I could have been a father of 6-year old now.
I could have been her husband.
I could have been happy with my own family.
Thinking about these is driving Tim mad. He has always been a rational person but at this point he wanted to unleash his anger by wrecking havoc. His face is burning.
"Pam has been feeling guilty that her mother died untimely. She takes the blame for it thinking that her unwanted pregnancy caused the death. The pressure cost her to lose the baby." Jenna started to tear up.
Tim is still speechless digesting everything and trying so hard to keep his calm despite the storm inside.
"She had threatened abortion unnoticed. It infected her uterus. They had to remove the baby to save her."
Few months ago Tim could say that Pam deserves to be single but now how can he turn a blind eye on the consequences he brought to her life. Tim could crush anything in his hand with the way he clenched his fists.
"Am I that kind of guy to Pam?" Tim asked this with very cold tone. "Am I not worthy to be trusted and relied on?"
It is painful after all the things he had to go through. What a joke! "I am mad about everything. Why I had to say this fucking words? Why didn't she confront me? It's was stupid to leave just because of that."
"Tim I am mad about it too. I am clueless on the real score back then. Had I known I could have done something..."
'So what else is she hiding? She is dying? I hate this drama!' Tim has blurted this in his mind.
"I need to go now, please take care of her Jenna."
Tim stormed out of the hospital gritting his teeth. Mark followed and he only knew when he called him.
"Tim!"
He turned around recognizing the voice. His brows still knitted and face darker than it was earlier.
"Bro take it easy. Don't get Jenna wrong."
"No I am not!" He stood for a while and inhaled a deep breath. "You know how I loved Pam. I don't understand. I really don't...so stupid...so silly." He wanted to vent out the frustration now.
"Tim you are smart bro and you are decisive. I believe in you. Don't be overwhelmed with anger and frustration. It happened for a reason. Take care on your way home, I'll stay with Jenna. Let's drink some other time." Mark knew he needed someone to talk or vent out.
Tim just nodded and headed to the parking. It's almost 1am. He feels tired but restless. He found himself in his pad. At this point this bottle of whiskey is his best companion.
He took one shot after the other. In his head Pam leaving him with words he said eavesdropping was silly and stupid. He wished she was someone with will to be forthright. Maybe it would have been better if she showed up at that time made herself presence felt. Then again Pam is just 21, he probably did not fully understand this Asian girl. The last time he cried was more than 30 years ago, when he was still a kid. His tears just went down as if it had its own life. He successively chugged shots. He began to talk to himself when the bottle is almost done. He let himself loose alone.
'Pam I thought you were smart girl. You are stupid! You had my baby.'
'Do you think I can't help you raise it? Am I not capable of taking care of you? '
He cried over his sorrow. His head was turning after finishing the bottle. He unbuttoned his polo and slumped on the couch and continuously murmured to himself.
'I loved you'
'I waited for for you to show up.'
'You are stupid...God damn stupid'
'I love a stupid girl.'
He said this over and over. He drifted away and in his dreams he was chasing a cute pinkish white rabbit. He had the extreme desire to posses that rabbit. It run and jumped so fast that it did not notice a quicksand ahead.
The rabbit became dirty and was slowly drowning in the quick sand but he was still far away to rescue. So far away that he could only shout on top of his lungs.
He was brought back to reality with non stop ringing of his doorbell. His head hurts, he checked quickly on his phone there were missed calls from Mark. It's almost 12 noon.
The doorbell won't stop ringing and so he decided to check. When he stood his phone rang.
"Hello." His voice was deep as the sea. He just got off slumber his throat has not loosened.
"Are you inside? I have been ringing you for the last 15 minutes."
So it was Mark who woke him up. He opened the door.
"Shit! Man you stink!"
Tim turned around and slumped back on the couch. His head still hurts.
"What the fuck are you doing here? So early." He was slurring.
"Fuck you it's almost 12! How fucking early is that? For tomorrow?"
Mark continued to loo around except for the bottle of whiskey everything seems to be in order. He was afraid Tim would wreck havoc in his place.
"My head hurts."
"Man you downed the bottle of Hibiki! Are you wondering why your head hurts?!" He got him this Suntory Whisky when he went to Japan.
"When you small and big head clears, we can talk. It start with washing man!"
Tim throw one of the pillows. Mark was caught off guard and was not able to dodge it.
"You stinking brat! Wash up!"
Tim rose and headed towards the bath. His stomach is grumbling he had too much alcohol last night.
Like a caring girlfriend, Mark cleaned up the bottle and shot glass in the living room. It was not hard to fix things up seems Tim only finished the whole bottle and went into sleep at the sofa.
He headed towards the kitchen. He knew Tim was an advocate of anything organic. He found ginger on his fridge. Somehow they find comfort taking ginger brew morning after hard drinking.
He peeled and sliced the ginger to boil them. Even if he is not drunk he is having a cup too. He then proceed to cook some eggs and bacon to go with the wheat bread. He can related to Tim. Getting up late from drinking last night will get you an upset stomach. Tim needs something to fill his tummy.
Few more minutes Tim has emerged from shower. He is wearing plain white shirt and gray cotton shorts.
"Man don't you want to marry me instead, I know you are hungry!" He then took the reheated ginger tea pour in 2 cups not straining the ginger. He took the honey from the cabinet.
"This will help with the hangover." Mark was smiling brightly like an obedient girlfriend.
"I should marry you dude! I am breaking my engagement to marry you!"