I don't know how I was able to let him go of me. Nagmamadali akong lumabas sa condo.
Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. I don't have my phone or wallet with me.
Hanggang sa kusa akong dinala ng mga paa ko sa harap ng simbahan. I am not a religious person. Funny how I am standing in front of this church...looking for hope.
Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na nakatayo roon. Tahimik akong umiiyak. Tahimik na naghahanap ng mga kasagutan sa bawat tanong ko.
When I felt the cold wind touching my skin, I've decided to go back. Hindi ko alam kung nilock ba ni Gab ang pinto. Sana naman ay hindi.
Nakahinga ako ng maluwag ng mabuksan ito. The lights are now dimmed. I silently walked inside our room only to see Gab and Simon silently sleeping.
Magkayakap ang mag-ama habang natutulog. Malaki naman ang kama. Maybe this isn't bad at all. To make my imaginations be true. To give people their second chances.
I silently lie down on our bed. I stared at the peaceful image of the two boys in my life.
Kinabukasan, nagising ako dahil sa ingay mula sa sala. Babangon na sana ako ng makita ang mukha ni Gab na nakatingin sa akin. He was taken aback and closed his eyes again.
"I already caught you staring at me." Masungit ngunit kinakabahan kong saad.
"Good morning." He said trying to smile.
I smiled at him. "Morning. Where's our son?"
Mukhang na-glue ata ako sa kama. I prefer staying here while looking at him.
"He's playing outside. We haven't yet eaten breakfast because we're waiting for her sleepyhead mommy." Natawa na lang din ako.
We were both laughing. Eyes locked with each other.
"I would want to be in this situation all day. I'll be the happiest man on earth." Gab whispered as he touches my face.
He looked at me in the eye. It was laced with pure longingness. I saw how his eyes drifted to my lips.
Just when I was ready to be claimed by him again, we heard Simon calling us.
"I've got poops!"He screamed with disgust.
I motioned Gab to go clean his son. Nag roger sign pa ito sa akin bago kinarga ang makulit niyang anak.
Lord, I'll trust this one on you. Mommy, Daddy, please guide me.
Hindi ko alam kung natural lang ba na mabalot ng matinding takot sa pag-ibig. I felt like I was traumatized. I don't know what to do.
Lumabas na ako para kumain ng breakfast. Nandoon na rin ang mag-ama.
Since they are busy playing and studying, I busied myself reviewing for the coming exam.
Tatlong araw na lang. Kailangan kong mag sunog ng kilay. Lumabas ako para maglunch at muling bumalik para mag-aral.
Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na nag-aaral. I brushed my hair with frustration because I fell asleep while reviewing.
My jaw dropped when I saw a lot of Manila paper neatly posted on our room.
"Stupid, Gab." I whispered with teary eyes.
Nilapitan ko ito at saka isa-isang tiningnan bawat topics. It was very detailed. There were ten manila papers posted. I squinted my eyes when I saw what's written below. It states, 'Pass the board&have your complete and happy family. From GabxSimon.'
I heard the door opened. I wiped my tear. Nag-aalalang lumapit si Gab sa akin.
"I never stop..." I trailed off. "I never stop loving you." I said while pulling him in a hug.
Gab was too stunned to even move. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang malakas na kabog ng kanyang dibdib.
"Fuck! I thought you don't like it." He whispered in between his breathe.
"Thank you." I sincerely told him.
Huminga ako ng malalim at saka pinaypayan ang sarili.
"I paid for you to tutor our child..." I shooed him away.
Tinaasan niya lamang ako ng kilay. "I paid for our child. Your payments back on your bank account. I own the school." He casually said that made my jaw dropped.
"I'll let you meet my parents after the exam. Slay it, future food technologist." He said and kissed me on my forehead. "I'll make the most for us this time, Donna."
Halos gapangin ko ang pagrereview. I reminded myself so many times that I'll take this once and I'll pass it.
My hands are shaking matapos kong yakapin ang mag-ama ko. I entered the examination hall. Napakaraming tao.
Hindi ko akalain na marami rin naman pala ang kumukuha sa kurso ko. Food Technology is hard but it's really fun.
I prayed in my head for so many times. Nakahinga lamang ako ng maluwag ng matapos na iyong exam.
Nagpalinga-linga ako para hanapin sina Gab. I texted them it's done.
"Mommy!" Kunot noo akong napatingin kay Simon na mag-isang nakatayo sa gitna ng maraming tao.
Where is Gab? Bakit niya iniiwan mag-isa ang bata?
"Why are you alone? Where is your daddy?"
Simon's eyes turn watery. He sobbed and hugged me so tight.
"Daddy said...he doesn't want us like this..."
"He doesn' want what? Anak, you tell Mommy what your father told you." Nagpatuloy lamang ito sa paghikbi.
Iniwan niya na naman ba kami? My heart started to feel so heavy. Mahigpit kong niyakap si Simon.
"But your Daddy said that he won't...leave us again." My voices are about to croaked.
"He said he doesn't want us like this. Mommy!" He's crying so bad.
Natatakot ako na baka nakakakuha na kami ng attention kaya naman kinarga ko na si Simon. He insisted he can walk so I put him down.
Magsisimula na sana kaming maglakad palayo ng makarinig ako ng tilian mula sa mga tao sa paligid namin.
Simon stop and looked at it. "I told you to not to be tsismoso."
"But I want to see! Maybe there's a clown!" I rolled my eyes and followed him.
"I don't know if...this one's too quick because obviously I left you...and our precious son just so I can chase my dreams...when in fact...I am just scared...but seeing you right now...seeing my son right now...I've come to realize that you're the bravest woman I know."
In the middle of the crowd, Gab was standing there, holding a boquet on his hands with a soft music playing on the background.
"I want to apologized for being a jerk. For leaving you...for denying you...for causing you too much pain...but I'll never apologize for loving you so much...even from afar." He handed Simon the boquet.
May kinapa ito sa kanyang bulsa. He kneel down while looking at me in the eye.
"I am not pressuring you to marry me if you're not yet ready. Donna, I can wait. I just want you to know that after all the pain I had caused you, I really do love you...will you...marry me?" He opened the box and revealed a minimal diamond ring.
Napatakip ako sa aking dibdib. Tears keep on flowing. I can't find the right words.
I nodded. And nodded. And nodded.