THE GIRL WHO CAN'T DATE
16
Pumasok ng bahay si Ira na nanginginig at nanghihina dahil iniisip niya ang seryosong mukha ni Skye. Nag-rereplay sa utak niya ang mga salitang sinabi nito sa loob ng taxi. She had this ghastly feeling na nakaka-cringe. She closed her eyes then shook her head at pinagsabihan ang sarili.
"THAT was soooo weird! Snap out of it Ira Micole! Lasing lang yun. Heeee! Sa susunod, wag na wag ka ng makikipag-inuman ulit sa kanya. Naiintindihan mo?"
"You okay?" tanong ni Eros na nakaupo sa sala. Nagbabasa siya ng libro habang naka-crossed-legs when he noticed his sister coming in.
"Yeah. I am!" Ira gave an awkward smile.
"Bakit ang pula mo?"
Hinawakan ni Ira ang mukha niya. She felt hot but she never thought na pupula siya. Actually, she never thought a change of color would go noticeable after all she's morena.
"Aaaah. Uminom kasi ako... with my colleagues."
"With Maggie?"
"H-ha? Aah. Y-yes." She lied. "Akyat na ako kuya ha?"
Nagtataka man sa kinikilos ng kapatid, hindi na niya ito inusisa at hinayaan nang umalis. But then, he took his phone and called Maggie.
Papasok si Ira sa kwarto niya nang lumabas naman si Orion sa kwarto nila. Magkatapat lang ang pintuan ng kwarto nila kaya imposible talagang hindi sila magkasalubong. Then, she looked at him hoping that her brother would pause and talk to her, but he walked pass by her na hindi man lang siya pinapansin.
Ngunit hindi niya pinalagpas ang pagkakataon na yun upang makausap ang kapatid.
"Alam mo bang may girlfriend si Stelios? Do you know Kirsten Pillar?"
Napahinto si Orion at nilingon ang kapatid with a worried face.
"Alam mo na? Sinabi ba ni Stelios sa'yo ang tungkol sa kanya?"
Kumunot ang noo ni Ira in disappointment.
"So you knew? And you didn't tell me?"
"Ate! Binalaan kita di ba?"
"NO! YOU – DIDN'T – WARN - ME! Instead, you made me feel that I was doing something terrible!"
Orion's face was apologetic. "Okay! I know I said some offensive words but hindi ko intensyon na iparamdam sayo na mali ka, na mali ang ginagawa mo o mali ang feelings mo. Pero, ate, pinagsabihan kita. Sinabi ko naman sayo diba? Na wag si Stelios?"
"ION!" tumataas na ang boses ni Ira. "I asked you! Tinanong kita kung bakit. But you never gave me a sensible reason. You should have told me that Kirsten exists. Kung alam ko lang? Di sana, pinutol ko na agad! Nagmukha pa akong tanga, eh! Nagmukha pa akong kontrabida. Third party! Alam mo? Di ko gets! Ba't di mo sinabi?"
"I'm sorry, Ate! I just don't wanna sound na parang naninira ako kay Stelios. Ayoko rin na magkasira kami. And hindi ko rin naman masabi sayo na may girlfriend siya kasi technically, that moment na may something sa inyo, hiwalay na talaga sila ni K. But the thing is on and off ang relationship nila. I just knew na magkakabalikan pa rin sila because that's how they are for three years."
"At ngayon mo lang 'to sinasabi sa 'kin when the damage has already been done? Umasa na ako sa wala. Nagmukha na akong tanga. You know what's more disappointing in you? Mas pinili mong magkasira tayo kesa sa magkasira kayo ng kaibigan mo." Ira held her hands in the air in surrender. "But what do I expect from you? You never really cared about me!"
"THAT'S NOT TRUE, ATE!" nanginginig sa galit si Orion at nagpipigil na wag maiyak.
"Really, Ion? Kasi all my life that's how you made me feel!"
Ira went into her room and slammed the door shut dahil naiiyak na siya at ayaw niyang makita yun ni Orion. Napaupo siya sa sahig and she burst into crying. That confrontation wasn't supposed to happen but it did. She was supposed to keep how she truly feels towards her brother but she didn't.
And what's worse about getting hurt? It's the feeling of guilt for hurting her brother's feelings. Alam niya yun. Alam niyang nasaktan niya si Orion. Alam niya kung paano masaktan ang nakababatang kapatid. Alam niyang how emotional and sensitive he is. Alam niya dahil kabisado na niya ang expresyon nito sa mukha. After all, she grew up looking after him. She grew up na siya ang inaalala dahil bata pa siya nang mamatay ang mama nila.
