"Can we talk?"
Iyon ang mga unang salitang lumabas sa bibig niya. Bakit kakaiba ang pakiramdam ko ngayong kaharap ko na siya? He's avoiding me for days now. Laging naka-turn off ang phone. He's not replying back to my texts, and he's not answering his phone. I can feel he has a problem, but why is he not telling me anything, instead it's like he's pushing me away?
"Mabuti naman at nagparamdam ka." bigkas ko. I sounded angry. Sino ba namang hindi magagalit na girlfriend ka niya pero parang wala siyang pakialam sa nararamdaman mo at ginagawa niya lang ang gusto niya?
He opened the door of the shotgun seat. I remained silent when I understood what he meant. I can feel he's still watching when I entered his car.
I watched him made his way to the drive seat. Nang sumarado ang pintuan, bigla ko nalamang naramdaman na bumigat ang aura sa loob ng sasakyan. Sana naman may maayos siyang idadahilan sa pag-iwas niya sa akin 'di ba?
"How are you?" tanong niya. Napatingin ako nang diretso sa kaniya. I don't know why I feel so irritated right now.
"Can you just stop beating around the bush? Shrug off these introductions. Tell me what's going on," mariin kong bigkas. He cleared his throat, I can feel he's starting to feel awkward at my presence. Why tho?
"Since you're rushing me, then I'll tell what I really feel right now." When he stated those words, I started feeling nervous. He isn't going to do that thing right? I know he has problems right now, but he isn't definitely going to tell me that!
"These past few days, I'm starting to lose interest about everything..." he trailed. Habang binabanggit niya ang mga iyon, para bang binibitin niya muna ako sa balak niyang sabihin. "And I don't think this will work out."
"Anong ibig mong sabihin?" I don't know but tears started forming at the corners of my eyes.
"I don't love you anymore."
Napatingin ako sa ibang direksyon. Medyo malalim na ang gabi kaya nakapatay na ang mga ilaw ng mga kabahayan dito sa subdivision namin. 'Yung mga poste na lang ng ilaw ang nagbibigay liwanag sa daan. Matagal bago nagsink-in sa akin ang mga sinabi ni Gian. I didn't know why my response was a laugh.
I dramatically looked at him again. His face was emotionless.
"Are you joking? Haha. Stop it, Gian, bago pa ako tuluyang maniwala sa'yo." I was so desperate on making myself believe that he is lying. He showed so many signs since that day we last met. He was hinting about this break-up? I want to know his reasons if he really wants me to let him go.
"Do I look like I'm kidding? It just... faded. My love for you has faded. I'm so sor—" Bago pa man niya matapos ang sinasabi ay nasampal ko na siya. My tears started rolling down my cheeks. I bitterly wiped them and opened the car door. He also went out and tried reaching me bago pa man ako makapasok sa bahay para magtago sa kaniya. Ang sakit. Para lang akong isang bagay na pinagsawaan at iiwan na lang pagkatapos.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya ako niyakap from my back. Why is he doing this? Bakit niya ba paulit-ulit na sinasaksak ang puso ko? I thought he wanted to break up with me?
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Bea. I'm sorry. I met someone else. I love her. Sorry that my love for you faded." paulit-ulit na bigkas niya. Lalo akong nanlambot sa mga narinig. With all the strength I have, I pushed him. Marami ng luha ngayon ang tumutulo sa mukha ko dahil sa mga sinabi niya. So that's the main reason why he wanted to break up with me?
"Umalis ka na bago pa ako magpatawag ng guwardiya. Nandidiri ako sa'yo! You cheated on me because your love for me has faded? Ganyan ba talaga kayong mga lalaki? Kapag nagsawa na kayo sa amin, hahanap kayo ng iba?" I said between my sobs. Galit na galit ako sa kaniya. I thought he's different. Nalinlang niya ako sa maamo niyang mukha. Two-timer naman pala?
"Bea, I'm sorry..." That was the last words I heard from him. The guard locked the gates for me and I made my way to my room. Doon ko binuhos lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko. I thought were deeply inlove with each other. I thought he will be the one for me. Now that I realized it, he's a jerk, and I will never come back to him.
I will never let myself fall inlove again. I will never let myself be hurt again.