26
Love.
In which Sebastian makes his love clear.
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» SEBASTIAN »
I LAID ON THE GRASS, MINDLESSLY staring at the cloudless sky in an attempt to calm my raging thoughts. We were still in New York and would be returning later since Christmas had passed and it was three days from New Years. It was all beginning to feel surreal because I had mentally prepared myself to not see the new year and I had even created a will.
Everything was planned to the T, and my sudden decision threw me off because I never imagined living past my 29th birthday. Without the surgery, since it had worsened over the year, my life had a countdown and I would be dead by February. What made me happy was the companies I built from the ground up, and all I could leave behind to my family. The one thing I didn't want was to have my family ever struggling financially. Of course, there were boundaries such as they could ask for money, but only if they really needed it. I bought them gifts of my own accord, and I would help them stand on their own two feet if they hit a bump in the road.
My fingertips clutched at the grass under me as my bodyguard came and sat beside me, his arm perched on his folded knee. "Are you okay, sir?"
I curved my hand above my eyes to block out the sudden sunlight and tilted my head to meet his eyes. "I'm good, Victor. I just want to appreciate nature."
He nodded, passing me sunglasses and remained by my side as I laid in silence for the next hour. It was highly therapeutic, being away from the suffocating company of everyone around me. The strong feeling washed over me again and I couldn't prevent the frown that marred my features. It was a strong urge to call my doctor and cancel everything and when my eyes closed, I saw the disappointed expression that Mira's face held when she found out and I felt my stomach bottom out in anxiousness.
I knew, without a doubt, that I was a different person from when I met her. I didn't believe I could fall in love again, and I never craved a woman's company. Being in love with her gave her a sort of control over me that no one had for a very long time. She had me in the palm of her hands.
Sighing, I stood up from the ground and proceeded to walk back to the car. I had left whilst everyone was asleep, so I was pleasantly surprised when I returned to a silent house two hours later. Unzipping my jacket, I hung it on the hook and kicked off my shoes before I made my way up to my bedroom.
I opted to take a shower in the adjoining bathroom, taking my time to release the tension in my muscles. When I returned to the room, Mira laid on the bed awake, and her eyes glided to mine when I walked to the door and locked it. I gave her a smile as I dropped my towel to pull on my briefs, and in the midst of it, she switched her phone off and sat up with her eyes not wavering from mine.
"You're such a tease." She uttered quietly, running her fingers through my hair before settling at the nape of my neck. Her face neared mine but she laid a kiss on my cheek instead of my lips like I expected.
I remained silent, but my eyes examined her and a smirk pulled at the corner of my lips. "And you're wearing too many clothes." My fingers tugged at the hem of the long shirt she was wearing, which she obviously took from my suitcase.
She laughed quietly and sat up on her knees to pull the shirt over her head. Much to my disappointment, she was wearing shorts underneath. My hands came around her waist before I had her lying under me.
"You're beautiful, Mira Casey." I brought my lips to her cheek and tried to push the ache in my chest away. It was an incessant feeling that made me think that the only reason she was still with me was that she promised not to leave and that she didn't feel the same as me.
It didn't make it better that she didn't say it back.
Her dainty hands caged my face and she stared into my eyes. "We're not doing it at your grandparents' house, Sebastian. No matter how many compliments you give me."
The grin grew on my face. "Well, we're going back to London later on, how about we join the mile high club?"
She dug her head into my shoulder and let out a sound in embarrassment. "Sebastian!" she pushed me away from her, sliding from under me to slip on my shirt to cover her bare upper body.
I followed after her, pulling her back against me by her waist. My nose nuzzled into the fruit-scented hair and I felt her hands rest on top of mine as she moved her head back onto my shoulder.
"Where did you go this morning?"
Leaving her question unanswered for a few moments, I stared at my open suitcase and decided to put clothes on. We clearly weren't going to do anything, and I was getting cold. Whilst it all, I spoke. "I went to clear my head. Did I wake you?"
She shook her head and took steps back until she was at the foot of the bed before she sat down, folding one slender leg over the other. Her fingers played with the drawstrings of her shorts and I continued to watch her when she lifted her head with a concerned look in her eyes.
"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
I pushed my arms through my hoodie as I nodded slowly and approached her. My stomach bottomed out in anxiousness and once I opted to shove my hands into my pockets, I took a seat beside her.