And there on the floor, she wished she never told him about how she felt.
Later that night, hindi makatulog si Ira. She was obviously emotionally distressed. Habang nakatingin siya sa bintana, somebody knocked on her door.
Hindi niya pinansin. Hindi siya sumagot.
"Ira?" Aries voice can be heard from the outside. "Ako 'to. Kuya Aries mo. Kung gising ka pa, pwede ba tayong mag-usap?"
Ira weaved a sigh. Di siya sigurado if she wants to talk. Pero alam niya na kung may isang tao man na pwede niyang hingahan, it would be Aries. Ilang minuto rin siyang nag-isip, pero tumayo rin si Ira at binuksan ang pinto.
Aries was waiting patiently. His arms crossed while leaning at the wall. He gently smiled at his sister.
"Okay ka lang?"
Hawak-hawak ang knob ng pinto, umiling si Ira at di napigilang umiyak na parang bata. Nilapitan siya ng kapatid at niyakap. Dahil sa yakap na yun, lalo pa siyang napahagulhol. Hinayaan na muna ni Aries na matapos ang pag-iyak niya bago sila lumipat ng balcony para mag-usap.
Maliwanag ang gabi dahil sa laki ng buwan at medyo malamig din ang hangin dahil "ber" month na ng mga panahong yun. Nakayaka ang dalawa sa sahig habang nakatingin sa ulap.
"Alam mo kuya. Alam ko naman na..." lumunok muna ito ng laway bago nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. Her voice was breaking dahil naiiyak pa ito. "... napaka-petty ng problema ko. Ang babaw ng rason ko para magalit kay Ion. Pero kuya, kahit maliit lang yung problema ko, kahit walang kwenta pa yun, nabibigatan pa rin ako eh. Ang bigat-bigat ng feeling kasi nagpatong-patong na lahat. Di ko magawa ng maayos yung trabaho ko. Nag-over react ako dahil sa isang lalaki. Nakipag-away pa ako. I feel like... I'm stupid. I'm reckless. I'm incapable. Unappreciated. Failure. Alam mo yun? Yung halo-halo lahat ng emosyon, yung sakit, yung guilt, yung awa sa sarili, yung galit..."
Ira was crying again. Aries remained calm and gentle. He placed his arm on Ira's shoulders and let her lean on his.
"Walang maliit o malaking problema, Ira. What seems small to us may already be big and heavy for you so I won't invalidate your feelings. And your feelings are telling you that you are human after all. Isa pa, Ira, hindi lang naman ikaw sa mundo ang nagpakatanga, nasaktan, nakasakit at nagkamali. So, don't be too hard on yourself."
"Kuya!" Ira sniffed. "Masama ba akong kapatid?"
"Bakit mo naman nasabi yan?"
"Eh kasi... si Ion eh. Pakiramdam ko ayaw niya sa 'kin."
Natawa saglit si Aries. "Alam niyo, kung kelan kayo tumanda saka pa kayo nag-isip na parang mga bata. Do you know that Ion thinks the same?"
Napalayo si Ira sa hawak ni Aries at nagulat sa rebelasyong narinig.
"What?"
"Pareho lang kayo ng nararamdaman. He once told me na naiinis siya sayo kasi he felt unappreciated. Feeling niya ayaw mo sa kanya. You know what, I think may misunderstanding lang kayong dalawa. You both feel unappreciated and disliked. At dahil may unmet satisfaction and expectations, you both resolve to hurt each other with your words, kaya lagi kayong nagbabangayan..."
"Pero mahal ko naman siya, kuya eh!"
"I know! And I'm sure si Ion din feels the same." Natahimik si Ira at napaisip ng malalim sa sinabi ng kapatid. "You know what. Let your feelings subside first. Give yourselves some time and space. Tapos kung ok na, mag-usap kayo. Okay?"
They both stood up. Aries gave his sister another warm embrace and assured her. "Magiging okay din ang lahat."
"Thank you, kuya!"
"Always welcome, Ira Bear!"
At Grayson University...
"Huy, gaga!" bati ni Maggie nang dumating ito ng faculty room sabay hila sa pigtailed hair nito.
"Araaaay! Bakit?"
"Saan ka galing kahapon?"
