32
Stronger.
In which Sebastian and Mira are stronger than ever.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬♛▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
» MIRA »
THE SUNLIGHT FILTERED THROUGH THE BLINDS as I laid on the bed, under the satin cover with Sebastian's arm draped across my waist. He held me to him tightly and with my head lightly resting against his chest, I could hear his heart beating a symphony I had come to love. It was steady, comforting and brought a smile to my face. Glancing up at his face, I noticed the small frown that dotted his lips and the crease that pulled at the skin of his forehead. He seemed troubled and the first thing that came to my mind was he was probably having a nightmare.
My fingers reached up and in a featherlike touch, I smoothed out the worry lines and tilted my head to press a soft kiss to the corner of his lips. He slowly stirred and within seconds, his eyes fluttered open and he sighed against my forehead.
"Morning, pumpkin." He loosened his hold on me slightly but brought one hand to gently caress my hair. "Did I wake you?"
I shook my head and flattened a hand on his chest. "I've been awake for a while—I couldn't sleep." The day of Weston's funeral had finally come after much anticipation and it was all I could think about. A mellow cloud had settled over me and despite being perfectly content in Sebastian's arms, I didn't want to wake him up by getting out of bed, no matter how much I wanted to.
"I'd imagine you won't be getting much sleep today." His fingertips brushed against my temples softly and he released a quiet sigh. "Know if I could be with you, I would."
I closed my eyes and slid my hand upwards to gently caress his face. "I know, Sebastian. James will be there, I'll be okay for today." The thought that James would be me at the funeral was reassuring and honestly made the day easier to deal with. I had to be strong for Weston's parents, but with Sebastian's confession that Declan, Weston's father, was once in love with Athena, I wasn't sure if I could look at him in the same way.
But that thought was squashed when I realised that I knew a different Declan than Sebastian. I knew him as the man who was furiously in love with his wife, which meant his past actions lead him back to her, and the person who always made me feel like I was family even after breaking up with Weston.
"Call me when you're ready to talk after, okay?" Sebastian asked, pulling me from my thoughts and resettling it on his especially deep morning voice. His voice was simply mesmerising.
I nodded and tilted my head upwards to press my lips to his cheek, purposely dodging his attempt to get me to kiss his lips since we had both just woken up. "I love you."
He held me tighter and laid a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. "I love you too, pumpkin. More than anything."
The moment lingered for a few long moments before we decided that it was time to get out of bed. Sebastian's bed was the most comfortable thing ever and I had the best sleeps on it, which meant it was often hard to get out of. But, we managed it and showered together, keeping it to just showering since Sebastian had to get to his office.
When I was stood in the kitchen, making pancakes, his arms slowly wrapped around my waist and he dipped his head to place a tender kiss to my pulse. "Avery asked to see you today if that's okay." He stepped to the side, reached over and picked a couple of blueberries and popped it in his mouth as I smiled softly.
"Of course that's okay. I miss her so much." I pushed his plate towards him and his cheeks turned rosy as he silently chewed on the fresh fruit.
He stared at me at that moment with a somewhat worshipful reverence and his lips slowly parted into a soft grin. Fingers that gripped his plate stretched out to clasp mine and when I levelled my gaze on his, all I saw was pure vulnerability in his eyes. "Do you think that we'll have children one day?" he quietly questioned. His fingers shook slightly in mine and I tightened my grip on them. Sebastian didn't bare his soul to people often and at that moment, I felt incredibly lucky to know every single thing about this man.
I pushed the first thing I thought out of my mind and focused on the sole fact that Sebastian was thinking of our future. He was finally looking completely forward instead of back to his haunted past and every demon that came with it. "Is that your way of saying you want to get me pregnant?" I lightly joked, staring into the burning oak that was his eyes.
Passion burned in his eyes. They burned for something eternal with me. A baby that would forever be the perfect mix of us both and carry our blood in their veins. It was a beautiful thought.
"It's my way of saying that you're the only woman I could ever see being the mother of my children. The only woman I'd ever want to have a family with." He gently spoke, turning my body to face him properly. "We haven't been together for a really long time, I know that. So kids and marriage may not be for quite a while. But, I want you to know that I do see a future with you. I'm not going anywhere."
Warmth bloomed in my chest and I reached up to caress his face tenderly. "Neither am I — no matter what." I captured his lips in a promising kiss and his hands settled on my waist, pulling me closer. When I pulled back, his eyes flowed with happiness. He looked the happiest I'd ever seen him and I loved how far he'd come. "Our relationship is strong — we're doing good."
His arms tightened around my body and he lifted me off my feet slightly, holding me against him and pressing his lips to mine again. "I know. We're stronger than ever."
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
My day had taken a mellow turn when the funeral began. The service seemed to drag on painfully and I couldn't bring myself to look at Weston's parents, especially when Declan began to give his speech. Standing in front of his closed casket, he reminded me so much of him. They were that father and son duo that looked exactly identical and if I tuned out his voice and didn't clear my tear-filled eyes, I saw him.
