"What kind of lame intro is that?" I asked him. I mean seriously though, what kind of sales pitch is that? The Devil just kind of sputtered and lamely said, "Well I am."
"What did I do to warrant such a tragedy?" I asked putting my gun back under my pillow.
"Nothing yet. You are in a desperate situation and I am here to fix it. In exchange I get your soul." He responded
"Hmmm, I think I'll keep my soul. Thanks for the offer I guess?" I said.
The Devil made an exaggerated sad face. "I can make your life amazing though. You can have wealth, power, fame. Anything you want."
"All temporary. Pretty sure that goes away when I die so no thanks. Why don't you go hit up an aspiring politician or something. I'm sure there are plenty." I sat up in bed.
"That's not how it works. I can't leave until I get your soul. Devils are assigned to people and can't move on until the customer signs onto the terms or dies." he said.
"Well I guess my life is gonna be interesting having the Devil follow me everywhere." I said with a smile. That was actually the first time I smiled since my dog died.
The Devil sighed and slumped his shoulders "Surely there isn't something?"
"Unless you can bring my dog back, then no." I said. I was being sarcastic but he took it seriously.
"I would have to check with Satan to see if that is even allowed. I'm pretty sure once someone or something dies, you can't bring them back. I can make you immortal though." he said
"Not just no but HELL no. Eyyy get it? Hell? Ah Ahhh?" The Devil rolled his eyes and groaned.
"Why Not?" he asked.
"The earth isn't immortal. One day the sun will destroy us all and then what? I forever suffocate in outer space? Plus, everyone I love will die too so I'll pass on that one. Also, I was joking about the dog. I'll see him in heaven one day."
"How do you know your dog is in heaven?" he asked.
"Because he is sweet fluff ball that loved hugs." I said feeling a bit indignant. How dare he elude my furbaby would go to Hell.
"You will think of something eventually." he said.
I rolled my eyes "No I won't." I got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" he asked standing up.
"I'm going to go eat. I think its been a few days." I did a little stretch and got a whiff of myself and gagged.
"I think I need to shower too. If you follow me, I'll shoot you."
The Devil chuckled, "I won't, but only because I have zero desire to see a prepubescent girl shower."
"Hey! I hit puberty thank you very much!" I stormed out my room and slammed the door.