Lumaki ang mga mata ni Ira at kinabahan. "Ha? What do you mean?"
Maggie placed her bag on her table. "Duhh! Bigla ka kayang nawala sa despedida party ni Miss C!"
"Aah! Umuwi ako ng maaga."
"Sinungaling!" Maggie crossed her arms and looked at Ira with a raised eyebrow. "Tinawagan ako kagabi ni Eros at tinanong kung saan tayo nag-inuman kagabi, and I was like-- inuman??? Girl, di tayo nag-inuman kagabi. And no drinks were served at the party last night."
Napatayo si Ira sa kanyang kinauupuan at humawak sa braso ni Maggie. She lowered her eyebrows and protruded her lips. "So anong sinabi mo? Anong sinabi mooo!"
"Of course I got you covered!" sagot nito with matching rolling eyes.
Tumalon-talon naman si Ira at niyakap ang kaibigan. "Awwwe! Thaaaank you!"
"Gaga ako sa pag-ibig pero matalino naman akong tao." Maggie stroked her jaw and peered her eyes. "Naisip ko na baka may kasama kang lalaki kagabi at ayaw mong ipaalam kaya ka nagsinungaling sa kuya mo. So tell me, were you out with Stelios last night?"
Kumawala sa pagyakap si Ira at nag-iba ang timpla ng mukha. Bumalik ito sa kanyang upuan at nagbisi-bisihan. Nilapitan naman siya ni Maggie at kinulit.
"Nakipag-inuman ka sa kanya? Nalasing ka ba? Nalasing ba siya? Ano? Did you kiss?"
"HELL NO!" napataas ang boses ni Ira. Everyone looked at her. She gave an awkward smile and lowered her head. Then, she whispered. "Whatever Stelios and I have, that's over!"
Maggie grabbed her seat para makichika. She was quite shocked. "What do you mean it's over?"
"Like wala na! Di na kami nagcha-chat at di na dapat kasi may girlfriend siya." Habang nagkukwento ito, she realized something. Her eyebrows furrowed and she was really suspicious. "Teka nga lang! Kuya called you? That means you have each other's number?"
Maggie was still in shock sa ibinalita ni Ira that she wasn't able to process the question. "Whaaaaat? He has a girlfriend???"
"Are you and kuya a thing now? So nagtatawagan kayo at magka-text? Kelan pa?"
"Ibig sabihin niloko ka ng gagong yun?"
"Nagliligawan na ba kayo?"
"Ira, sagutin mo nga muna ang tanong ko!"
"Sagutin mo rin kaya yung akin!" Ira is getting irritated now.
"K! Fine! My answer is HINDI!" sagot ni Maggie.
Kumalma si Ira at sinagot na rin si Maggie. "And my answer is oo!"
"THAT DOUCHE!!! When did you find out?"
"Kahapon lang." Ira arranged the things on her table and took the ones she needed in the class. "I saw him with his girlfriend sa coffee shop."
"Oooow! That explains your mood yesterday!" Maggie realized.
"Yes, girl!" Ira answered with a sarcastic face.
Sabay na lumabas ng faculty ang dalawa upang tumungo ng gym. Isang assembly ang magaganap bago magsimula ang klase.
"Anyway, alam mo bang iaanunsyo nila today kung sino ang papalit kay Miss C sa pagiging MAPEH Coordinator?"
Napatingin si Ira sa kasama. She didn't know about it. Bigla siyang kinabahan nang malaman ito. Alam niyang palpak siya lately ngunit hindi ito nawawalan ng pag-asang mapili bilang bagong MAPEH Coordinator.
Lahat ng mga mag-aaral ay nakatayo ng tuwid at tahimik na nakahilera ayon sa kanilang grade level. Samantalang lahat ng mag teachers and staff ay nakaupo na sa stage. Mabilis umakyat ang dalawang dalaga sa stage upang sumama sa hilera ng mga guro.
"Good morning!" bati ni Mrs. Pimentel, ang principal ng Grayson University. "This week has been a great and successful week thanks to the MAPEH Department who organized the MAPEH Day Event. Congratulations to the winners of all competitions especially to the seniors who were hailed as the overall champion."
Pagkatapos batiin ni Mrs. Pimentel ang mga seniors, naghiyawan ang mga ito at pinalakpakan naman ng lahat.
