(Yuki pov)
Once we got to the halfway point our team got off the carriage and let Ms. Ann and her family take it to their destination, once we parted ways we made our way back to the school, it was only about an hour to there but we felt restless to get back home since the previous events. I personally wanted to take a bath and go to sleep it had been both emotional and physically exhausting the past few months and all I wanted to do was be alone to process it all, the urge was so bad that I was in an irritable mood. I could tell all of the boys were exhausted as well but Suzaku and Kadachi were the only ones who seemed to have more energy than the rest of us, they were constantly bickering and laughing about various things while Shun stayed afar with his nose in a book and Kirito was the quietest besides me, he walked behind us all stuck in his own thoughts. I just silently watched everyone talk unless someone spoke to me I stayed quiet not feeling up to any conversations anyway. I couldn't help but feel a cold distance between Kirito and I, I still liked him very much but felt too overwhelmed with everything going on right now. My feelings were full of mixed emotions and my brain felt foggy so much so that I couldn't think clearly. I shake my head in frustration and before I knew it we had finally arrived back at school.
(A few moments later.)
After returning to our dorms Suzaku and Shun decided to go talk to the headmaster about the recent events so the rest of us could get some rest. I turn to see where Kirito had gone and saw his back as he entered his room closing the door behind him not looking back once.
(I guess he's just as exhausted too.)
I decide to take this opportunity since it was late at night now to go into the hot spring. As I step into the hot water I wench in a bit of pain from my current wounds but still go in as I knew the hot bath would relax all of my sore muscles making me feel a bit more at ease once I found a cozy spot on a leveled rock under the water I sit down to where the water went up to my shoulders, soon I fell into deep thought. My thought led me to when Kazuki captured me, the moment I finally had the chance to take revenge, the moment I could have my life back to some meaning...I hesitated and thought those words.
(He's still your brother)
(why would I think about that at such a critical moment. My hesitation resulted in so much terror, not only for me this time but others as well.)
the faces of Suzaku, Shun, Kadachi, and Kirito flash through my mind. I sighed a sad sigh and brought my knees to my chest hugging them while placing my head on them as well. Soon I thought back to a happy memory back when we were all children with Father and Mother.
(Memory flashback.)
It was summer vacation and the warm summer breeze felt nice as we ran around playing hide and seek, the sound of crickets creaking in the evening and the smell of fresh-cut grass along with the roses bushes in full bloom that mother had planted last spring filled the air around us, I had been the one to find my elder brothers this time, I had found Kazuki first behind a bush near the house.
"Haha, I found you Kazuki!!"
Kazuki sneered and looked away in defeat but quickly changed his attitude when he seen how happy I was. He stood up and ruffled my hair with his hands.
"Good job little sis."
he gave me a genuine polite smile and I happily smiled back. After a few more minutes I had found Suki sitting in a tree in the front yard. His short dark brown hair and turquoise blue eyes shown brightly in the evening light, once he took notice of me he smiled warmly at me.
" I see I was the last to be found, Yuki your so good at quickly finding us."
he jumps down from the tree and easily lands on his feet and ruffles my hair as well.
"Yuki, What do you want to play next?"
before I could answer we hear mother call through the screen door.
"Dinners ready come and eat!"
we follow our mother's orders and rush inside to wash up before sitting down at the table which was full of good-looking food. The smell of nicely roasted chicken pot pie and various other foods filled the room. Mother and Father sat on both ends of the table as Suki and Kazuki sit on the middle side, I sit next to my father across from Kazuki. The memory goes on and on I couldn't find one fault in Kazuki back then. Suki and him fought like brothers on a normal basis but Kazuki had been kind to us all up until the tragic day. My heart aches. I guess this whole time I didn't truly hate him as much as I thought I did. It killed me to think those words and thoughts because I felt as if I was letting Suki and father down.
(I hesitated and didn't bring any one of them to justice...I failed them once again, My unconditional love was my weakness.)
I felt sickened by my own feelings and disgusted with myself. I quietly get out of the water and put on my Pajamas and go back to my room locking the door behind me along with my window. I then climb into bed and throw the pillow over my head forcing myself to go to sleep, It took hours of trying not to think and to keep a clear mind but I eventually fell asleep.
(A few hours later.)
*Knock, Knock.*
I am awoken to a light knock on my door and rub my eyes thinking I was dreaming I yawn and try to go back to sleep but hear the knock again though it was a bit louder.
*Knock, Knock.*
I still felt pretty sore especially in my leg so I lightly walked over to the door and open it rubbing my eyes to try to adjust to the darkness, as soon as I unlock the door and open it a hand covers my mouth and the door quickly closes behind the person locks us in, fear quickly took over and I instantly form magic spheres in the air around me with my hand but the person quickly turns on the lights and I completely stop in my tracks.
"Shh stop it's just me-"
it was just Kirito, he stopped mid-sentence when he seen the frightened look on my face and I felt something wet on my cheeks when I drop the spheres to the floor. He turns back off the light and walks over to me pulling me into a hug and still stunned from moments ago my heartbeat skips a beat.
"I'm sorry don't cry, I didn't mean to scare you I just didn't want you to make any noise when you seen it was me in case someone was watching."
as he whispers into my ear I could feel his hot breath on my lobe.
"I-Its ok..."
I finally push away.
"But why are you here right now."
he sits me down on the bed and sits next to me, the moonlight shown in and casted a shadow over his face.
"I couldn't sleep I was worried about you, how are you doing?"
his kind question made me smile inwardly. I was somehow moved by his actions now.
"I'm ok right now still sore though."
I feel his hand grasp mine and he goes silent for a minute before speaking again
"I mean emotionally and mentally."
The question gave me mixed emotions and I myself couldn't even figure out how to answer it.
"I..."
he holds my hand a little tighter at me not responding as if saying it's ok to talk to me.
"I don't know how to answer that question right now Kirito..."
Kirito stays silent for a moment more but then resumes speaking.
"You know...It's Ok to not be ok sometimes."
His words struck something deep inside me as if he knew me more than I knew myself and I could instantly feel the tears rush to my face, as if he sensed my pain he lets go of my hand and pulls me into a hug as I cry letting out everything I had been holding back over the years out, I couldn't stop it either it was a breaking point for me and I couldn't control the tears anymore. He strokes my back while hugging me tightly with my head in his chest clutching his shirt as I cried.
(He knew I wasn't ok and he came personally to make sure I wasn't alone... no one has been this kind to me in years.)
after a few minutes of crying, I slowly stopped and he pulls away to grab a tissue beside my bed and helped me wipe my tears away. From this angle, I could see for the first time the most gentle face I've ever seen come from Kirito.
"Sometimes we all just need to cry, Letting it all out is healthy, just remember Yuki that if you ever need to talk you can come to me about anything, I can sense when something is off so there is no use in hiding it from me."
I nod and sniffle at the same time, he ruffles my hair and leans in kissing me on my forehead before standing up to leave but before I knew what I was doing myself I had grabbed a hold of his hand.
"Kirito wait..."
he looks back at me worriedly as I keep my head down embarrassed of what I was about to ask.
"Could you stay a little longer...Till I fall asleep at least."
I say with my cheeks burning and instantly Kirito pushes me onto the bed throws the blanket over us and pulls me into a hug, one arm under my head reaching around my shoulders and the other around my waist as I face him he holds me close.
"Now get some sleep, Yuki,"
he says with a smirk as my cheeks burn hotter but soon I indeed fell into a peaceful sleep and had a very restful night.