"There is something I want to talk about." Her arm linked through mine and her head leaned on my shoulder as I continued. "I think I ruined us, ruined what we had."
She lifted her head and her eyebrows lowered in confusion. I held her gaze for a second before I directed my eyes towards the painting hung in the room. I had to get it all off my chest before the operation because it could possibly be the last time I ever spoke to her.
"Me lying to you meant that you no longer trust me. You might not notice that you're different around me, but I feel it in your touch and how you look at me. I know I should've told you, but I couldn't even tell my own parents. I just wanted to love you with everything in me and not think about how you would hate me once you found out."
She unlinked herself from me and I clamped my teeth together to keep it together. I hated crying more than anything.
"It was wrong and you're the best thing that has happened to me in years. But if you don't trust me, this relationship won't go anywhere."
Silence filled the room once I stopped talking. It remained like that for a long minute before Mira rose from the bed and stood in front of me, cupping my face to bring my eyes back to hers. She looked sad and I hesitantly brought my hands to her hips.
"You lying to me just made me realise that you don't know how much you're worth. I trust you, Sebastian. I want to be with you. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here with you so how many times do I have to tell you that I'll stick with you no matter what? You're stuck with me too."
I felt her fingertips brush over the slope of my nose as she smiled angelically down at me. "We're not ruined. Not by a long shot."
A smile made its way onto my face and I nodded happily since it was exactly what I needed to hear. We were fine, and it was all in my mind. Lifting her up in my arms, she laughed as she slid onto my back so that I was giving her a piggyback.
Her hands came across my chest and she brought her lips to my temple. "Everything will be fine."
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
» MIRA »
After breakfast, Sebastian proposed that we go to a football game since James, who we still hadn't heard from, had bought him tickets for his birthday. I was slightly confused for a few moments given that football over in America wasn't what it was in the UK, and to me, American football was similar to rugby.
I zipped up my jacket before taking a seat on the bed. My phone began to ring and I was slightly shocked to see a number I had deleted from it long ago. I picked it up nonetheless.
"Really, Weston? We're doing calls now?"
He was silent on the other end for a few seconds. "I'm not calling because of you. I wanted to check up on James, and I know I can't call Sebastian so you were my next best bet."
My lips curved down into a frown. "I haven't heard anything about his well-being. How are you friends with someone whose best friend hates you?"
He laughed. "I've known James a lot longer than Sebastian has. I don't know what that fuckers problem is with me."
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "We all know what kind of person you are, Weston. Or have you forgotten what you did?"
He cleared his throat and his discomfort was becoming apparent to me. "I haven't forgotten. How can I forget that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me because I couldn't keep my zipper up? I'm sorry for hurting you, Mirabelle. You deserved the world yet I couldn't even cross an ocean to be with you."
I continued listening, hoping that we were both finding closure together.
"It was one time, contrary to your belief. And we didn't even go all the way because I sobered up and realised what I was doing. I came home to you the following week, and when I saw the pregnancy test, I knew that you had to know the truth. But turns out someone already filled you in, and with an exaggerated version of events."
Feeling the tears come on, I blinked harshly and drew my legs to my chest so I could wrap an arm around myself. I had taken a pregnancy test and when it came back positive, I didn't know what to do. I was pregnant and the father was my cheating boyfriend.
Needless to say, the baby didn't survive the first trimester.
"I thought we'd be okay. We were going to have a baby and I was planning to propose to you. I never cheated again, but after we lost her, that was the last straw for you. It's not your fault, you know? I stressed you out too much and I wasn't the man you deserved to have by your side. If I could do it all again, I would be everything and more. Do you think we'd ever have a chance to be together again?"
His question threw me off and my lips parted in silent shock. I wished things had worked out between Weston and me because he truly was the one person I thought I'd spend my life with. But if that were true, I wouldn't be with Sebastian.
"Too much has happened for us to ever be together again. I've moved on because it's been three years, Weston. Maybe you can learn from our mistakes in your next relationship, but I'm happy with Sebastian. He loves me."
"Do you love him?" was the question that was in quick succession to my response.
"Yes. I can't imagine my life without him. And you were wrong, Weston. I love him with everything in me. And as soon as I tell him that, we'll be golden."
"Wait," there was rummaging in his end of the line. "He's told you that he loves you, yet you haven't said it back? Why?"
I knew exactly why I hadn't said those three words to him, and I did notice that he wasn't saying it anymore. But, the last thing I wanted to do was tell Weston about the rocky stage Sebastian and I were going through.
