I hate this. Why do I have to do what other people tell me. Why can't I act the way I want. Why do I have to be a "child of the LORD" if I'm something completely different. I'm not perfect and I still get hurt, but no one sees that. It always feels like you.... like they always just want to see a smiling doll. But I'm not a doll but I will break after all the times they have played with me without thinking about my heart.
I hate this life and hate myself so much because of it. No one is even looking me in the eyes anymore. All they see is the title on top of my head, nothing else. Why would they I'm just their steping stone. Crying doesn't seem to do anything and now I just want to quit worrying about it. I'm not a puppet to move my string at any time you want I'm a human too why can't you see that.
Maybe it because I have been letting others use me however they want and I never put a stop to it. Now I see my mistake go ahead and laugh. Nothing anyone will say will make me change my mind. I hate my self and I hate this word,..... I just hope somewhere deep down I could've been seen as something more then just a doll. I really hope so.