"Mommy, why are you crying?" I froze upon hearing the innocent voice of my son.
Hindi ako makagalawa sa aking kinakatayuan. I saw how my son's eyes went to me, to Andy, to Georgina, and to Gab.
Andy went near Simon. Hindi ko alam kung anong pinag-uusapan nila pero nakita kong tumatango ang anak ko sa anumang sinasabi ni Andy dito.
"Don't you dare move, Donna." Gab warned me.
I reminded myself that Gab ran away from us. Wala siyang karapatan magalit sa akin. Pinili niyang umalis.
"Get your hands off of that kid, Mr. Azur." Narinig ko ang panginginig sa boses ni Gab.
Simon is his spitting image! But I can't let him hurt my child.
"Sorry but I am not your student." Andy casually said as he carry Simon.
"Mommy, let's go grab midnight snacks with Daddy!" Nagulat ako ng marinig iyon galing kay Simon.
Daddy? With Gab? What the!
Simon faced Andy and eyed him with worried. "Are you tired, Daddy?"
Oh no! Mukhang tinuruan ata ng lalaking ito ang anak ko sa kung paano mag-acting! Madramang tumango si Andy saka ako tinaasan ng kilay.
Georgina was left in silence. Her eyes were glued on Simon.
Tumango ako at hindi na muling nilingon pa sina Gab. Tahimik kaming pumasok sa sasakyan.
"Sorry." Andy said after a long stretched of silence.
"It's okay. We'll leave for Manila tomorrow." Napag-isipan ko na ito kanina lang.
Hindi na ako muling magpapakita pa kay Gab. He chose to ran away.
Nilingon ko si Simon. He seems so silent. I know I need to talk to him because of what happened awhile ago.
Wala akong pakialam kung iisipin ni Gab na tinatakasan ko siya. Kaya ko naman mag-aral mag-isa.
"I'll book us a ticket to Manila. What time do you want to leave?" Andy asked.
"Around ten." He nodded. "Goodnight, Andy. Thanks."
Pumasok na ako sa kwarto namin. Nakita ko na nakapagpalit na ng damit si Simon. He's busy fixing his things inside his small luggage.
"Anak..." He stop. Tears are slowly forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry." Nahihirapan kong saad.
Tahimik itong tumango. "I look like my father." Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang humikbi dahil sa sinabi niya.
"Why...can't he love us? Doesn't he want to have someone looked like him? Doesn't he want someone as good as you to take care of him? Mom!" Puno ng pagsusumamo ang boses niya.
I know he's longing for a father's love. Patuloy sa paghikbi ang anak ko. Ayoko ng magsalita pa. Nasasaktan ako para sa anak ko. Binalot ko siya sa isang mahigpit na yakap.
Nakatulugan niya ang pag-iyak. Magdamag akong nakatulala. Iniisip ko ang mga posibleng mangyari. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.
"Babalik po kami para sa birthday ni Simon." I told them before we left.
Kumuha kami ng condo unit na malapit lamang sa pagdadausan ng board exam. Medyo mahal pero maganda naman. Dagdag gastusin na naman iyon pero kung makakakuha ako ng trabaho ay makakapag-ipon naman ako ulit.
First thing that I did was to hire a tutor for Simon. Hindi ko rin naman kasi matututukan ang anak ko dahil kailangan kong mag review.
"Your tutor will come here by tomorrow." I told Simon who's busy fixing his small bookshelf full of science books.
Mayroong isang kwarto lamang ang condo. May maliit na sala, kusina, at restroom.
Nag grocery kami ni Simon para magkaroon kami ng stock hanggang sa board exam ko.
I can study on our room while Simon and his tutor will study in the sala. Hindi naman siguro iyon kaso.
His schedule is every afternoon. Mas okay na rin iyon dahil minsan ay late magising si Simon.
I cooked our lunch. Simon said that he wanted to wash the dishes but I told him not to. Pagkatapos kong maghugas ng pinagkainan namin ay pinaliguan ko na ito.
Pagdating ng tutor niya ay saka naman ako magkukulong sa kwarto para makapag-review.
When someone knocked on the door, Simon opened him.
Kinabahan ako dahil masyadong tahimik sa labas. Dali-dali akong lumabas ng banyo para lang makita si Gab na nakatayo sa harap ng pinto namin at nakikipagtitigan sa anak ko.
"What are you-" He kneel down to face Simon.
"Hi!" He waved a little. I saw him gulped. "I will be your tutor. Is it okay?"
Masunurin na tumango si Simon dahil sa sinabi ni Gab. Naiwan akong nakatulala sa nangyari. Ano na naman bang nangyayari?
"Kailan ka pa naging tutor ng mga bata?" Masungit kong tanong sa kanya.
I motioned Simon to go get his things inside our room. Gab roamed his eyes on our condo.
"Ngayon lang, Donna. I just want to...make things...right." He said it so slow and so clear.
I groaned in frustration. "That's Andy's son. What are you talking about?" I spat at him.
"What? If you're going to lie to me, make sure it's not so obvious so I would believe it." He angrily said.
I crossed my arms at him. "You don't have any right to get mad at me. You left. Tinakbuhan mo ako." I mocked him.
"If you're going to argue with my Mom, you can leave us now." I worriedly looked at Simon who's about to cry.
Agad ko itong nilapitan at saka binuhat. Simon wants to meet his father. Galit ako kay Gab but if he wants to make it up to his son, sino ako para ipagkait iyon?
"We're just talking, anak. He's going to teach you while Mommy's going to review, okay?" Kalmado kong saad sa anak ko na nananatili ang tingin kay Gab.
"Behave, okay?" I asked him again and he nodded.
"I love you, Mommy." He whispered and kissed me on my nose.
Hindi niya kinuha ang mga gamit niya kaya naman habang karga karga ko ito ay pinupulot ko ang mga iniwang gamit ni Simon. He's heavy but I don't mind. Alam ko kasi na malapit ko ng hindi makarga ang anak ko.
Gab helped me picked up Simon's things. Napatigil siya ng makita ang mga pictures na nakasabit sa kwarto namin.
Those are memories I want to keep forever. Mula sa ultrasound, sa panganganak...lahat ng mga larawan namin ni Simon.
Ilang beses kong nakitang napalunok si Gab habang tinitingnan ang mga larawang iyon.
I coughed and went outside our room. Inayos ko na ang mga gamit ni Simon. Sinundan naman kami ni Gab.
He looked at his spitting image and sat beside him. I saw the longingness in their eyes. It fucking hurts.