It's been five months since I started singing again. Actually hindi ko inakalang magbabalik pa talaga ako sa pagkanta. I know for a fact that I cannot ever leave music but I thought that I might find myself an instrument and make a living out of that instead. Hindi rin ibig sabihin na nakokontrol ko ang vocal chords ko tuwing kakanta ako sa harap ng stage ay na-over come ko na ang pagkalungkot sa pagkamatay ng aking ama.
It's quite the opposite. I'm hanging on to singing to express all of the sadness I'm feeling to my Dad hoping that my voice can reach all the way up to heaven. I wear mask to cover up the pain and tears from my face. I pretend nobody hears me except for my dad whenever I sing.
"Bro, rate A1 from one to ten," naputol ang lalim ng pag-iisip ko ng may isang boses ang bumulabog saakin. A blond haired person in front of the guy sitting next to me nudged the elbow of his brother who looked out the window not paying any attention to his surroundings.
Yes, it's my step siblings. And yes, they are in the same special music class as me. Can you believe that? May silbi naman pala ang dalawang 'to. Of course, the seats in front of us being the only vacant seats in the room, the teacher assigned them as their seats which so far had been a nightmare to me.
1. Cynder immediately decided to flirt with me when he noticed I was sitting close to them. I can almost see the darkness of girls' jealousy in the air.
2. Alec does NOT treat me well. He always "accidentally" throws the handout papers right to my face. At tuwing may sinasabi ako sa mga teacher during class hours (which by the way is really rare), pinipilosopo niya parati ako. So, ang nangyari, sa mga susunod na araw sumapaw na rin ang ibang mga babaing lihim na nakakaramdam ng pagkaselos sakin.
3. They're FREAKING popular. Just about with anybody. Even guys approach them. And me? I like my quiet. So it bothers me when we have free time or if the teacher just went outside the room for a bit and our class will suddenly decide to crowd them both. Life was so much better when it's just me and the guy sitting next to me at the back.
Mabuti na lang ngayong simula ng klase namin, terror ang unang teacher namin kaya walang kahit sinuman ang nagtangkang tumayo sa mga upuan nila kahit pa late ito.
Sumilip si Alec sa babaing two rows in front of them at tumgingin pabalik kay Cynder, "she's 7 I guess?"
Napa 'ohh' si Cynder, "ang taas talaga ng standard mo sa mga babae. She would've easily passed as 10 to me," tinapik nito ang braso ng kapatid. Ito ang gawain ng isang Cynder Diaz sa araw-araw. It's not like I wanted to know about his hobby but I can't turn deaf ears if he does it in front of my face.
Actually fourth reason I didn't like sitting in front of them: Cynder will not shut up talking about girls. Ginawan pa nga niya ng parang code ang lahat ng babae ayon sa location ng seating arrangement namin kaya hindi problema sa kaniya ang mag-rate ng pisikal na anyo ng mga babae sa malakas na boses. Napa tsk ako.
"Fake cheerfulness. Fake eyelashes. Trying hard attitude. Doesn't look so charming to me," isa pa 'to. He didn't care if people around him heard him or not. Kahit na mas masahol pa sila sa bahay, hindi ko pa rin maiwasang mainis sa pagiging walang modo ng dalawang ito. Ang masaklap pa, lalong naiinlove sa kanila ang mga babae dahil nga, bad boy type daw. It's probably a girl's thing to want to love someone who abuses you. Not my thing though, thankfully.
After that, I worked hard tuning their voices out of my system. Lunch came and the first thing Red did was to gush out about my would be step siblings.
"Alec is so ha-awt! Nakita mo ba 'yung reaksyon ni Tricia nung sinabi niyang fake 'cheerfulness'? Priceless!" Patricia is what you will call one of the popular girls inside our room. Halatang siya ang pinaguusapan ng magkapatid dahil sa kaniya nakatingin ang mga ito. And she made it obvious by twirling her hair and winking at Cynder which he reciprocated. Little did she know she was going to get burned by the other twin, Alec.
"Anung hot sa pagpapahiya sa isang babae?" sagot ko pabalik at saka kumagat sa sandwich kong niluto pa ni mama. I don't like buying food in a crowded cafeteria and I'm not particularly good at cooking either.
"Well," tumingin siya sa mga ulap habang nag-iisip ng mga kasunod na sasabihin. Madilim dilim ang mga ulap sa langit. Mukhang uulan, "deserve niya kasi 'yon! Masyado siyang nagiging Queen B. As in Queen Bitch"
Tumingin ako sa ilalim ng rooftop at nakita ang samu't saring punong puspos sa mga berdeng dahon, "you think she deserves that? Red, you don't know her as much as I don't. It would be better not to judge people based on how you see them act. We're not living in a fiction."