"Did I say it back to you straight away?" I rebutted, raising an eyebrow. "No." I heard footsteps and that was my cue to end the call. But when I heard the sound of traffic, my eyes narrowed. "Wait, are you driving and talking on the phone?"
He was silent for a moment, which made the sound of a moving car more evident. "You're on speaker, and I'm not even holding my phone."
I shook my head, remembering all the times I would ask him not to use his phone whilst driving. "That's dangerous, and you have to be careful so bye, Weston."
"Wait! One more thing. If you're happy with him, then I'm glad you finally have the love you deserve. Even if it isn't my love—although I'll always love you."
When I placed my phone in my pocket, Sebastian opened the door, but he was too busy talking to someone on the phone to do anything but reach for my hand. I slid my hand in his and rose from the bed, giving him my best smile.
It was when we were walking down the stairs that he hung up the call and looked over his shoulder to meet my eyes. "Weston called you?"
I nodded with a sigh. "He was asking about James, but he also apologised for everything that happened with our breakup."
There was a blank expression on his face, but his dislike for Weston was clear. I opted to remain quiet as we made our way to the car, knowing that I had to find a way to make him happy again. The car ride would've been silent if it wasn't for the music playing on the radio, so I couldn't help but reach for his hand since we weren't driving the car.
I tugged on my seatbelt and shimmied closer to him so that I could rest my head on his shoulder. He couldn't read my actions in any other way but a show of affection, which meant he knew I wasn't reluctant in touching him.
He was observant, though. I'd give him that. I didn't know what it was, but I was angry at him and the anger was simmering just below the surface until he addressed it. He was going to live so I had to get over it.
His scent pleasantly flooded my senses and I tilted my head up to lay a soft kiss on his jaw. His operation was quickly approaching and I couldn't let him leave without telling him how I felt.
But as the words were on the tip of my tongue, I couldn't bring myself to say it. Instead, I chose to lighten up the mood and say: "Babe, are you an elevator? Because I want to go down on you."
A deep laugh fell from his lips and he grinned a bright grin. "Easy, Mira. Don't start anything you can't finish."
It was just a coincidence that we were pulling into a petrol station. He met my gaze with a seductive glint in his eyes and proceeded to pull out his wallet. "Peter, you can take a break and get something to eat. We still have time until the football game starts."
Peter took the money Sebastian offered and rendered him with a smile. "Thank you, sir."
Once he left, Sebastian rolled up the window and sunk his teeth into his bottom lip as my hands rested on his abdomen under his shirt. "We should've gone to a baseball game since we're going to third base."
He popped his button open and tugged on his zipper. I laughed and latched onto his neck with my lips. "Don't push your luck."
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next time Sebastian offered to return the favour was the day of his operation. Ten minutes before to be exact.
He sat on his hospital bed and looked up at me with a small smile as his hands rested on my hips. "Are you sure?"
"Sebastian," I leaned down to rest my forehead on his. "I've gone 4 months without sleeping with you, I'm sure I can wait until you've healed from your operation."
That was when he gave up and wrapped his arms around my body. His head pressed against my stomach before he stood up. Time then began to fly until Sebastian was about to go into the operating room. He gestured to the doctor for some time and we were left alone as silence glided into the air and it would've settled if it wasn't for what Sebastian said next.
"I wasn't sure if I'd say this again, but—I love you. And if you can't say it back, I'll give you some time." His hand curled against the rail of his hospital bed.
I remained silent.
"If anything goes wrong with the operation, I'd want you to know that you are loved—so much. And that the chance to be in love with you is the best gift you could ever give me."
My hands left my pocket so I could grasp his face in mine. I leaned down and slanted my lips over his momentarily before I pulled back and pressed another kiss to his forehead. It was now or never, and I wouldn't forgive myself if he gave me his heart and I didn't give anything back.
"I love you too, Sebastian."
That was the first time since I found out his secret that he gave me the brightest smile ever. It was like my world stopped and all I could concentrate on was him. He wasted no time in kissing me again. "Say that again." He mumbled against my lips, pulling me closer to him.
"I love you too."
And before I knew it, he was going into the operating room with an angelic smile on his face.
Everything went swimmingly with Sebastian, which I was extremely glad to hear.
But that didn't stop almost devastating news being broken to me two hours later. He was meant to be a part of my past but became a part of my present and future.
Time of death. 3:42.