly Jhope came to mind. I was confused as to why he was my first choice but with more thought of his concerned gaze from earlier and continuous kind behavior, I was fine.
I finished up in the shower and went to my room to get dressed.
Jhope got in the shower and came out ready to work, "I have the night shift, I'll be back when you wake up. There is food in the fridge if you get hungry." He said and walked out the door.
I was then left alone with my thoughts which wasn't so bad for once.
I ate a little before going to sleep.
* * *
"Namjoon." I perked up at the sound of my mother's voice, "Do me a favor would you?"
I didn't really talk much to my mom anymore, only my little sister. I didn't say anything just waited for her to tell me what she wanted, it wasn't like I could say no. She would never hurt me but my dad would and she wouldn't stop him.
"Go get mommy's stash from the cabinet would you?"
I was ten and Yoona was four, I had just got her to bed and I was about to go to bed myself but of course, my mom was too fucked to get her drugs herself.
I went to her drug cabinet and got her weed, it was all she had left she would be going to her dealer in a few days to get some more.
I handed it to her and went to my room which was in the laundry room because I let Yoona have my room.
I had just started to drift to sleep when I heard the door open. I pretended to be asleep like I always did when my dad came to visit, but it rarely worked.
"I know your awake." My dad's raspy baritone voice made me want to shiver in disgust.
"Go away." I tried.
He said nothing and climbed onto the mattress. I started to kick and punch like I always did but he was bigger and stronger. He tied my flailing limbs up and proceeded to touch me.
"Namjoon." He said as he did it, "Namjoon." He said again.
"Namjoon." My eyes flew open and I went to punch the person who woke me. I could feel myself go into a panic attack. My heart raced, my breath shortened.
"Whoa, hey, calm down." It was Jhope.
He gently touched my shoulder but I flinched away. He tried again and I didn't flinch. It was only as I let him touch me that I realized he had been speaking.
"It's alright, breathe, Namjoon, breathe."
I did as he said, and slowly got my breathing back to normal, calming my racing heart beat, "Thank you." I whispered.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
I was far from it, I didn't think I could ever be 'okay'.
"No." I answered simply.
He said nothing else which I was thankful for and he went to go sleep.
I checked the clock and saw that I would have to meet with my therapist in a few hours.
J H O P E
A week and a few of Namjoon's panic attacks later, Namjoon was doing really well in training, and he was good at keeping focus and not letting his mind wander to his past. In a way I think training had become an escape for him and it was working.
Right now Namjoon and I were sparing. I felt my chest swell with pride like a teacher with their successful student. Namjoon was getting better. He was sloppy when we first started training. He could punch and he had strength and endurance, he just had no technique and that's what you needed to get a successful, clean hit as well as avoiding other hits and getting blocked.
Namjoon finally had that technique he was lacking and his drive to do well with this was the reason why.
Namjoon had yet to go through the weapons training because he first had to be cleared with his therapist and I had to okay it as his trainer. Though I could say I trusted him, Namjoon was still unstable and we had to make sure he wouldn't go crazy if we gave him a weapon.
After another half an hour of sparing I called it a day.
"Your getting good Namjoon ." I offered a small smile as I took a sip of my water, using a towel to dry my face of sweat.
Namjoon nodded, "Thanks."
We walked back to our room and I let Namjoon have the first shower while I got stuff ready for dinner. Thankfully I didn't have to work tonight, I had to get some sleep because I, along with many other guards, were going with Jeon to his last business 'meeting' as mafia leader. He would be stepping down after that and letting his son take over.
I would be gone for four days. I was a little worried about leaving Namjoon alone but I reassured myself that he would have his therapist and I had already made some stuff for him to eat while I would be gone so he wouldn't starve. I felt like his mother, but then again I don't know if he had a very good one.
Namjoon got out of the shower and I hopped in after telling Namjoon simple instructions that he needed to follow for dinner while I was in the shower.
I quickly washed my hair and body and got out to see that Namjoon had done exactly as I instructed, "Thank you." I said and finished up dinner.
We sat down and didn't talk much, "So you'll be okay while I'm gone right?" For some reason I felt like he had become dependent on me, but I could have just been making it up in my mind.
He nodded, choosing speak as little as possible like always. Some days I'd get more words out of him than others.
We finished dinner and Namjoon did the dishes.
"Goodnight, Namjoon ," I found myself saying.
"Goodnight, Jhope." He said and I went into my room and went straight to bed.