Tuesday.
SPADE's POV
Maaga akong nagpunta sa office since hindi ako masyadong nakatulog kagabi.
Marami lang talaga akong iniisip.
"Sir, nasa labas na po 'yung doctor n'yo" Rico said.
Oo nga pala, that's what he told me yesterday.
"okay, let him in" I said.
Ilang saglit pa, pumasok na yung doctor.
"Please have a seat Doc" I said.
"good morning sa iyo Mr. Santos" he's bringing with him the results kaya ipinakita niya ito agad sa akin.
"I think nasabi na ng secretary mo na I'll be explaining to you the results, right?"
Then I nodded.
"okay, let's start with your echocardiogram" then ipinakita niya ang images (converted na by computer) sa heart examination ko yesterday.
"as you can see, the images show that there is an abnormal thickening of your heart muscle" itinuro niya yung part na iyon.
"so it particularly affects the muscle of your heart's main pumping chamber which is the left ventricle. That's why sometimes, you feel uneasy when breathing and nakakaramdam ka rin ng chest pains because the thickened muscle make it harder for your heart to work properly".
Nang marinig ko iyon, nanlamig ako bigla. May sakit na ba ako?
"then according sa iyong PET scan (Positron Emission Tomography) nagkakaroon ng reduced amount of blood taken in and pumped out sa iyong katawan so_"
"ano po ba ang sakit ko Doc?" interruption ko sa kanya because I wanted to know right now if mamatay na ba ako o hindi.
"to make it clear to you, you have a Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy or HCM"
HCM?
"pa_paano po ako nagkaroon ng ganyan?"
"kung may history sa family nyo na ganitong sakit, then I can say na you inherited it from them."
Tae.
Why? Bakit ako?
"so....tell me, am_ am I going to die?"
This time, hindi na ako mapakali. Honestly, mas gugustuhin ko pa ang mabaril kesa ang mamatay sa sakit na iyan.
"don't worry Mr. Santos, may medicines naman tayo para ma-lower ang risk mo for developing atrial fibrillation or even heart failure. In addition, we will examine you frequently just to make sure na it will not worsen and of course, you need to make some adjustments on your lifestyle now, like reducing stress, alcohol and too much activities nang sa ganoon, mapreserve natin ang life mo because kapag hindi natin naagapan ang sakit na iyan at lumala, it can be fatal and may lead you to sudden death"
Hindi ko alam kung kakalma ako o lalong kakabahan sa sinabi niya eh.
"but what if, hindi na ito kaya ng medication ko kasi sa pagkakaalam ko, ang ganitong sakit ay not curable"
"then we will have some procedures na gagawin depende sa magiging result ng further test sa heart mo but as what I've said, you need to take some medications to relieve the symptoms and prevent from being worse."
"okay, I'll let my secretary buy those medications, just give us your prescription and you may go"
Then I stood up at pinagmasdan ang fountain sa labas. I wanted to be calm this time.
(sighed)
Well, truly, life is too short. At my young age, I already have this heart disease.
(What a life.)
Nang maibigay na nang doctor ang prescription niya, umalis na siya.
Hay, I need wine this time.
"Rico, can you give me some wine?" sabi ko.
"but s_sir, your doctor told you to_"
"my doctor told me to REDUCE drinking alcohol, not to stop so....just give me a glass of wine, for me to relax, okay?" tapos umupo na ako.
"o_okay po sir"
Dali na siyang lumabas to get some wine.
Now, sobrang tahimik na ng office ko.
I looked at mom's picture on my table. She's so happy being with us, karga niya kaming dalawa ni Jenna when we were still babies.
Tae.
Kung nandito lang si mom....
I have someone sana to share all my problems and fears. Someone I can talk too when I feel like I'm alone and there will be someone I can lean on when I feel like I'm crying.
"mom, I don't know but I really missed you so much. I'm sorry if I never been a person that you wanted me to be. I'm sorry if someday.....
I will never be able to fulfill my promises to you."
I closed my eyes for a bit. Ayokong umiyak.
I need to be brave.
"sir, eto na po ang wine" then iniabot niya sa akin ang isang glass of wine. Kinuha ko ito at tiningnan.
"ah...sir" medyo worried na sabi ng secretary ko.
"speak on" sabi ko then ininom ko yung wine na ibinigay niya.
"huwag niyo po sanang masyadong isipin 'yung about kanina, as long as you won't stress yourself too much, it won't be a problem to you sir. You can still live a normal life" encourage niya sa akin.
I just nodded.
I know na he's more concern about me now and I thank him for that.
But, he cannot change the fact that I have this heart problem. And maybe, the only thing that I can do now, is to accept it and as what he said yesterday...to enjoy every single moment of my life.