"Standing here before you today to say my last goodbye to Weston is the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. All I feel is pain and sorrow, and I don't know how I'm ever going to be okay again. But, I'll start from the beginning. Twenty-nine years ago, I held Weston in my arms for the very first time. After what seemed like such a long time of my amazing wife giving birth, I stared into my son's eyes and knew that I would never love anyone half as much as I love him. I remember everything about him, from his first word...to his last." Declan stared at me with sorrowful eyes and his voice cracked in anguish.
"Weston had such a kind heart. He never let one day go by without telling us how much he loved us, even as a little boy. I remember one night staying up to look after him when he was sick and this will forever be one of my favourite memories of him. He turned to me with watery eyes and a blocked nose and said 'Daddy, I wish we never get older because I want to spend time with you forever'. It was all he cared about. Weston had a very strong awareness of time and knew to cherish every single second he had. He was my only child, and more than anything I wish I cherished time as he did. I wish I could go back to one month from now and spend more time with him. I wish I had more time with him." Declan's shoulders trembled visibly, but he kept going.
"We all have different memories of Weston, but the Weston I knew and will remember is the doting son who loved me and my wife with every fibre of his being. He was my other heartbeat and even though his heart has stopped beating, mine continues to be full of so much love and pride for the man he was and the man he was working towards before he was taken from us. His death has come as a shock to us all, but I find comfort in the fact I was blessed to have such an amazing son and to have spent twenty-nine years with him."
Declan cleared his throat and placed one hand on his son's casket. "I'd like to end this by saying thank you all for coming. Everyone that stands before is a person that Weston loved deeply and I'm happy that there are so many people to keep him alive in their memories." His eyes met mine and he gave me a shaky smile. I knew I had to be strong for him because he looked so close to breaking down and so I gave him what I hoped to be a comforting smile.
He turned to Weston's casket and leaned down, pressing his lips to the black steel. His shoulders visibly trembled and he emitted cries that shook me to my very core. There I was thinking that Weston's death pained me so much when the pain that his parents must have been feeling didn't compare to mine. I may have lost someone I once loved with every piece of my heart, but they lost a literal part of them.
Victoria, Weston's mother, wrapped her arms around him as everyone stood still. Tears streamed down my own cheeks and I felt alone until James' hand found mine. He squeezed my hand tightly and one look at his tear-filled eyes had me falling into his arms.
James' arms wrapped around me and I cried into his chest. I couldn't remember much of what happened after, but the next thing I remembered was sitting with James in Weston's old room.
"Do you think it'll get easier?" James quietly spoke, raising a hand to wipe at his face. His arm was heavy around my shoulders, but his touch was welcomed as a comforting gesture. "I'm just starting to accept Cade's death. I don't think I'll be okay with Weston's death for a very long time."
My head rested against his chest and I closed my eyes. "I don't think it ever will. Losing someone has to be the most painful thing I've ever experienced. It's been fifteen years since my mum died and I'm still not okay with it. I don't think I ever will be."
At that moment, I remembered the little boy from the park who had identical features to James. If I didn't know any better, I would've sworn that he was James' son. But maybe under the surface, there was a lesson to be learned from that. "Our loved ones are closer to us than we think. They might not be here, but they've left things and people behind that carry on their existence."
James hugged me tighter. "That's true. We'll get through this, Mira. Weston wouldn't want us to grieve him for too long. He'd want us to remember the good in him. I know he wasn't perfect and hurt you, but he was changing and before I went away, he told me that he would spend the rest of his life making sure he'd never hurt anyone like he hurt you again."
That pulled at my heart. "He may have been a bit rough at the edges, but he had a good heart. I wish he knew that I've forgiven him."
"Don't live the rest of your life with regrets, Mira. Weston knew you didn't hate him. That was enough."
The pain at my heart ebbed away slightly at James' words and I felt so glad to have him with me. "Thank you, James. For everything. I appreciate it all so much."
He patted my arm and shook his head softly. "You're family remember? You'll never feel alone in this, Mira. Sebastian will be there for you, I'll be there for you. In this family, we stick together."
If I knew one thing, it was that the pain might never go away, but with such a great support system, I'd never be alone.
When the funeral was over, and I was seated in the passenger of James' car, my thumb hovered over Sebastian's number for a few moments before I pressed it, holding my phone to my ear. The silence was almost deafening before his deep voice filtered through my device. It was comforting, reassuring and sounded like home.
"Hi, Mira. How are you holding up?"
I glanced at James momentarily and smiled softly. "I'm okay. I just really want to be with you right now."
"Do you want to come to my office? I can get us some lunch and we can cuddle on the couch." His voice was soft and I imagined he was sat on his desk with his sleeves rolled up. "Avery doesn't get off from school until three."
Relief blossomed in me and I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "I'd love that. See you soon."
The phone call ended with an audible click and James glanced at me momentarily. "You and Sebastian were truly made for each other." He commented, starting up his car and pulling out of the Caldwells' driveway. "I called it didn't I?"
I laughed and fastened my seatbelt before replying. "You did. But I'm pretty sure I knew I had feelings for him when you brought it up. There was just some reluctance on his side, but for good reason." I took a peek at James since I knew the thought of Cade lingered in his mind. That much was evident with the wistful smile that seemed to make its way onto his face.
