I'm not the type of person who shares my feeling about someone to anybody. Come to think of it. While I was reading my diary way back then, I never even told my friends that I had a crush on Jeffrey. Now, I realize, I was pretty strong at the same time foolish for keeping everything to myself. I had friends where I can rely on, but it seems it is too hard for me to tell this kind of thing to them. Not only that, the fact that we know that Jeffrey confesses to Jolina way back in 7th grade makes me hold back to tell my feelings.
And to the fact that Jolina is telling us that he confess to her in a joking way. It made me hesitate to share my feelings.
Just like how I feel when I saw him dancing in that stage. I wanted to tell my friends that he look so handsome while dancing. Why does everything he does, he look so cool. Why does everything he does makes my heart go crazy? Why?
That night, this year victory ball. The same event that made me look at him. The night that made my gaze follow him. We all attended, sharing the same table.
"Wow Jewel, when did you look so humanly?" I gave Markus a cold stare. Seriously, I want to choke him. Making fun of me like that.
Me and my girlfriends dance to the beat of the music. Even the song is mellow, we partner with each other and dance like it's our last time. I mean, I had the best girlfriends.
"Come on Jewel, lets dance!" without asking my permission, Markus suddenly grab me to dance, I mean, force me to dance with him. What am I gonna do with this man?
"Why suddenly dance with me?" I asked him just to start a conversation. he did just grab me without me knowing.
"I have no choice, you're the only one who has no partner" I can't help myself from hitting him, it was not that strong. He just laugh t me though. Well for starters, he sure is right. Jolina and Joyce Ann is having their dance, while Ann Marie is nowhere to be found. Well it's not like no one asks me to dance, I just refuse them. You know exactly why, all I do is wait for him to ask me to dance.
"Wouldnt God punish me for doing this?" I joke him. We all know that Markus wanted to become a priest. That is what he is telling us every time. We didn't even believe him, his character is so far from being a priest you know.
"HAHA" he replied at me sarcastically.
The party ended and I had gotten not a single dance with Jeffrey. He just sit and eat at the table all night, and talking to the other boys. And in the end, Markus didn't even give me a second to rest. whatever beat of the music he dances to it, well it's not like he forces me to dance though, I did have fun, us and the girls dance all night.
The next morning, we are all exhausted, we all ended staying late and came early in school. Good thing that our teachers let us off and gave us the time to rest. They said it was a reward for giving our best in the sport fest.
We all decided to close the door of the classroom and arrange the chairs to make compartments. Jolina, Joyce, Ann Marie and me made our own space too. We also put boxes to make it comfortable to sleep in the floor (If you experienced this kind of stuff in high school, congratulations, you gave your high school life experience one of the best moment in life, Sleepin in school, hahaha) The boys did the same too, and we let ourselves comfortable and sleep. We all did. But not after a few minutes when the boys jam themselves in our space. Were like 12 people laying in a little bit of space. Then we became the human pillow of each other. It's not like I hate it. Beats me, I love it. I mean who wouldn't, when you've got the chance to sleep next to someone you like. Yes, read it right, Jeffrey was laying next to me, his head is on top Andrei's left arm, I was lying in Jeffrey left arm, Jolina is also lying in my left arm and so on, the rest is sleeping in each other's belly and legs. And little do I know, I fell asleep in his arms.
I don't know how long we stayed like that, but when I woke up, I heard them playing guitar and singing. Andrei and Wong playing a song and Alex were playing the beatbox, as the rest of the class is singing in unison. It was so fun to hear. But what, made me so happy is when I saw Jeffrey still resting beside me, and Jolina was hugging me in sleep.
But what makes my heart beats more, is the fact that Jeffrey hasn't slept at all. He just stayed like the whole time I slept. Is it maybe because my head is heavy? Maybe his arms hurt.
"You know you can remove your arms now," I said to him.
"Maybe later, Jolina is still asleep" Oh! damn it hurts. I hate myself, why did I ever think that he wanted to be next to me. Maybe I forgot, he has a crush on Jolina, maybe he doesn't want to wake her up that's why he stayed. My chest hurts, not because Jolina's arms were heavy, but because of the fact the Jeffrey cares so much for Jolina.
"Jeffrey, let us go buy some food, get up, Jolina is not sleeping in your arms she would be awake when you leave" What Andrei said hurts me even more. But he right, Jolina is hugging me, not him, as long as I don't move she would not be awake. Then why did Jeffrey didn't leave? I turn my head to look at him. But then he suddenly remove his arms from my head.
"Oh right" then he leaves. I followed him with my eyes, confused. Ahh! Why are you making me so confused!!!
I hate this. Why is he like this, one day he's giving me hope then the next day, shatters me. Why is he so hard to read!!