Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows. But it takes full acceptance of the mind to free your heart from what your mind is keeping you from. There's a limit to what we should do, or else you might regret those things that you may not do.
I thought that this year will be the greatest time; yes it was, but also the worst year of my life. It started when you told us that you will be leaving the next school year. That you were going to transfer to a new school. Yes it did break me. There are a lot of things that I wasn't to do with you, a lot of things that I want to tell you. For the past 10 months that we have been in the same class, it feels like we've been there for only 10 days. Shortly, even I didn't notice.
"Are you transferring next year?" I kept on staring at him while Jolina keeps on asking him. It was Jolina who told me that, and now we are here at the backstage asking why?
"It was a joke" he keeps on telling that, but it was written all over his face that it was a lie.
"Seriously, just tell us the truth. Are you going if you do I'm going to punch you" she keeps on bugging him, as I both watch them?
"I was joking, but we may not know, maybe next year I'll be gone" it was in a joking tone, but it wasn't funny.
"Hays, douchbag!" Jeffrey just laughs at Jolina as she leaves and I follow. It did bug me. What if he transfers next year? It means that we will never see each other again.
It was almost 2 weeks before our year-end recognition ceremony, and it still gets on my nerves. Why the hell does he leaves just like that. Doesn't he like it here? All his friends are here, why is he leaving?
I spent those remaining weeks on how to tell him that I like him. I search the best way to confess to a guy that you like. But nothing seems to work out for me. Then I decided to write a letter. I think it's the best way to tell him what I feel, without my friends knowing. Me knowing that maybe someday, or if he does leaves, I'm scared that I wouldn't have the chance to tell him what I feel.
But then, just what I thought. I couldn't do it after all. I spent the last week in class looking for the right chance, but I still couldn't do it. Until the day of the ceremony came.
I plan to give it to him on that day. It is now or never. I waited for the right chance but I couldn't find any. I start to panic and am losing hope. The ceremony is finished and everybody is taking pictures and others start to leave. I wanted to cry, I just want to tell him how I feel but I don't dare to do so.
And then God gave me a last chance to confess. As my classmates start to leave the venue, I saw him standing alone at the entrance of the venue. I told myself that if I didn't do it today, then don't bother telling him at all. Even it takes weeks or so. I walk towards him.
"Are you waiting for someone?" I asked him.
"Uhm, yeah" I just nodded. My heart can't stop beating so fast. I was trembling at that moment, doubting myself if I can ever do it. It was just simply handing him the letter. Why can't I do it?
"Are you waiting for someone also?" I don't even have the guts to look at him straight. I'm scared about him seeing my face burning.
"N-no, I just have to do something first" I open my sling bag and grab the letter inside. But I just couldn't get it out of the bag. I couldn't, I don't know if I dare to do it'
"What is it?" My feet stepped back as it moves itself.
"N-nevermind" In the end, I couldn't do it. I run away as fast as I could. I can't even do a very simple thing.
Maybe this is my fate. These feelings were kept a secret. I haven't told anyone about it. And I intend to keep it that way.
The next school year, he transferred to another school. I know, starting that day, my feelings for him should be buried to the ground. This is what I choose, yes, till now I regret not giving him that letter. Maybe, just maybe, our story will be a little bit different if I gave him the letter. But now it was all over.
You see; if you have the chance to do one thing that you love, don't hesitate. That may be the last chance God is giving you. You might regret it later if you didn't.
.
.
.
.
I thought that will be the end of our story, but no, because as long as I keep on holding unto this feeling, it will never be the end.