"Sebastian deserves to be loved after everything that happened. I'm happy you're the one to show him that love."
I shoved his shoulder playfully when the car came to a stop at a traffic light. "Don't get all mushy on me, James. I get enough of that with Sebastian." Although it was a joke, I appreciated that he, as one of the people who truly knew Sebastian, approved of our relationship so much. It meant that what Sebastian and I had was too good to lose, and I had no intention of ever letting him go.
"Whatever, Mira." James laughed.
Before long, he pulled into a parking space briefly so I could get out. "Thank you for today, James."
He grinned through the open window. "No problem. I'll see you later."
I stood up straight, watching him drive away before walking into Sebastian's building. For once, I seemingly fit into the professional environment. For the funeral, I'd been dressed in all black. It wasn't a far cry from what I usually wore, but I was wearing a dress. Rachel, Sebastian's secretary greeted me when I passed her desk with a kind smile and a wave.
I returned the pleasantries before stepping into Sebastian's office. He was sat at his desk, scribbling something down onto the paper in front of him. At the sound of my entrance, he lifted his head up and the smile that graced his face took my breath away. Sebastian's looks were never lost on me, I acknowledged every day that he was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen, but something about the look in his eyes whenever he looked at me made him absolutely breathtaking to me.
He stood up and came around his desk to gather me in his arms. The sadness that I had felt at Weston's funeral was more of a dull ache since I'd talked it out with James. I was slowly coming to terms with the fact that he was indeed dead, but all I could do was move forward. He'd want that at least.
Sebastian's hold was warm and comforting, and his heavenly scent wafted up my nose. "You smell so good." I murmured into his chest as he laughed.
"It's your favourite." He simply responded, pressing a kiss to my head. "I got us some lunch. It's on my desk." He pulled away to gesture to his desk where there was indeed food. It smelt delicious, but I didn't have much of an appetite.
"Can we just skip to the cuddling for now?" I tilted my head upwards to look at him with a questioning look and he nodded before leaning down to kiss me. His lips were gentle and soft and moved against mine with a tender urgency like he wanted to take away all my pains with just one kiss. It would've worked if I didn't have so much pain in me. But the attempt meant more to me that he'd know.
He didn't break the kiss for a few more long moments and when he did, he lifted me into his arms, moving in a relaxed pace to the sofa that was situated in the far end of his office. Lying down first, he cradled me to his body and I found myself listening to his heartbeat like I always did when in his arms. There was something comforting about the fact that his heart beat for me and held love for me. I thought back to Declan's words and came to the realisation that if anyone was my other heartbeat, it'd have to be Sebastian.
As cliché as it sounded, our hearts beat in harmony and I knew that because we were more in touch with each other than ever. Therapy had played a huge part in that and despite it only being a few weeks after Weston's death and Sebastian's operation, we were well on the road to recovery.
"Have you taken your medication?" I quietly asked, sliding a hand under his shirt to rest on the warm skin of his stomach. He shivered visibly and rubbed my arm with his fingers softly.
"Yes, doctor." Without even looking at him, I could tell he was smiling. "With you around, I don't think I'll ever get sick again."
I tilted my head upwards and pressed my lips to his jaw. "I'll always take care of you, Sebastian. Even if I annoy you to death by doing it." He chuckled against me and stayed still while I slowly kissed his neck until moving his head so I could get better access.
"No more hickeys, baby." He murmured quietly, slowly freeing my hair from the hairband. His fingers threaded through the strands as he pulled my head back, staring down at me with hooded eyes. "It's hard to hide."
I leaned up to press a kiss to his lips and he smiled slowly, dragging a hand down my back gently. He tugged me further up his body until we were face to face and I manoeuvred my legs to straddle his waist as he ducked his head to kiss my neck instead.
Instead of taking the route I thought he would, he licked my skin to tickle me, laughing as I almost screamed. His chest rumbled with laughter against mine and a wide grin covered his face. I instantly sat up and gripped his chin softly with my fingers.
"You're so annoying. You know that, right?" I laughed, leaning down to peck his lips.
He chuckled again and nodded. "But you love me anyway." His hands ventured lower down my back into dangerous territory and he lifted his upper body effortlessly to properly deliver a kiss to my neck. "And I made you smile so I don't care."
My hands threaded through the soft strands of his dark hair and I tilted his head back to drag my lips all over his face. He sighed contentedly and wrapped his arms around my waist tightly.
"What did I do to deserve you?" he uttered under his breath, almost inaudibly and I wouldn't have heard him if it wasn't for our close proximity. I slanted my lips over him for a few seconds.
"Everything," I answered with a smile. "Literally just ten minutes ago, James told me that you deserve to be loved, and you do." I carved a hand through his hair. "You're not a bad person, Sebastian."
He sat in silence for a few moments and in lieu of a verbal response, he hugged me tightly like he didn't want to let go. I could have asked myself the exact same question. I didn't know what I did to deserve such an amazing person, but I wasn't going to doubt that what we had was worth fighting for.
This exact moment made me feel like I was falling in love with Sebastian all over again.