We knew we both were broken drastically that we could feel each others pain and still standing strong to lift each other as we approached with our past and bad experiences with the relationships we have been in. I had very bad experiences with the past relationships and then I got rejected again and again embarrassingly but one reason was that I gave upon them easily because I feared to face them again and the felt the discomfort I might give them. This was that I don't want her to get discomfort or any kind of jerky vibe from me.
As I was conscious about every word I have to write because a single moment can ruin everything I have gotten now.
For her the same with the bad experiences with managing relationships caught my attention on her that I need to care more because I know how hard it is to live those guilt and regrets. We love someone and suddenly we get apart in a sudden moment thinking of nothing but this how it is, you cannot live a life which doesn't makes you happy in the end.
"As weird as it sounds but m not very good at managing relationships.. i dont like being alone.. but wen i m in a relationship i go all crazy nd mess it up." she wrote with such distress that I could understand her disappointment we herself wanting to let things go as she dreamt.
"So hve been trying to remain single for now.."
thinking that this can help her to find some peace and stability in the life she had come out recently. She was trying to figure out what's best for her. I was wondering I was here to comfort her but it was going the way round as from her words I was taking lessons,
Then either you be single or manage your relationship
"That's the only things you can do right in my case they don't leave any option haha after being called Bhai." with a sign that she won't treat me as her brother and another sister in my list. I would never want that to happen as she was what I wanted to be all in one a friend , a mother, a girl friend. I could never ask for anything better than this as now I have met her like this I want to know her more and the warmth of my heart just cozied my body.
"But I'm more introvert in this things I don't share my problems with any of my friends and it makes me weak I know but I guess I have developed as an habit now." I told her in reply that how I try to hide my problems and doesn't want anyone to involve in my problems as I felt like they are mine and I cannot share this with anyone else.
" In that case we are similar then. I don't talk about my problem to any one actually.. Sometimes wen I try telling them, I'll be like.. Naahh forget it.. Who cares and keep it to myself. hahhha" I could smell that she is not happy to share much of her distressed problems in future. Or may be she indicated that she wants me to open up to get to her problems. "Everybody has to fight their own battle." fair enough even I thought the same, but as we all are born itself with the dependent of sperm and egg. Yes we have fight our battles but that can't win those battles for us. Every battle fought is only won when we have a alliance of good army. Otherwise we find ourselves on the losing side . Same like in the battle of life as a worldly creature we need to seek help or depend on a reliable source which can be the only way to win the battle of life.
There will times when we need to stand strong as individuals so as to bring the confidence that you are capable and trustworthy for any hardships we face in the battle of life. When it comes to alliance for the life battle we need that one person who is ready to give his or her solemn alliance to win.
So it was really important for both of us to get that confidence within ourselves which can make us both more trustworthy, strong and courageous whenever needed. Our conversation made us know more about the things we both really want to have and face.
As we talked about various things I concluded in my mind we need to give time more as friends and let's not take this quick. Let it go with the slow pace so that we could figure things accordingly.
I was going sure with the words and discussion that yes she can be the one I have been searching for. A girl with same mentality, sarcastic, funny, difficult to handle which will make me more tasked to do better for her.