Chapter 3
"I'm writing a piece on love triangle." I am sitting on one of the lounge tables with Sam. We're waiting for Emma because she's still have her class which we don't go together. "Have you ever been somewhere with one person you loved and had to deal with the other?"
Sam shifted in his seat and put both hands in front of me, joining both index fingers together and forming a triangle.
"No, but I love triangles. A right angle triangle with sides of 3 and 4 units will have a hypotenuse of 5 units. Perfect beauty." Sam answered putting his hands down.
"I'm talking about Love triangle."
"Triangles are good, but I've found rectangles are usually more stable long-term."
I can see his point but I am not playing around. I need to finish my first article for our school paper. And I have no idea why they gave me this topic in which I am a total sucker. This is not a thing which I could use my fact-checking skills. This is more of a valuable experience exposé and I don't have any bits of experience with love triangle much less of love itself. This is not going to be a perfect cliché article everyone is hoping for.
"Please help me. I am going to lose everything if I don't do this right. If you're in that kind of situation, what then?"
"Well, there's nothing much you can do about it. Hope that the other person is nice to the person you love. I once watched my friend's lover in love with another woman. They all lived together. I've never heard her seemed to have such deep, angry feelings. But even if that's the case, you question every moment, every word, every syllable, and every action and fear that they're doing the same to you."
"What do you mean?" "There is an incredible, deep and painful hurt even if you deny it. You feel like your heart has been removed and thus your ribcage collapsing."
"Is this a polyamorous context, or otherwise?"
"My friend told me that they settled into a happy and stable three-person polyamory."
"Seriously, are we really talking about your friend here or are having a personal experience exposé, in which case I am happy to know more." I laughed at my own realization because you cannot say all those if you haven't felt what it was like to be in that situation. As far as I know, Sam had 1 girlfriend since we become friends and I have known her, had not had another secret lover aside from Sam. They were nice when they were together. Unless I am mistaken.
Sam got serious in an instant. His mood changed real quickly like a tornado changing its path.
"I've been part of the equation on all sides. The result is always the same: growing up and finding the next awkward situation." He sigh "Are we done here?" he got up and started collecting his stuff and putting them in his bag. He arrange my books and put them also in his bag. He knows how I think. I can't hunch on big bags so this is one of those moments when he kinda get gentlemanly. But I did not realized that he's been in a love triangle kind of situation. Maybe because I didn't really pay attention and I don't put any seriousness with relationship. And this is how I end up asking for information.
"I am no fan of love and relationship but I do know you're not sharing me valuable information here." I stood up and pick up my bag. "And yes we're done here." We walk to our next class.
I'd say triangles offer too many sharp angles to offer satisfying hugs. I don't understand how feelings get into such mix-ups and end up into a very tragic situation. Most start off in an equilateral. Then it becomes isosceles, one is distant. Finally obtuse, and nothing makes sense anymore.
First is you are the one watching painfully for your love to love someone else. Thinly masked emotions. Smiling the pain and helplessness away. Impatiently waiting for an opportunity that may never come. Hard and hard. How much love must you have for someone to watch them love someone else? Your love would have to be fathomless. That's tragically beautiful. Too idiotic for not letting go. Someone in that kind of trio is always more selfish than the other two and destroys it. But isn't it that all of them are selfish for not letting go for the other? Yes, being selfish. Or second, you are the one loving two people at the same time and hurting them both. You cannot weight your feelings because it is not a tangible thing, just how you wish it was. Maybe you are the third. Getting into the equation that you thought have a future for you. You knew it was wrong but you still go for it and seek for the feeling you thought was yours alone.
I wonder where Sam falls into place.
How should I finish my piece?
We walked inside the classroom and pretended that I haven't discovered anything. Emma is already sitting and waved at us. Days like this is devastating because I keep on returning to the moments where I've been left hanging. The noise, the shouting, the conversations, and the laughter cannot cover up the hammering of my thoughts and the curiosity that drives me insane.
"I thought we're gonna wait for you at the lounge?" I sit beside Emma "You let us wait without telling us you'll be here already."
"Nice to see you too." Emma said "Why are you mad at me?"
Because Sam is not telling everything and I wanted to know what happened. It's not like I'm going to put it on paper. I actually am but the point is he's keeping things from us. I hate this feeling even more because it makes me feel like a jealous girlfriend.
After class, I went straight home. It was 5 in the afternoon and there's just so much thing to do. I went online to look for ideas and finish some homework. Two hours and I'm done. I log on my social media account to check for e-mails and notifications. I'm not really a fan of Facebook, where you post what you just did, what you eat, where you at, but this generation is more on digital and you don't know anything about anyone or everything about anywhere if you won't get connected. I wanted to be part of media industry so I have no right to hate. Twitter is where I'm usually at, nobody cares if you post like 10 unimportant texts in a row. You don't have to pretend that nobody cares about your posts because they really don't care. It is where I find news in an instant within 140 characters to sum up what the news is all about. I don't know about you, but some people are firm believers in having more friends in real life than online, those that think they're any better than everyone else. In my case, those I have online are usually the ones I cherish in real life. We just like the idea of always in touch, and finding other ways to communicate when the silence in personal interaction is getting frustrating to bear.
There was a soft beep.
Someone pmed.
Before I'm even able to open the message I'm already confused.