"I see you are doing very well and making a lot of great memories for your last year. That's nice!" Muling nagpalakpakan ang mga estudyante. "Today, we will also be congratulating another person in the room. Di lingid sa kaalaman ng lahat na Miss C just had her graceful exit to attend an important priority, her family. Thus, kailangang may pumalit sa kanyang position. And we are pleased to announce the chosen coordinator who deserves the replacement. I have heard a lot of commendable feedback about this teacher and could also tell myself na totoong magaling, matalino at responsible siyang guro. Do you have your personal guesses?"
Nagbulungan ang mga mag-aaral, nagpalitan ng kanilang mga hula. Samantala, nakapirmi ang mga titig ni Ira kay Mrs. Pimentel, nanalangin habang ang mga kamay ay mahigpit na magkahawak sa ibabaw ng kanyang kandungan.
Samantala, ang katabi nitong si Skye ay tahimik namang nakikiramdam. He was constantly checking on Ira too.
"Alright! Without further ado, let me call on our new MAPEH Coordinator! Congratulations..."
Ira crossed her fingers and pressed her lips hoping to hear her name. Everyone was anticipating the name too.
"...Mr. Skye Doromal!"
Ipinikit ni Ira ang kanyang mga mata, tila nabibingi sa palakpakan at hiyawan na para sana sa kanya. Pagdilat nito, Mrs. Pimentel was shaking hands with Skye. Though she wanted to stay sport and be happy for Skye, it di niya mapigilang malungkot at mainggit.
Nang matapos ang assembly, nagsibalikan na ang lahat sa kanya-kanyang classroom. Matamlay namang tumungo ng faculty mag-isa si Ira dahil wala pa naman itong klase. Habang naglalakad ito sa hallway, naparaan siya sa opisina ni Mr. Fuentes. Di niya alam ang nararamdaman. Parang gusto niyang mainis at magtampo, ngunit naisip din naman niya na hindi dapat.
Habang tinitingnan nito ang pinto ng opisina, bigla itong bumukas at dumungaw si Mr. Fuentes.
"Miss Pardilla! I was about to see you."
"Good morning, sir!"
"Come in!"
Pumasok si Ira sa loob ng office at naupo. Hindi niya magawang tingnan si Mr. Fuentes pagkatapos ng anunsyo. She admittedly felt bad.
"I hope okay ka lang sa naging resulta ng coordinatoship."
"H-ha? Aye opo. Okay lang ako. Di rin naman ako masyadong interesado." Pagsisinungaling nito.
But deep inside, what she really wants to say is, "Okay? Talaga? You think magiging okay ako? Di mo ko kinausap pagkatapos ng gulo tapos biglang may desisyon ka na sa coordinatorship?"
"Well. That's good! Still, I wanna explain to you the basis of my decision. Ira, magaling ka, matalino at responsible rin naman. Halos magkapareho lang kayo ni Mr. Doromal. However, kahapon, you didn't handle the situation too well. And matagal ko na ring napapansin sayo yan na you always resort to reacting rather than responding. You see, coordinatorship is more than just a position. It is an opportunity to lead. In leadership, mahalaga na alam mo how to handle people and how to handle pressure. In other words, you have to do something with your attitude, Ms. Pardilla, especially with your frustration control and temper."
Ira hid her hands inside the pockets of her jacket and clenched it. She felt bad about Mr. Fuentes' remarks.
"But still, your talent won't go to waste. The administration decided na magiging assistant coordinator ka ng MAPEH Department."
Sa kabilang ng nararamdaman niya, pinilit pa rin nitong ngumiti kay Mr. Fuentes.
"Noted po yan, sir!"
"Okay! I hope we're good. Anyway, other than that, may isa pa akong pakay sa'yo."
Kumunot ang noo ni Ira. "Ano po yun?"
"My niece is going to be an intern here in Grayson University. MAPEH course kasi ang kanyang kinuha. And I have chosen you to be her critique teacher."
Sa gitna ng kanilang pag-uusap, may kumatok sa pintuan at dumungaw ang isang magandang binibini. Palangiti at may dimples sa pisngi.
"Hello! Good morning!"
"There you are! We were just talking about you! Come in!" Ira looked at the guest and her jaw dropped. "Miss Pardilla! I want you to meet Kirsten Pilar, your intern. Kirsten, this is Ira Pardilla, your critique teacher."
Tila binagsakan ng langit at lupa si Ira sa sunod-sunod na di inaasahang pangyayari.
"Can my life be any worse than this? Lord! Bakit?"