Tumitig siya saakin ng matagal bago nagsalita muli, "you're being strangely argumentative about this. Why?"
Namayani ang katahimikan. I don't know... I might be getting a little bit sensitive about this but I just can't stand the way they treat other people.
"Kasi nakakalimutan mong sila ang nambastos sa mama ko. Pinuri mo pa ang pamamahiya nila sa kaklase natin."
When Red saw that this was a serious matter for me, she dropped her usual silliness and looked at me in the eye, "I remember that. I'm sorry."
Nagring na ang bell at bumaba na kami ng rooftop papuntang klase. On the way there, as usual nakita ko na naman ang poster tungkol sa audition sa choir three days from now. I felt panic creep up my nervous system as I debate whithin myself whether I should go or not.
I don't know if I'm ready... but I can already sing in front of people can't I? But I can't do it without my mask. I've already tried... Maybe it's still too early for me.
But then I'm in my junior year of high school. I have only one more year of high school till I graduate.
"Subukan mo kaya?" I was met with my best friend's set of small eyes. Kumabog ang dibdib ko. Subukan ko nga kaya? I read the time of the auditions. Auditions are after school til 6 o'clock. After school til 6 o'clock.
Umiling-iling ako para bumalik sa realidad, "pag-iisipan ko muna." Pagkatapos n'on, hindi na siya namilit pa.
"Look, they're looking for a pianist for the solo recital!" napatigil ako sa pag-lalakad nang marinig ang boses ni Cynder. They were behind us. "Mag o-audition ka ba?"
"Syempre." Kahit nakatalikod, naiimagine ko ang ngiting puno ng tiwala sa sarili nito. Naalala ko bigla ang pag sira ko sa pianong dinala niya sa bahay. He took it out of the house for repair. I honestly thought he discovered about how my mom was traumatized by any kind of musical instrument and plan to show one to her. Turns out he might've genuinely liked playing it. Pero sa dinami-rami ng instrumento sa mundo, bakit piano pa? My mom and dad were both pianist. They're both very talented. I can just hope that neither of the twins bring instruments in our house ever again.
"I have full confidence in my abilities unlike a certain someone." This time I turned around. Nakakainis. Hindi dapat ako nagpapaapekto rito eh.
Tumaas ang kilay ko, "might you be talking about me?"
"Actually, no. I was talking about some girl I know. Pero tinamaan ka?" tumingin siya ng diretsyo sakin gamit ang mapupungay niyang mga mata. Walangya, kabaliktaran na kabaliktaran ng mga mata niya ang ugali niya! He smirked at me and I so badly want to slap his face right here right now!
Sasagot pa sana ako nang mag-ring uli ang bell. Yes, that means WE ARE LATE. Minarkahan kaming late ni sir Alvarez at naiiritang umupo ako sa upuan ko. Great, wala na ang perfect attendance ko dahil sa lalaking ito. Hindi lang 'yon, ininsulto niya pa ang abilidad ko!
"Okay class for our first exercise this day, I want you to listen carefully for the sounds and tell me which notes are playing. Ask me to replay the sound and I will."
He played a series of sound and even though I didn't want to listen to it, my ears automatically translated them for me.
G Octave 2 - A Octave 2 - D flat octave 4 - B Octave 4 - B Octave 3 - C Octave 3 - F Octave 5 - E Octave 4 and then it just repeats three times.
By the end of it, I didn't raise my hand. I want to enjoy seeing all of them suffer trying to know what the notes are, especially Alec.
But I was surprised about what happened next. The class looked at him in awe when Alec's hand immediately shoot up after the sound was played. Sir Alvarez called on him.
"G-A-D flat-B-B-C-F-E tapos inulit lang ng tatlong beses," the whole class gawked at him but I just laughed. Akala ko naman nakakamangha na 'yung sasabihin niya, hindi pala.
He's no threat to me.
Dahil nasa likod niya ako, lumingon siya saakin at tinignan ko siya ng tingin na naghahamon, "I bet you can't guess which octaves each notes were played in," by this time, nakatingin na ang lahat saamin pero kaming dalawa, nagsusukatan pa rin ng tingin. I didn't mind it since I'm used to the spotlight anyways.
He suddenly smirked and that time I knew I was going to eat my words, "2-2-4-4-3-3-5-4 times three."